+- CDIH (https://www.cdih.net/cdih)
+-- Forum: General Discussion and Entertainment (https://www.cdih.net/cdih/forumdisplay.php?fid=4)
+--- Forum: The Pit (https://www.cdih.net/cdih/forumdisplay.php?fid=9)
+--- Thread: Need some help my fellow posters... - CAUTION: Long and Rambling... (/showthread.php?tid=324)
- Sephiroth - 02-06-2002
Guys, I need your help. I think I've really done it this time. Anyway, here's the story.
It started about a week ago, when my friends decided to get me out of the house. I was still bummed over my old girlfriend leaving me, and they wanted to find me someone new. And I was sick and tired of laying around my apartment all day jacking off to pictures of RuPaul. So we went to this new popular night club, to scout for some sexy ladies.
After about a half an hour and a few drinks, I spot a very attractive young female. She has perfect smooth and tan legs. She was wearing a short black thigh hugging leather skirt, which squeezed so tightly against her hips, it was like a second skin. I'm pretty sure the reflection of the strobe light on her ass almost sent a few people in to seizures. But boy was she hot. She was wearing a red sweater tube top. It was cut low, so I could see plenty of her perfect breasts. This girl was perfect in every way. Dark hair and eyes, I'm getting an erection just thinking about her right now.
The only thing about this girl is that she can't be a day over 18. She was young. But she wasn't slutty. The way I have described her may have sounded slutty, but she definitely wasn't. There was a certain innocence in her eyes. That made her even hotter to me.
Now myself, not being at all a whimp, decided I liked what I saw, and made my approach.
"May I have this dance?" I asked, maybe laying the old fashioned charm on a little too thick. But then again, maybe not. She raised her thin, but definied, dark brown eyebrow at me, almost in a "come hither" fashion, but not exactly. She was intrigued, but confused.
Since she hadn't broken my ankles with her shoes yet (they were the kind that looked like they had cinder blocks on the bottom), I decided that meant she was willing. I sensually slid my knee in between her legs, and began to furiously grind my croth along her right leg. It felt so good, but just as I was about to climax, I looked up at her. Apparently she wasn't too taken by my highly erotic style of dancing.
I pulled off of her, and decided that I should change my approach. "Spin it differently" if you will. I started to move my hips to the music, and so did she. Realizing this was a partial win, I decided to move in close on her. And after a while we really started to grind on each other. My partially exposed member was even making a slight squeaking sound with the leather of her skirt. I was in business.
Seeing I was going to get some action tonight (the first since two days prior to New Year's), I told my friends to go home with the other driver, and that I was going elsewhere. They all congratulate me, and went their own way at the end of the night.
I decided to maximize the fun in the night ahead by leaving the club immediately and getting back to my place. She enthusiastically agreed. She picked up her coat and walked out to the car with me. We got into my Trans Am and I took off for home.
She looked sort of nervous, and I asked her about it, but she said it was fine. "The only thing is, it's my first time?"
"First time riding in a Tranny?"
"No," she replied. "You know..."
"Actually I don't, I'm quite clueless."
"It's my first time.... uhhh... errmmm," she was wigling in her seat, and again, the leather of her pants made a squeaking noise with the leather seats in my car. "Doing... it."
"Oh." I replied. I had never done it with a virgin before. But how different could it be? I thought it was actually going to be better.
We arrived at my apartment about 10pm, and I let her in, while I went into the bathroom to clean up (I have a flossing fetish). She sat nervously on the edge of my bed, and almost seemed like she was ready to run away when I came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but boxers with my partially erect penis hanging out.
"Are you alright?" I asked again. I didn't want to force into anything she didn't want.
"Yes, I'm fine. I really want this." And with that she reached down and grabbed her tube top at the bottom and pulled it up and off, revealing her perfect breasts. They were even more perfect than I thought. They were fucking awesome. She then jumped on top of my and pushed my on the bed, and we got to making out.
As we were doing so, I could see she was pretty into it, so I decided to go for the gold and slowly stared to pull off her black (Yow) panties. As soon as she noticed I was doing it, and how slowly I was doing so, she just ripped them off of herself, and then ripped off my boxers.
