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+--- Thread: Dogs or cats (/showthread.php?tid=1493)
- Sluggo - 04-29-2002
This made me laugh my ass off...
It seems so true to the species...
it's not really true at my house,
because my animals are confused, they don't know what they are...(insert Maynard joke here)...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - OOOOOOOH. BATH. BUMMER!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 184
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
DAY 185
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 186
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was
chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.
DAY 187
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 188
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
- Luna - 04-29-2002
Woof!!!
- virgingrrl - 04-29-2002
fucking cats suck ass:crackhead:
- Hybrid - 04-29-2002
dogs
- Sluggo - 04-29-2002
Quote:fucking cats suck assMy cat would change your mind.
- Luna - 04-29-2002
Dogs come when you call them....cats take a message and get back to you.
- virgingrrl - 04-29-2002
eh..some are nice...but im such the dog kind of gal. and not those lil bitch ass dogs..i need a big fucker so that we can play and wrestle.{
}
- Sluggo - 04-29-2002
My cat comes when you call...He thinks he's a dog...
- Danked - 04-29-2002
My buddies up in Vermont have a Terminator for a cat. When they were living in their small remote cabin in the middle of nowhere, the beast would kill everything and anything that snuck into their shack at night. This included squirrels the very size (if not bigger) of the cat. When they awoke in the morning, there was usually a carcass or two laid to rest at the foot of their bed.
My dog is that diary to a tee.
- Luna - 04-29-2002
Yeahhh....no rat-dogs here, either!
- virgingrrl - 04-29-2002
Quote:My cat comes when you call...He thinks he's a dog...see it even knows dogs are better {
} Quote:Yeahhh....no rat-dogs here, either!
ick! no little dogs...i need a dog that is able to kick my ass. me and my dog use to wrestle and pretend dog fight...he would pin me down and pretend to bite my neck...grrrrrrrr
- Sluggo - 04-29-2002
Quote:see it even knows dogs are betterI really fucking hate the fact that women are always right...
uicide:
- Maynard - 04-29-2002
I was dog fighting with sluggos dog the other night. He's great, cause he will get all riled up, and play, but knows not to go too far. Then you just tell him to stop, and he does. He's the good puppy!
(even though he scratched the shit outta my arm) {:p}
- Hybrid - 04-29-2002
and then you banged it
- Maynard - 04-29-2002
Quote:and then you banged itWow, you're so fucking funnie man. You are on the ball now! Your jokes are cutting edge.
- FNMoron - 04-29-2002
Quote:DAY 185ok...so today must have been Day 185 at my house...
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
- Hybrid - 04-29-2002
Quote:Wow, you're so fucking funnie man. You are on the ball now! Your jokes are cutting edge.thanks. i try.
Edited By HyBriD on April 29 2002 at 01:18
- Maynard - 04-29-2002
You are sofa king stoopit.
- Hybrid - 04-29-2002
you sir are truly the king of comedy.
- Maynard - 04-29-2002
I didn't tell a joke. Just truths.