Your letters - Emails, letters you've gotten or written

[Gooch]

<font size=2>Comrade Galov,

I am in the Czech Republic at an Internet cafe composing this message. A curse on you and all your horde, you apologist. The West has triumphed. The Reds are dead, except for you, and when I get back to the States I intend to wipe your blood from my hands.

Meanwhile, I drink beer and eat good bread and walk these old, cobbled streets, the same streets that Kafka, Mahler, and Mozart walked upon. Everywhere I look I see your face mocking me. Stop mocking me! The next time I see your face I will have to smash it...for God and country.

This town has six synagogues and about six Jews...one Jew for every synagogue. Prague used to have a thriving Jewish community before it moved to Massapequa. Thanks to people like you, Coca Cola is the universal drink. I haven't been to a McDonalds yet, but I know they're here.

A gourmet meal costs $30 or $40 here, but in New York it would cost about $100 or more. Even this is beyond the budget of most Czechs. Prague isn't for Czechs anymore, but for tourists.

How is work? Say hello to all the reptiles.

Kravitz</font>

[Maynard]

Excuse me, but I'm Czechoslovokian. Do you have a fuckin problem with that??

[LZMF1]

czechs make damned good beer!

[Keyser Soze]

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

[LZMF1]

pilsner urquell is da shit!

[Gooch]

Excuse me, but I'm Czechoslovokian. Do you have a fuckin problem with that??

Yeah, I do...spell it right. Czechoslovakian

[Galt]

Along the same vane as my fake Fear Factor story, I sent out a fake news story (copied into a Yahoo template so it looked like a real press release from my company), and sent out to a bunch of people (co-workers, family, friends, etc) after I got laid off. You see it was funny because I got "laid off" from a company with over 12,000 employees, but I was the only one who got laid off. I had stopped going to work about 2 months earlier.....

Any-hoo, here it is (probably pretty esoteric, but this should be a good thread -- some people here should have some good shit)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, September 26, 9:51 AM ET
<font size = 4>DiData - Cuts job to weather the storm</font>

By Bill Wallace

London (Reuters) - South Africa's largest IT firm Dimension Data (LSE: DDT.L - news) Holdings Plc has already cut some 180 staff globally over the past three months to weather deteriorating market conditions and improve margins. Last week, the company's burgeoning Boston office announced its second layoff of the year. A sweeping layoff of one employee from their Boston branch was announced in hopes to cut costs and streamline operations.

"The business world is simply covered in a blanket of hesitation,'' Malcolm Rutheford, Didata's Financial Director, said in a statement by the technology integrator. "It is Dimension Data Group's belief", the statement continued, "that this move, as difficult as it is to make, will be the springboard that launches The Group into the top echelon of next-generation systems integrators in North America, as it already is in the rest of the world."

When reached for comment, Jeremy Ord, Didata's Executive Chairman expanded on the statement. `At the end of the day, our people are our most important resource. However, we feel that eliminating this person from the Boston office will enable the whole office to refocus on the task at hand. It will allow the organization to examine various synergies, think out of the box, and enable us for future growth.''

Analyst James Ragan, who was not familiar with the employee who was downsized commented ``The technology sector as a whole is very fragile and this layoff should allow Didata to re-deploy greatly needed resources elsewhere."

When asked for comment, Jeff Chisholm, the ousted employee stated, "Whatever. I don't know. They were just, like, 'Hey, you're fired.' And I was like 'Hey, that's cool.' What am I supposed to say? It was more of a relief, actually." Chisholm said that his future plans included "playing video games and eating Olestra."

He continued, ``I was the number one rep last year, but I didn't do shit this year, so I'm not surprised they S-K'd me. I must admit, I do wish I had done better. I was hoping for another Adidas jumpsuit for bringing in $2 million in profit. I guess I'll just have to go to Wal-Mart and buy it myself."

Ord said The Group would to cut its global workforce again, only if "someone fucked up real bad", or if "that Siebel thingamajig isn't updated whenever it's supposed to be updated because we need it to do you know, do stuff and shit."

When asked about Dimension Data's prospects for the coming fiscal quarter, Raul Fernandez, CEO of Didata's American unit claimed "Fuck if I know. This place is in complete chaos. I don't know who my boss is, or who works for me. I can't even tell you what products we support, and if your asking me what our profit will be, shit, if I had to guess, maybe zero. Maybe half that."

About Dimension Data
Dimension Data is a new category of systems integrator who has been successfully acquiring and and subsequently ruining strings of companies for the past twenty years. Founded in 1983 as a specialist supplier of technology and services, Dimension Data's strategy has evolved with the emergence of immense beurocracy, and providing as many obstacles as humanly possible in the workplace. Didata has perfected their directionless, ham fisted approach to management by issuing vague, conflicting, and short-lived policies as quickly as they can be written. The hope is to completely cripple any fledgling glimmer of optimism or drive that their employees may possess, in order to break them down, creating a souless, black vacuum of dreariness which subsides every Friday only to return in a wave of absolute horror on Sunday night upon the realization that one must return to the emptiness of hope which resides in their office. In an effort to motivate the cattle to strive for mediocrity, the Group has instituted an aggressive employee option plan which over the past year has return rate of -2,256%. Listed on the London Stock Exchange, Dimension Data is a member of the FTSE 250 index and has achieved a three-year compound annual growth rate in US dollars of 73% in revenue and 36% in basic earnings per share really just by purchasing revenues instead of growing them organically.<font color = EEEEEE>



Edited By Galt on July 13 2002 at 11:04

[Keyser Soze]

Galt has been like Luis Castillo at hit 22 in his comedy streak lately. Another well hit single to left.

[Maynard]

Yeah, I do...spell it right. Czechoslovakian

Fuckin typos, I'm a tool. uicide:

[The Sleeper]

A typo would imply you actually knew how to spell it.

[Gooch]

:rofl:

[LZMF1]

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year
ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one
year ago, consumed all the beer, then traded in the cans at a
redemption center for the nickel deposit, you would have
$107.00.

Given the current conditions of the economy, my advice is
to drink heavily and recycle.

catch ya later - %slacker%