ok.... you want originality... how about this...
you are almost as funny as DIG.
you couldn't get laid in a Harlem crack house with a ton of Bolivian cocaine and a suitcase full of $100 bills.
you don't have anyone that would actually admit to being your friend without them being a co-worker or someone who just needs you to help them with computer problems.
you need to shave that dead rat off your chin and concentrate on the ever-growing patch of skin that is your forehead.