Things I want to do before I die

[Bloody Anus]

In no particular order:

1. Leave an upper decker in somebody’s toilet. I had the perfect opportunity to do this several years ago but unfortunately was unaware of what an upper decker was. The ideal situation would be to see the person’s reaction after they flush, but something of this magnitude probably warrants a shit and run.

2. Take a lie detector test. I am a phenomenal liar. It’s really fun sometimes to just lie for no apparent reason, with nothing at all to gain from it. I am very confident in my ability to pass a polygraph and am extremely curious to find out.

3. Play tetherball again. It’s been way too long.

4. Take 2-3 months off during a summer to drive around the country and see a MLB game in every stadium. I’ve only been to 3 stadiums, and that just will not suffice.

5. Experience every illegal drug at least once: peyote, LSD, heroin, PCP, meth, crack, cocaine

6. Be tortured for information. I’ve always maintained that I have a very strong pain tolerance, but I can never be truly sure how strong until forced into such an extreme situation. I am very intrigued to see just how much pain I’d be able to endure. Plus, it would be a big confidence boost knowing that I am harboring information that is THAT important to somebody.

7. Take a shit in a urinal. Not just a little turd but a huge, full blown haven’t shit in 3 days, t-rex sized shit. Again, people’s reactions are the best part of any shit crime, none more so than the urinal shit. In a perfect world I’d set a small camera up. Those who laugh hysterically are people to hang out with. Those that are disgusted or, worse yet, try to flush it, should be destroyed. Something like that happens so infrequently that it needs to be shared with others. There is no worse act man can do than prevent others from seeing shit in a urinal. Now that I think about it, seeing shit in a urinal would probably be just as satisfying (and less risky) as actually performing the shit.

8. Go to space. Not for very long, and not so much to explore other planets or anything like that. But to just see the entire Earth with your own 2 eyes I imagine is a pretty humbling experience.

9. Kill a man. This could easily be split apart into their own categories as there are many ways to accomplish this. Beating someone to death with my bare hands, decapitation, snapping a neck, shotgun to the face, slitting a throat, etc. Not only would killing someone be tremendously cathartic, it would be a great learning experience. One that everybody should have the chance to have. On a similar note, I would like to see if I can plan out and execute a perfect murder without ever being caught. Ultimately, this is where #2 would come into play.

10. Be involved in a natural disaster. Hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, avalanche, blizzard, whatever. Bring it on, they look like loads of fun! I’d be hard pressed to think of a more exciting event a human can partake in.

[Arpikarhu]

you have serious potty issues

[Keyser Soze]

further proof why BA deserves a lifetime achievement award

[Bloody Anus]

you have serious potty issues

No arguments here. I just think one of the funniest things that can ever be witnessed is how people react to unordinary, unexpected, albeit disgusting, things. And one of the most unexpected things you can ever hope to see is a piece of shit where it does not belong.

[Mad]

9. Kill a man. This could easily be split apart into their own categories as there are many ways to accomplish this. Beating someone to death with my bare hands, decapitation, snapping a neck, shotgun to the face, slitting a throat, etc. Not only would killing someone be tremendously cathartic, it would be a great learning experience. One that everybody should have the chance to have. On a similar note, I would like to see if I can plan out and execute a perfect murder without ever being caught. Ultimately, this is where #2 would come into play.

Start with small animals and work your way up the food chain.

[Keyser Soze]

you're a creepy dude, and thats coming from a pretty creepy dude.

[Gooch]

BA probably has a German Shizer video collection

[Bloody Anus]

I have no desire to, nor can I think of any valid reason, to kill a small animal

[Gooch]

unless you are defecating on it. AMIRITE?

[HedCold]

i too want to give an upper decker. the closest i came was peeing into a frats shower at one of their party's, and thats not really close at all.

[GonzoStyle]

9. Kill a man. This could easily be split apart into their own categories as there are many ways to accomplish this. Beating someone to death with my bare hands, decapitation, snapping a neck, shotgun to the face, slitting a throat, etc. Not only would killing someone be tremendously cathartic, it would be a great learning experience. One that everybody should have the chance to have. On a similar note, I would like to see if I can plan out and execute a perfect murder without ever being caught. Ultimately, this is where #2 would come into play.

Start with small animals and work your way up the food chain.

You two should get together and remake Hitchcocks "Rope"

[Bloody Anus]

Do you mean kill it by defecating on it,
or defecate on it after mortally wounding it?

[Gooch]

You should slice it open like a Tauntan in Empire Strikes Back, and then stuff your stool in it. Then...fuck it or throw it away. Or both.

[Bloody Anus]

Would it be dead after slicing it open, or would I stitch it back up to see how long it can survive with human excrement coursing through its veins?

[Gooch]

I'd have to go with the latter on that one. But try to walk around with the stool and blood from your semi-erect cock.

[Mad]

I have no desire to, nor can I think of any valid reason, to kill a small animal

Then odds are you couldn't kill another human being.

[Bloody Anus]

Space docking: The act of defecating directly into one's vagina. Like a space ship attempting to dock to a space station, "space docking" involves very accurate control and near-perfect alignment of the two orifices. Space docking is enjoying a resurgence of popularity, particularly in the midwestern and northeastern United States (most notably Chicago and New York City) that reminds many art historians/scatologists of the beginning of the renaissance that began in Italy in the 15th Century.

[diceisgod]

i ain't touching this thread with a 10 foot pole

[Bloody Anus]

I win!

[diceisgod]

enjoy your stay in guantanamo