Now was the moment of truth gentlemen. But here's where my story stops sounding like a poorly written fanfic. As I slid myself in to her, I saw her grimace. "Come on, I know it hurts, but don't ruin the fun for everyone!" I exclaimed, plugging harder at her than ever before. As I turned up the intensity to "11", her face then looked pale as she gasped in horror, looking down. What was wrong? what had she seen? I know penises scary, but enough to make someone get pale in horror? As I looked down, I saw blood FLOWING LIKE A RIVER from her vagina. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I mean, I didn't think I was fucking her hard at all, but. I didn't know what to do. I HAD BROKE HER FUCKING VAGINA. When I looked back up at her face, she was fucking unconscious!
Oh fuck. In a matter of seconds, I had managed to tear or maim or something a girl's vagina, and probably just have killed her. Or at least I thought I had killed her. I had to do something fast. I had just fucked a girl to death. I pulled out of her quickly, and laid her limp body out on my bed. I couldn't find her skirt or shirt anywhere, so I ran into the kitchen and got the next best thing I could find. A garbage bag.
I ran back into my bedroom and put the garbage bag around her legs and pulled it up, so that it went above her breasts. I forced her legs through the corners of the bag and tied it up at the top. It basically looked like she was wearing a full body pair of parachute pants.
But what was I going to do with her now? I deliberated for almost 10 minutes, all the while trying to wake her up. I still wasn't sure whether or not I had killed her. Just then an idea struck me. I would take her back to the night club where I found her, and whoever was suposed to pick her up there originally would find her and take her home. And since I hadn't told her my name, the plan would go off without a hitch!
I rushed out the door, carrying her, still in a garbage bag, out to my car. I threw her in the back seat. I hopped into the front, and then saw in the passenger's seat, her purse. She had left her purse in the car. I quickly opened it up to see where she lived. I would take her there. I got her address, and glanced below at the date of birth. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. SHITTY ASSRAPING FUCK'a'MILUCK PAGAN IRISH ASSFUCKING PEDOPHILE SHITTRASH IN A FUCKING SOUP CAN. Ahem. SHE WAS ONLY SEVENTEEN.
This is when I knew I was truly FUCKED folks. I was already going to jail for murder, but for statutory rape as well? FUCKING EXCELLENT! But maybe there was still time, and maybe she would lose enough blood that she would blackout and forget everything or something. I don't know. I was grasping for any rationalization at this point.
I put it into gear and flew out of my driveway. I blazed down the road toward her house, which was about 3 miles away. And along the way I guess I lost track of my speed, because as you would guess, I hear sirens come on behind me. I glance down at my speedometer. FUCK. 83 in a 35 zone. Rape, murder, and speeding all in one night? Charles Manson, move on over!
I tried to keep my cool, and not to lose it. Thinking of her in back, I quickly threw my black jacket over the only part of her that was exposed, and rolled down my window to greet the officer. I tried to use my best "nice man" face. He seemed nice enough at first:
"How are you tonight son?"
"Alright sir, how about you? It's pretty slippery out, I'll bet you've had your hands full tonight."
"Yes, yes I have son. Now, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No sir, I didn't have a chance to take a look before I stopped."
"Eighty five. Eighty five son. That's over twice the speed limit. Do you have a death wish or something?"
I laughed uneasily. "No sir. I was just in a hurry to-"
Just then our eardrums were pierced by a deafening scream. It was coming from my back seat. She had come to and was screaming and thrashing about in the garbage bag. And in the fury somewhere, she kicked and put her foot through my back window, shattering glass everywhere.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" The cop frantically screamed and almost as an impulse drew his gun from the holster and pointed it at the back seat.
"Now, Officer, I can explain," I nervously intervened to stop this ordeal dead in its tracks. At least she wasn't dead. Quickly, I jumped across the seat and opened the passenger side door. I was making a break for it.
"WHERE THE FUCK?" shouted piggy. I was making a dash across the road, almost diagonally, running in the left lane. The cop took off after me, although he was considerably slower, and fatter. But only after running for about 20 seconds up the hill we were almost at the top and out of breath.
