Rocky racoon checked into his room only to find...

GonzoStyle · 03-29-2002, 09:16 PM

I was in a hotel last weekend, after getting drunk and playing darts with a strange redneck. I returned to my room pretty blasted and decided to relax for an hour before going to the hotel bar for some drinks with some co-workers I was there with.

Anyway I am looking through the drawers next to the bed and what does old Rocky Racoon find? Yep, a copy of Gideon's Bible...

Now look I am not against the fact that people want to or should or do believe in, God, Vishnu, Allah, Moses, Abraham, The fact that Reagan was a great president. Even though they maybe true or false but I start reading the fuckin green book and I am just fuckin amazed.

So what do I do? I start writing on the bible making notes... what's the point of this thread you maybe asking...

Well I finally figured out the spooks were right, GOD is black.

Figure it simply this way. God created the heavens and earth... yeah you know he just poped out of nowhere with these cool powers, just like that. He created man the same week yet scientificly we didn't appear for billions of years after the fact but who needs real facts? It's religion after all.

Now GOD created man of his own image, but we think of our image as it is today... AH HA!!!!!!

No, when GOD "created man" he had to create man as he first appeared and we all know we stem from 'apes' or 'ape like creatures' Not apes as we know them today. But 'cavemen' or 'mongoloids'. So if GOD created man of his own image then god is an 'ape-like mongoloid' Thus making GOD not white but Black.

Yes I came up with all this while I was very drunk and wanted to share it with you all week but I was 'detained'.

Sloatsburgh · 03-29-2002, 09:43 PM

GonzoStyle Wrote:I was in a hotel last weekend, after getting drunk and playing darts with a strange redneck. I returned to my room pretty blasted and decided to relax for an hour before going to the hotel bar for some drinks with some co-workers I was there with.

Anyway I am looking through the drawers next to the bed and what does old Rocky Racoon find? Yep, a copy of Gideon's Bible...

Now look I am not against the fact that people want to or should or do believe in, God, Vishnu, Allah, Moses, Abraham, The fact that Reagan was a great president. Even though they maybe true or false but I start reading the fuckin green book and I am just fuckin amazed.

So what do I do? I start writing on the bible making notes... what's the point of this thread you maybe asking...

Well I finally figured out the spooks were right, GOD is black.

Figure it simply this way. God created the heavens and earth... yeah you know he just poped out of nowhere with these cool powers, just like that. He created man the same week yet scientificly we didn't appear for billions of years after the fact but who needs real facts? It's religion after all.

Now GOD created man of his own image, but we think of our image as it is today... AH HA!!!!!!

No, when GOD "created man" he had to create man as he first appeared and we all know we stem from 'apes' or 'ape like creatures' Not apes as we know them today. But 'cavemen' or 'mongoloids'. So if GOD created man of his own image then god is an 'ape-like mongoloid' Thus making GOD not white but Black.

Yes I came up with all this while I was very drunk and wanted to share it with you all week but I was 'detained'.

Well, then that explains all the animals in Australia... God was getting high...

that also he's a lazy shiftless worker.... he had to destroy the dinosaurs because he fucked up...

GonzoStyle · 03-29-2002, 09:52 PM

Australia is actually a place I'd love to live. When's the last time they ever got into trouble? You don't hear about them, they keep to them selves. There's no terrorists, no wars, no bullshit. Just weird fuckin bears who do bad movies with Dice Clay.

Maynard · 03-29-2002, 10:06 PM

And to think, I almost moved this thread to music.

GonzoStyle · 03-29-2002, 10:08 PM

Maynard Wrote:And to think, I almost moved this thread to music.

YOU WANNA DIE?!?!?!!?

Bring it on you mongoloid!!!

DGW · 03-29-2002, 10:28 PM

So yer saying God is a spook?

GonzoStyle · 03-29-2002, 10:39 PM

DGW Wrote:So yer saying God is a spook?

God drags his knuckles is what I'm saying. So if he was here on earth he'd either be in jail or playing for the Cowboys.

No wonder civilization is all fucked up, GOD is a crack-head.

Tequila · 03-30-2002, 12:01 AM

So your saying God is a porch monkey?

HedCold · 03-30-2002, 12:04 AM

i guess that explains why they have the big dicks

IkeaBoy · 03-30-2002, 12:44 AM

I had to read the New Testament for a class (Old Testament coming later) and at one point they say Jesus died by "hanging him on a tree". Acts (10:39) and as we know Mary was raped by God (a black man doing their natural thing) and you can't get much more black than a lynching. So yeah, I'll buy that.

Keyser Soze · 03-30-2002, 01:27 AM

Adam looked like Mike Tyson.

Ken'sPen · 03-30-2002, 02:58 AM

HOLY GHOST = SPOOK.

diceisgod · 03-30-2002, 03:09 AM

IAMGOD

Now we know.

Sloatsburgh · 03-30-2002, 04:54 AM

Why do I have an image of a large pachyderm and a big wooden box in my head?

IkeaBoy · 03-30-2002, 08:26 AM

Sloatsburgh Wrote:Why do I have an image of a large pachyderm and a big wooden box in my head?

because you always think of giant erect elephant penises

LZMF1 · 03-30-2002, 08:30 AM

i'll bet jesus played a mean game of hoops!!!!!

Edited By LZMF1 on April 01 2002 at 6:09

Sluggo · 03-30-2002, 08:34 AM

Ikeaqueer said this...

Quote:because you always think of giant erect elephant penises

<span id='ME'><center>Sluggo Thinks it's you that can't get the thought of giant penises out of your head.</center></span>

The Painter · 03-30-2002, 02:38 PM

Have you noticed that the time references are all off in the Bible? Noah live to be 900 years old. Yeah right! The earth and everything were created in a week? One day must have been a billion years or something. These time discrepancies are called CPT. CPT=Colored People Time, further proving Gonzostyle's theory.

GonzoStyle · 03-30-2002, 04:53 PM

Well like I said, painter is absoluetly correct. God creates the earth and the stars so we can from that see that he created all the other planets, yet why is there no life there? I mean if the earth is several billion years old and he did all this in 6 days, you'd think he coulda taken his lazy ass and did the same on the other planets. But how does God create earth and man in the same week, yet there is no scientific proof that man is any older than a million years old.

But I may have an answer.....

Spell God backwards and you get Dog... and we all know how fucked up dog years are.... yes folks God is a Pitbull.

Jack · 03-31-2002, 07:47 AM

Ok.. may I just say that just by reading this thread all the way through I am definately going to hell.