Your first time.

[GonzoStyle]

How did your first time making the sex go? Was it all you dreamed it would be or was it a complete disaster?

My first time was with an older woman who I met at the deli I went to. It wasn't planned or anything, just kinda happened while we were watching TV after she asked me to come over and help install a VCR for her. So she basically says to me, "so why havent you kissed me yet?" I get all flustered and start to stutter, so then I try to play it cool and say "well come over here" and then I pat the couch cushion by me, but I probably sounded and looked like a mess.

So we start making out and I start getting nervous not cause we are kissing but cause I know its finally gonna happen. So I start to get all short of breathe and stuff. She pulls away to ask me if everything is ok and I say yeah sure. So I know I am gonna last like 10 seconds probably so I take the initiative to try and get her off first. I undress her and take my time and I guess I wasnt doing a good job cause she basically told me to get on with it and stick it in. So I get all nervous and don't even take my pants all the way off cause I don't want her to see my shame. I tried to go straight in but almost broke my penis that way, I then gentle caressed it in and go to work. Naturally about 3 pumps in I start getting that tingle and know its over. I was so embarassed to pull out (I was smart and didnt even bother wearing a condom). So I figure, shes on the pill or something, so i'll cum and then just keep on going as if nothing happened. Naturally it didnt work out that way cause she knew right away.

did you just cum inside me?

uhhh, I DIDNT KNOW!!!

I'M NOT ON THE FUCKIN PILL MORON!!!

ummm, can't you like get in the tub and wash it out?

jesus!!!

Yeah so I took that as a no, I didnt get much of the jist of what it was like cause it was over so quick. So I tried to get a second shot so I could get the overall feel of what it was like but she didnt go for it.

She then proceeded to torture me for over a week before she finally took the test. Upon which she said we can do it again but I said no thanks.

No romantic setting, no music, no nothing.

Second time was better and by the third I was a fuckin pro, I was mr magic fingers and I could go a good 3 minutes by then!

[Goatweed]

the first time for me went fast, but to my credit I was able to go 2 more rounds. It was in my old basement before it was even finished, but my room in it almost was so it was suitable for teh sex. I was with the girl for about a month but we were "serious". It went pretty well considering it was the first time for either of us.

[GonzoStyle]

Now my first blow job was amazing though. It was with this spanish girl I had known since like 4th grade. I was best friends with her brother and so I was always around her and she had the most amazing body and lips. So one night we're leaving a club and I offer to drive her home cause she is smashed. So we're in the parking lot and it was winter so I am warming up the car. She starts getting closer to me and says she is cold and puts my arm around her with her head on my chest. All of a sudden while I am playing with the switches for the defrost and heater I feel something touch my special place. Not a word, not even a warning was spoken. It probably still is the most amazing moment of my life next to watching all 6 star wars movies in a row. She takes it out and utters the words every man wants to hear, "wow its so big", I knew she was lying and probably seeing double from being so drunk but it was nice to hear. So I figure shes just gonna give me a hand job but then all of sudden those wonderful lips touch it and I was in heaven. I was kinda nervous cause it wasn't even in the back of my mind that we'd end up here, also this is my best friends sister. Then cause its my first time I am not sure how the finish goes, we're in my car is she gonna take it out, do I give her warning? But she musta just known cause she slowed up a bit and just took it in the mouth like a pro. She even put everything back in its place and just went to sleep on my shoulder afterwards.

I shoulda married that woman.

[Hawt Baux]

5 minutes

[GonzoStyle]

great story...

[Keyser Soze]

i was in 7th grade, i went out and auditioned for bye bye birdie and got the part of hugo peabody. the chick who plays the lead girl in the play was this really hot innocent looking strawberry blonde. so naturally we decided to rehearse at her house. we got back to her place which was this fucking palace, her father was like some big shot executive. nobody was home at the time so we went into the kitchen to have a snack before we were gonna start going over lines. i can't really remember how it happened but somehow she wound up on the kitchen counter and i was unbuttoning her shirt. i took off her bra and started sucking her perky B cups. if i had any balls i would have fucked her right there in the kitchen that day, but i didnt. we did have a pretty hot make out session that first time.

i wound up having sex with her in her bed about a week later while her parents were home. the details are hazy but i do remember for some odd reason 'goodnight saigon' was playing on the radio. after that first time, we fucked like crazy. i was forced to sleep in her brothers room when i stayed over, her brother had left for college a few years ago. she would sneak into his room and we fucked on his waterbed. those were good times.

[Gooch]

first time was with girl next door. drunken fumbling, condom slipped on....outside on the street, at like 2am, not a soul outside. i was so excited, after i came...i just kept fucking her...staying hard with my teenage little cock still hard. didn't cum again though..a bit too drunk and then a bit more aware of where i was in public. then, after, i felt bold, put my finger up her ass and fingered her to finish her. anal play has been a turn-on ever since.

recently, i saw her and her new baby, and i thought to myself, i jammed two fingers in your cunt and one in your ass, bitch.

[GonzoStyle]

i was in 7th grade, i went out and auditioned for bye bye birdie and got the part of hugo peabody.

I stopped right there because there was no way he was topping this.

[Hawt Baux]

great story...

Minutes 1-3 took off slow but 4 and 5 were really compelling.

[GonzoStyle]

exciting, were you in bye bye birdy?

[Galt]

$100 for the massage: $60 for the tip

[GonzoStyle]

does a hand job count as sex?

[Keyser Soze]

no

[GonzoStyle]

denied!

[Danked]

My first time was so awkward I don't count it and have tried desperately to repress the memory.

It happened after a date with my first serious girlfriend in high school where we probably just sat around Borders drinking coffee and reading books in the aisles. This was before I ever smoked pot and fell deeper within the hippie crowd later in my sophmore year and I had somehow managed to woo a tall, pretty senior girl. She was a fun girl and although for the most part she seemed fairly shy and conservative to most people, she did prove quite fun and adventurous. The preceding weeks had consisted of a lot of heavy petting and extended makeout sessions in both our bedrooms and cars but neither one of us had really thrown down the guantlet and made a move. I had not yet tried oral or received it, but I certainly learned how to make her purr by pressing the right buttons. It was this she said that prompted her to pull to the side of the road and pounce on me after a boring night at the book store for "a little fun." I lived in a pretty rural area at the time and she pulled up on to the grass of a dark country road about a mile before my house. After some fondling of each other's goodies through our clothes she dragged me to the back of the minivan for "a little naked time." Her words.

We made out for a long time while we slowly disrobed along the way. I think by the time we were both fully nude, the Dave Matthews Band tape she had been playing flipped over twice on the tape player and we had significantly steamed up the van's windows. It made me a little nervous as several cars did go by and it would have been obvious that a love sauna was going on within, but I felt safe since her van was so far off the road.

I actually thought the we might only go so far as a little oral experimentation that night, but she took her tongue out of my ear long enough to whisper that she picked up some condoms on the way to pick me up earlier. Jackpot. By now, I was so aroused that Little Dankey was engorged to the point of discomfort. She kneeled down on the floor to do the honors and started to roll one on for me when the worst possible thing that could possibly fucking happen at that exact moment happened.

There was a knock on the driver's window.

A very loud knock.

An official sounding knock.

A cop had snuck up on us! While the windows were foggy, we could still make out things in the night, but this cop came out of nowhere. We were pretty certain after the fact that he had even rolled up behind us with his lights off to catch us unawares. Now she, being 18 and with obvious intentions to get this skinny, pimply 16 year old off, immediately starts to freak out, but somehow manages to move at record speed to get decent. She threw on her panties and the nearest shirt which turned out to be both mine and inside out and hops back into the driver's seat. The cop knocks again as she slowly cracks the window.

