09-06-2007, 06:38 PM
It’s just not funny. Two reasons.
First of all, it’s an offshoot of the gay term “sweater puppets” used to describe a woman’s breasts. Not gay in the homosexual sense, mind you, but gay in the super ultra mega LAME sense. Should I have just used lame instead of gay? Possibly. But who fucking cares? It’s something you’d expect to hear from a WWE fan to describe Chyna’s tits, conveniently forgetting what a disgusting creature she was prior to having surgery on every single body part to assist in making her look like she might possibly possess some semblance of a vagina. An experiment which failed miserably, by the way. I can come up with more subcultures of cretin that use “sweater puppets” in their daily vernacular, but they would all end up lumping back into that same WWE fan recording RAW to freeze frame the 0.4 seconds of footage when Lita’s nipple was exposed, salivating at the sight while furiously masturbating to a pixel no bigger than an eight of inch. Then they’d resume watching RAW and laugh hysterically when Jerry Lawler refers to the breasts as “puppies”. Haha, yeah! Her breasts bark, chew on furniture, and shit all over the place just like a puppy does! Genius!
Next is the word midgets. When I hear the word midget, I think of an abnormally disfigured, creepy looking “human being”. Their entire little body is completely disproportional. I saw a midget biker a few months ago. Unfortunately I didn’t actually see him on a bike, that would have been interesting. I just saw him wobbling around in a leather jacket, chaps, sunglasses, boots, the whole deal. All I can do was shake my head and think “Why? What are you doing?” You’re not fooling anyone. There is absolutely no logistical way you can ride a motorcycle. A car, sure. You just need a phone book or 20 and a piece of wood or something to reach the pedals. But a motorcycle? Get the fuck out outta here. It’s just not happening. That would be like asking Gooch to drive anything smaller than an Excursion. (cause he’s fat!!)
Anyway, when using “midget” to aid in the description of female breasts, I can’t help but attribute the same abnormal, disfigured, disproportional attributes to said breasts. Instead of being used to describe a small, yet potentially nice, set of breasts, “sweater midgets” bring to mind two chewed up, beaten, disfigured, possibly burned, nasty looking slabs of flesh, one of them residing near a rib. Another visual that comes to mind is a chick with two Quatos where her tits should be.
Tits. What’s wrong with good ol’ fashioned tits? Or rack. Even melons is understandable. Once you start adding on multiple syllables though, it just becomes unnecessary overkill and feels forced.
First of all, it’s an offshoot of the gay term “sweater puppets” used to describe a woman’s breasts. Not gay in the homosexual sense, mind you, but gay in the super ultra mega LAME sense. Should I have just used lame instead of gay? Possibly. But who fucking cares? It’s something you’d expect to hear from a WWE fan to describe Chyna’s tits, conveniently forgetting what a disgusting creature she was prior to having surgery on every single body part to assist in making her look like she might possibly possess some semblance of a vagina. An experiment which failed miserably, by the way. I can come up with more subcultures of cretin that use “sweater puppets” in their daily vernacular, but they would all end up lumping back into that same WWE fan recording RAW to freeze frame the 0.4 seconds of footage when Lita’s nipple was exposed, salivating at the sight while furiously masturbating to a pixel no bigger than an eight of inch. Then they’d resume watching RAW and laugh hysterically when Jerry Lawler refers to the breasts as “puppies”. Haha, yeah! Her breasts bark, chew on furniture, and shit all over the place just like a puppy does! Genius!
Next is the word midgets. When I hear the word midget, I think of an abnormally disfigured, creepy looking “human being”. Their entire little body is completely disproportional. I saw a midget biker a few months ago. Unfortunately I didn’t actually see him on a bike, that would have been interesting. I just saw him wobbling around in a leather jacket, chaps, sunglasses, boots, the whole deal. All I can do was shake my head and think “Why? What are you doing?” You’re not fooling anyone. There is absolutely no logistical way you can ride a motorcycle. A car, sure. You just need a phone book or 20 and a piece of wood or something to reach the pedals. But a motorcycle? Get the fuck out outta here. It’s just not happening. That would be like asking Gooch to drive anything smaller than an Excursion. (cause he’s fat!!)
Anyway, when using “midget” to aid in the description of female breasts, I can’t help but attribute the same abnormal, disfigured, disproportional attributes to said breasts. Instead of being used to describe a small, yet potentially nice, set of breasts, “sweater midgets” bring to mind two chewed up, beaten, disfigured, possibly burned, nasty looking slabs of flesh, one of them residing near a rib. Another visual that comes to mind is a chick with two Quatos where her tits should be.
Tits. What’s wrong with good ol’ fashioned tits? Or rack. Even melons is understandable. Once you start adding on multiple syllables though, it just becomes unnecessary overkill and feels forced.