Right then, I saw a faint glimmer of lights coming from the other side of the hill. I quickly jumped to the side of the road, while the truck to whom the lights belonged to barreled over the top of the hill and plowed the cop who was behind me. He fucking MOWED DOWN A COP. But I didn't have any time to worry about the cop, he was obviously dead. I had to worry about myself. I climbed back into my car and motored all the way to her house. She was kicking and screaming in the back seat. So I grabbed her purse and beat her on top of the head with it, until I guess she passed out and stopped.
I picked her up and dropped her on the front porch like a turd in a bag, and rang the doorbell. I made a break for the car and motored home. On the way back, I passed the cop, still lying in the center of the road, and cars were gathering around it. wanting to avoid any trouble, I kept on driving. I arrived home, and was now safe from this whole fiasco. And so that brings me to this present day:
I guess the cop ran my plates through the system before the accident. Even though he was in a coma now, I still received a speeding ticket in the mail. There was no mention of the girl though, I guess because he didn't see her before had a chance to report it.
So I guess the big question is goons: Should I fight my speeding ticket?<font color="EEEEEE">
Edited By Sephiroth on Mar. 26 2002 at 01:43
- Sluggo - 02-06-2002
LMMFAO...
How do you expect us to believe a dead cop wrote you a speeding ticket?
- Spitfire - 02-06-2002
Quote:After about a half an hour and a few drinks
And there's where I stopped believing your story Mr. Straight Edge
:p
- Maynard - 02-07-2002
YEah, the drinks thing threw me for a loop, but when I read
Quote:We got into my Trans Am and I took off for home.I just KNEW you weren't dumb enough to steal Grk's car.
You big FAKER!
- Danked - 02-07-2002
::highlight::
::copy::
::type in <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.opieanthony.com:">http://www.opieanthony.com:</a><!-- w -->:
::log in as danked::
::click new topic::
::paste::
::post::
:
its back and waits for the guffaws and praise::
- Hybrid - 02-07-2002
fight it. if he knew why you were going that fast he'd let you go. LMAO nice story.
- Sluggo - 02-07-2002
Danked Wrote:::highlight::Nice!
::copy::
::type in <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.opieanthony.com:">http://www.opieanthony.com:</a><!-- w -->:
::log in as danked::
::click new topic::
::paste::
::post::
:
LMMFAO Danked...You're pretty sneaky for a stoner.
- Weird NJ - 02-07-2002
Fight the ticket. You'll win because the cop has to be in court to attest to it.
- The Sleeper - 02-07-2002
I KILL EVERYTHING I FUCK
I'm infected with AIDS, I fuck everyday
I kill everything I fuck
(REPEAT)
I fill up with my disease
Contaminate you with deadly needs
My loaded cock is like a gun
I'm a walking time bomb killing everyone
Let me be your stiff hard fuck
Cram your cunt with poisonous cock
Your hairy cunt will be my aim
Deadly penetration is my game
Drenched in my fluids, you'll never know
I plant the seeds of death untold
Before I die, I hope I do
Kill many more as I've killed you
- 82-1012268026 - 02-07-2002
Sounds like my normal night at the bar... Gak. Gak.
- NaughtyAngel - 02-07-2002
toooo......many.......woooorrrddsss
- crx girl - 02-07-2002
Danked Wrote:::highlight::gimme a D gimme an A gimme an N gimme a K gimme an E gimme a D gooooooooooo danked!!!11 :fuggin:
::copy::
::type in <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.opieanthony.com:">http://www.opieanthony.com:</a><!-- w -->:
::log in as danked::
::click new topic::
::paste::
::post::
:
- Danked - 02-07-2002
tricia, i hope you never crawl out of my ass. i wanna keep you forever.
- Hey Ladi - 02-07-2002
LMAO nice job dude! :rofl:
- crx girl - 02-07-2002
Danked Wrote:tricia, i hope you never crawl out of my ass. i wanna keep you forever.well, it's warm and toasty and the air has a lovely "green" smell to it
- Hey Ladi - 02-07-2002
If his hat got knocked off, he was out of uniform, and you won't have to pay the ticket.... :p
- Danked - 02-07-2002
sorry, seph. nevermind about that whole copy/paste thing to oa.com. this really is more suitable for OTL.
- virgingrrl - 02-07-2002
hee hee..thanks for the giggle Chief :roflmao: