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+--- Thread: A man walks into a bar... (/showthread.php?tid=840)
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- Arthur Dent - 03-20-2002
Three nuns die and are at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter tells them "To get in, you have to answer a trivia question about the Bible."
They think "Hey, no problem. Who knows the Bible better than us?"
So, St. Peter asks the first nun "What's the name of the first book of the Bible?"
"Genesis!", she replies.
"Correct" Lights start flashing, music plays, and she goes into heaven.
"What were the names of the first two people?" he asks the second nun.
"Adam & Eve!" she replies.
Lights flash, the music plays, and she goes in.
"Now, for the last question. What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun is shocked. All the other questions were so easy. She thinks and thinks and finally admits defeat.
"Boy, that's a hard one." she says.
Lights flash, the music plays, and she's escorted into heaven.
- Doc - 03-20-2002
Brokenjaw Wrote:1.dont knowFor number 1:
2. Who was the greatest Baseball player, dogs says roof
3.Bartender looks and says, where did you get that. The parot says...
4.dont know.
5. Fly lands in a Scotsman beer and starts drinking...
A man walks into a bar and sees a little 12" tall man on the bar playing a little piano. Perplexed, the man asks the bartender what the dilly is with the guy. The bartender points to the back room and says, "There's a genie in there, he'll grant you whatever you want."
The man asks the bartender if he can go back there and get some wishes, and the bartenders says "Sure, go right ahead."
The man goes back there and tells the genie, "I want to have a million bucks". The genie says, "Your wish is granted." and the room fills up with a million ducks. The man is perplexed, so he tells the genie, "No, I said a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS." The genie apologizes and says, "Your wish is granted." and the ducks dissapear and are replaced by a million hockey pucks.
The man gets so angry at the genie he storms out of the back room and goes to the bartender. He yells, "Your genie sucks, he can't hear worth a damn."
The bartender stops what he doing, looks right at the man and says, "No shit Sherlock, you really think I asked for a foot-long PIANIST!"
And now for number 4:
A man walks into a bar with three ducks in his arms. He puts the ducks down at the bar and starts drinking.
The bartender knows better than to ask people about the wierd things they bring into bars, so he doesn't even acknolwedge the ducks. After a few beers, the man has to take a whiz, so he leaves his barstool. When that happens, the curious bartender goes over to the ducks to see what their story is.
He asks the first duck, "So what's your name?" The duck replies, "I'm Huey." The bartender says, "Hi Huey, how are you doing today?" The duck replies, "I'm doing great, I've had a fun day, I've been in and out of puddles all day long, it's so great to do."
The bartender then asks the second duck, "So what's your name?" The duck replies, "I'm Dewey." The bartender says, "Hi Dewey, how are you doing today?" The duck replies, "I'm doing great too, I've had a blast, I've been in and out of puddles all day long too, it's the best thing to do get yourself in a good mood."
The bartender goes to the third duck and says, "I guess you must be Louie then."
"No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles. And don't ask about my fucking day."
- LZMF1 - 03-21-2002
crx girl Wrote:shall we call you maynardv2.0 now?if that's what floats your boat, sure.
i thought i spoke with a tad bit more eloquence than maynard though.
- Hey Ladi - 03-21-2002
Two men walk into a bar.
You think the 2nd one would have ducked.
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Edited By Hey Ladi on Mar. 20 2002 at 10:36