11-09-2003, 01:25 AM
1) Derek Jeter. Is this guy really that good looking? I don't get it. Perhaps I'm jealous, or perhaps I'm letting my hatred of his team blind me, but I really think I'm being objective when I say that this guy looks like a f*cking alien. Tino Martinez? Not a bad looking dude. Paul O'Neill? Handsome, I'd say, in a rugged, alcoholic Irish sense. But Jeter? I mean, c'mon. If the guy wasn't a baseball player and he was hanging out in some sh*tty a$$ under-17 club in Rockland County, not one girl in the bar would turn her head unless they thought someone was filming Cocoon 3.
2) Joe Torre. Yeah we get it. You're a nice guy. A good manager. You cry when your team wins. But who the fu#k picks their nose this much? My mom says it's unfair to have a camera on you in the dugout when you don't know people are watching. Agreed. Yet, you could have a camera on me 24 hours a day and maybe you catch me picking a boog three times. This guy does it six times every half hour. Buy yourself a kleenex you ugly creep. He looks like someone who might molest my little cousin on Halloween. People who look like him are the reason my mom used to go through my Halloween candy to make sure there were no razor blades.
3) Luis Sojo. Yeah, this guy's awesome. He looks like he should be a busboy at the Burrito Loco. If this guy eats one more chalupa he's gonna f*cking explode.
4) Roger Clemens. This guy's a piece of work. They say he's not a "real Yankee." That the rest of the Yankees shouldn't be judged by his idiotic personality/behavior/mentality. Bull * . He's the prototypical Yankee. A mercenary superstar who only cares about money and acts like a total a$$hole. He should be the new Yankees logo. Get rid of the "NY" symbol. Just a giant picture of Clemens throwing shattered bats at players and hitting them in the heads with 100 mile an hour baseballs. And Kissing Babe Ruth's monument before the game? F- you Clemens. I hope the monument has herpes.
5) Bernie Williams. Here's a pretty guy. Not only did he fall off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but then he hit the ground and got really disfigured. And to compensate for his looks, he's got the most outgoing personality this side of Adam Hirschberg. This is a guy you can really get behind and root for.
6) Andy Pettite. Kind of like him actually. Still a homo.
7) Mariano Rivera. Hate this guy as much as any of the others. Maybe he should try eating something. This dude spits and loses six pounds. I heard someone poured champagne on him after they won and he slid down a sewer drain and drowned.
8) Yankee fans. Without bias, I find you all to be the most insuferable, fair weather, ignorant fans in the world. Know this: no matter how many championships you win, you have a BORING, UNLIKABLE, UN-EXCITING TEAM. If I was a Yankee fan myself I would find it hard to root for them. May they all rot in hell.
2) Joe Torre. Yeah we get it. You're a nice guy. A good manager. You cry when your team wins. But who the fu#k picks their nose this much? My mom says it's unfair to have a camera on you in the dugout when you don't know people are watching. Agreed. Yet, you could have a camera on me 24 hours a day and maybe you catch me picking a boog three times. This guy does it six times every half hour. Buy yourself a kleenex you ugly creep. He looks like someone who might molest my little cousin on Halloween. People who look like him are the reason my mom used to go through my Halloween candy to make sure there were no razor blades.
3) Luis Sojo. Yeah, this guy's awesome. He looks like he should be a busboy at the Burrito Loco. If this guy eats one more chalupa he's gonna f*cking explode.
4) Roger Clemens. This guy's a piece of work. They say he's not a "real Yankee." That the rest of the Yankees shouldn't be judged by his idiotic personality/behavior/mentality. Bull * . He's the prototypical Yankee. A mercenary superstar who only cares about money and acts like a total a$$hole. He should be the new Yankees logo. Get rid of the "NY" symbol. Just a giant picture of Clemens throwing shattered bats at players and hitting them in the heads with 100 mile an hour baseballs. And Kissing Babe Ruth's monument before the game? F- you Clemens. I hope the monument has herpes.
5) Bernie Williams. Here's a pretty guy. Not only did he fall off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but then he hit the ground and got really disfigured. And to compensate for his looks, he's got the most outgoing personality this side of Adam Hirschberg. This is a guy you can really get behind and root for.
6) Andy Pettite. Kind of like him actually. Still a homo.
7) Mariano Rivera. Hate this guy as much as any of the others. Maybe he should try eating something. This dude spits and loses six pounds. I heard someone poured champagne on him after they won and he slid down a sewer drain and drowned.
8) Yankee fans. Without bias, I find you all to be the most insuferable, fair weather, ignorant fans in the world. Know this: no matter how many championships you win, you have a BORING, UNLIKABLE, UN-EXCITING TEAM. If I was a Yankee fan myself I would find it hard to root for them. May they all rot in hell.
![[Image: 723475742_8cb2b0be6c.jpg]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1019/723475742_8cb2b0be6c.jpg)