"I don't want your IDs, I don't want your names, and I don't care what's going on," he says, "I just want you to move along."

"Yes, sir..." she squeaked.

I was crouched down on the floor in the back looking for either my boxers or my t-shirt, of which I couldn't find either so I just tried to hide behind her seat.

"Go home, kids."

She clicked in her seatbelt, started the car, and the cop turned to head back to his car somewhere in the shadows as I finally found my boxers, slipped them on, and saddened and deflated, buckled myself into the passenger seat. The cop followed us for a couple of miles before he finally turned off and we both breathed a sigh of relief. Undeterred by our foiled attempt to fornicate, I made what to her was probably a pretty random request judging by the confused look she gave me.

"Let's go to my grandfather's house!"

I explained how my parents had a rented him an apartment in the senior community in town due to his declining health but seeing as how he away visiting my aunt for the weekend, we had the house to ourselves for the night and for "a little naked time." We booked over to the senior lot, threw on enough clothes so that if any of granddad's neighbors saw us they wouldn't call the cops at the two naked kids tiptoeing up the new guy's porch, and tiptoed down the walk to my granddad's apartment. She pounced on me as soon as we got through the door and tried to drag me into the first door she saw which was actually the little closet where they hide the washer and dryer units. I spun us around and led her to the bedroom where I pushed her down on the bed where we started back at it. I had her shirt off and she was unbuckling my pants when I suddenly had a moment of conscience.

"Hold on..... we can't do this."

With a pout, she asks "Why not?"

"I just can't..... not on my grandfather's bed."

"Ugh!"

"Hold on.... wait.... I've got it!" I exclaim. "LET ME JUST GO GET A TOWEL!!!!!!!"

So I did. I went in the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and LAID IT ON THE FLOOR. Then I looked at her.... nearly nude.... horny.... on a bed... and probably looked extremely proud to suggest that this would be a much more suitable place to have sex as opposed to the bed three feet from me.

She relented and laid down on the floor as I struggled to open the condom package and then struggled to put it on until I realized that I was trying to put it on inside out. The momemt had come and gone and we had just approached maximum awkwardness. I tried kissing her and warming her up, but all it amounted to was a bunch of nervous fumbling at this point and all the foreplay skills I thought I had just flew out the window. It was by her frustrated look that I realized I better just go for it and hope for the best.

My best was about 20 seconds. Oh god, that was embarrassing. I tried to keep pumping and maybe try to fool her into thinking I hadn't came yet, but the little guy just didn't have it in him anymore. Sheepishly, I mumbled a sorry, pulled out, and ran back to the bathroom to clean up trying to avoid her eyes. In the bathroom, I avoided my own eyes in the mirror as I bemoaned my fate as one of those guys I heard calling in to Lovelines late at night on Z100 that just couldn't hold it together long enough to get a woman off. I feared I would forever be a one pump chump. For years afterword I stuck to fondling and mastering the art of oral sex to avoid the disappointment of only 20 seconds. I missed out on a lot of potential sex for fear that I would just disappoint and it wasn't until 5 years later that I learned that all it takes is a little practice, pacing, and finesse to go for a long time and I finally had sex that I could count.

Oh, man. What a magical night. It was everyting they said it would be.

[GonzoStyle]

It was like a journey, bravo!

[Danked]

I never ever tell that story. I'm so ashamed.

I do credit my aversion to sex all those years to making me more attentive during foreplay.

[GonzoStyle]

You should be proud, it was brilliant story telling. It was like I was actually there in your grandfathers bedroom.

The guy barely posts 2 words for months and then comes back like john travolta in pulp fiction.

[Keyser Soze]

welcome back danked

[Danked]

You should be proud, it was brilliant story telling. It was like I was actually there in your grandfathers bedroom.

Go ahead and get comfortable on the bed, if you'd like.

No one is using it!