So what are we doing tonight, brain? - Guide to joining the forces of darkness

[Sluggo]

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a young helpless child. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as an evil twin/opposite?


Stage Two
Next, you will seize control of the Internet. This will cause countless hordes of mean english teachers to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with dear god no, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.


Stage Three
Finally, you will unleash your plague of doom, bringing about an end to sanity. This will all be done from a Abandoned Church, an excellent choice if we might say.

These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

Trust us, it'll all come together in the end.