The Random Galt & Gonzo Childhood Memories Thread

[GonzoStyle]

ouch.
all this makes me terribly sad.

I always tell people who try to comfort me or get like queasy, this shit doesn't even bother me, its just entertaining stories. If I really wanted pity, theres much worse stories of beatings, abuse and shit I could tell to jerk at the heart strings but thats not the point. These are just "embarassing" little stories from childhood that were embarassing at the time but just plain old funny now.

Like I had one come to me while I was at the gym tonight.

This one isnt a childhood memory but pretty random. I have been a best man at a wedding 4 times in my life, thrice for friends and once for my cousin.

The very first time was while I was still in high school.

I had this spic friend Alejandro and he was dating this illegal, her visa or whatever was running out and it was gonna be time to go home, so he decided to wife her. The thing is, he was such a scumbag, he'd like call me and say "hey lets go for a drive to eat". Then we'd end up in the fuckin bronx, waiting for his mom at some clinic, he just took me along so he wouldnt get bored, making me think we were going like to get a quick bite but im stuck in the bronx for 10 hours.

So one day, I fall for it again. "yo lets go chill for a bit, maybe hit up the mall". It was pretty cold but I figure we're going from the car to the mall, so i'll just put on a sport suit jacket. So I get down and climb in the spic caddy aka the el dorado and his g/f is in the back, she like never chills with us cause she dont halbo ingles. But anyway, we get on the belt but we're going the opposite way from the mall, we're heading towards manhattan. I'm like what the fuck? "oh I gotta make a quick stop holmes". Fuckin quick stop my ass, so we're basically like 5 minutes from manhattan and he starts laughing "yo, im getting married son, i didnt wanna say nothing before, incase you wouldnt come".

Ugh, so we get to city hall and we get on the line for the fucks getting hitched. So this fuck and his goonie goo goo lookin fiance, they fuckin leave, "yo were gonna get like a hot dog, want something?" so i say yeah get me a dog and soda. Fuckin over an hour or so later, im standing there freezing my ass off and they still arent back. Then finally they stroll back, "yo wheres my fuckin dog and where you been?".... "oh, we decided to go to the italian restaurant, sorry bro i forgot to bring you something".... MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Finally we get inside and another fuckin like 2 hour wait to get with the ceremony. Fuckin I wasted like 7 hours on this shit, froze my ass off and he just had a grand old time.

I did get my revenge later on when he came to visit me at work one day, with divorce papers. He didnt wanna go to an attorney and got the paperwork and asked me to fill it out for him. I totally fucked up all his paperwork for him.