03-28-2007, 12:37 PM
Now there might be some stupid internet list out there containing some of these things, I don't know. All I know is I wrote this off the top of my head because I needed to get it out of me before it turned into cancer.
Things women at work need to know:
Now most women will probably say this doesn't apply to them. That they already know this and don't do it. Well, you're either in denial or the one of a kind gem who actually doesn't do this. If so, you are harder to find than a black hockey player.
* if you work with men who are not overtly gay, know that they don't want to talk to you.... at all. if we look busy, don't talk to us. we're either actually busy or are pretending to be because we don't want to talk to you.
* don't bitch about your job duties. we don't care if you're busy. we don't need a 30 minute explanation of what you do when we ask for an ETA on when you might get us something. we just fucking want it.
* we don't care to hear about your kids. if you feel the need to talk about your kids know two things. a] we don't care. no matter what it is, we don't care. we can not wait for your story to end. hell, we aren't even listening.
b] if you insist on being an annoying fucking cow and doing this anyway... please have the decency to limit the amount of times you actually say your kid's name when telling the story. as i've stated, we don't want to hear about your fucking kids in the first place. but you expand on the obnoxiousness when you say, "Sally is such a smart kid. When Sally goes to school, Sally always has a great time because Sally actually loves learning. GAAAAHHHHH"
* don't bring your kid's shit to work to sell it. we don't want to fucking buy it. we have no interest in supporting the girl scouts, sending your kid on their class trip or anything else for that matter. we hate candles and have no desire to eat ten dollar chocolate bars.
* don't cry at work. we don't feel anything but embarassment for you when you do, no matter what you're blatting about. if you have to blat, go to the bathroom to do it or just fucking leave.
* we don't give a shit about your catty fucking drama with the hot bitch upstairs. when you start complaining to us about how loud she is on the phone or how she thinks she knows everything, know that we know what you're actually thinking. that the bitch upstairs looks way better in jeans than you do.
* we noticed what you did differently with your hair. we just didn't say anything because.... you guessed it. WE DON'T FUCKING CARE.
* we have imagined fucking you. don't be flattered. we haven't just imagined how sexy you are, because you probably aren't sexy at all. we have actually imagined doing the most disgusting and brutal things to you and ended it all with a nice slap across your stupid fucking face when we're finished. i'm talking about tying you up and doing you doggystyle while on the dirty bathroom floor while periodically dunking your face in the toilet.
* when you bring your baby into work or anywhere else for that matter, we have no desire to hold your fucking baby. yes, you can leave without us holding your baby and we will not be crushed. that is, unless we are the father or grandfather and we're obligated... there is no exception to this rule. keep your kid or hand it to someone else because we'd rather punt the thing across the room or just leave it in a garbage can.
Things women at work need to know:
Now most women will probably say this doesn't apply to them. That they already know this and don't do it. Well, you're either in denial or the one of a kind gem who actually doesn't do this. If so, you are harder to find than a black hockey player.
* if you work with men who are not overtly gay, know that they don't want to talk to you.... at all. if we look busy, don't talk to us. we're either actually busy or are pretending to be because we don't want to talk to you.
* don't bitch about your job duties. we don't care if you're busy. we don't need a 30 minute explanation of what you do when we ask for an ETA on when you might get us something. we just fucking want it.
* we don't care to hear about your kids. if you feel the need to talk about your kids know two things. a] we don't care. no matter what it is, we don't care. we can not wait for your story to end. hell, we aren't even listening.
b] if you insist on being an annoying fucking cow and doing this anyway... please have the decency to limit the amount of times you actually say your kid's name when telling the story. as i've stated, we don't want to hear about your fucking kids in the first place. but you expand on the obnoxiousness when you say, "Sally is such a smart kid. When Sally goes to school, Sally always has a great time because Sally actually loves learning. GAAAAHHHHH"
* don't bring your kid's shit to work to sell it. we don't want to fucking buy it. we have no interest in supporting the girl scouts, sending your kid on their class trip or anything else for that matter. we hate candles and have no desire to eat ten dollar chocolate bars.
* don't cry at work. we don't feel anything but embarassment for you when you do, no matter what you're blatting about. if you have to blat, go to the bathroom to do it or just fucking leave.
* we don't give a shit about your catty fucking drama with the hot bitch upstairs. when you start complaining to us about how loud she is on the phone or how she thinks she knows everything, know that we know what you're actually thinking. that the bitch upstairs looks way better in jeans than you do.
* we noticed what you did differently with your hair. we just didn't say anything because.... you guessed it. WE DON'T FUCKING CARE.
* we have imagined fucking you. don't be flattered. we haven't just imagined how sexy you are, because you probably aren't sexy at all. we have actually imagined doing the most disgusting and brutal things to you and ended it all with a nice slap across your stupid fucking face when we're finished. i'm talking about tying you up and doing you doggystyle while on the dirty bathroom floor while periodically dunking your face in the toilet.
* when you bring your baby into work or anywhere else for that matter, we have no desire to hold your fucking baby. yes, you can leave without us holding your baby and we will not be crushed. that is, unless we are the father or grandfather and we're obligated... there is no exception to this rule. keep your kid or hand it to someone else because we'd rather punt the thing across the room or just leave it in a garbage can.
