Porn Reviews by DiggityDog (Pro for hire, in demand)

[diceisgod]

So SimonScans.com is what one would call an "erotica" type site I guess. I joined it solely & only because they had some broad I had been searching high and low for a while and there "Mona" was. Happy guy. I promised no one but the voice in my head that I would kindly join such a site that could provide more content of her other than the same damn thing - seemingly the be all & end of her Internet presense previously. Irrelevance aside, I kept my promise to myself and joined as it was $100 USD for 6-mos access (ie. the only option with no recurring & periodic 'let's fuck people in the ass' credit card charges and auto re-subs, etc).

My two still unanswered emails to their support staff below tell the rest of the tale. So join this site at your own peril if you even f'n heard of this "top adult site" per the following & prefaced by the two laughable blurbs on their site pasted below:

One of the things we take seriously at Simonscans, and hopefully one of the reasons we remain one of the top adult site is that we listen to what you say.

Also see this whooper from the FAQ:

How do I contact customer support?

Fill out the form here and a human will respond ASAP, but within 24 hours. We are UK based and don't work well without sleep, so replies will generally be within hours, but from 00:00 GMT to 07:00 GMT may take a little longer. You can use this form for anything from general questions to specific problems. Try to be as specific as possble with nature of the problem and include a way of identifying you in the database - Email, name and username are best. You may also be able to answer some questions for yourself by reading down the FAQs, but don't feel inhibited in contacting us anyway, your feedback and input is always appreciated. Oh and if you are aren't a member at all and would like to ask a question before joining, feel free to do that as well.[/url]

Emails one & two follow finally - also the latter being time-stamped TWO days latter

Autoresponse below from my submission in their support email form - which appears to have been cut off. Did it all go through or was it cut off past line 2 before it made it's way to them? I love having to worry about this Micky Mouse stuff already by the way.

Email from robot:

----- Original Message -----
From: "Simonscans Support"
To: tripb@blah
Sent: Sunday, October 14, 2007 7:10 AM
Subject: Re: [Ticket#XHWBLAHSHDIODOJ] SS support query


Thanks for your e-mail. A new ticket has been created.

You wrote:
>
> Name: BBB
> E-mail: <!-- e --><a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a><!-- e -->
> Username: B3
> Comment: Per Mona<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.simonscans.com/models/365.html">http://www.simonscans.com/models/365.html</a><!-- m -->)
>

Your e-mail will be answered by a human asap


My follow up/reply to this email:

Hello,

This email that I sent below doesn't appear complete ie there was more to it then what is listed there. What I want to know about is in regard to the model named Mona. Specifically, I am requesting that you folks fix up and
upload what was filmed during her two solo sessions in Prague in 2005. If no film, what a terrible waste and in fact a disgrace. Sure, there are copius pictures I will admit and am grateful.. In fact, there are so many pictures (not just for Mona but all models) that if one downloads one of those zips, opens, and then flips through real quick, it's almost like a seemless, realtime scene in some parts. Anyway, this is a kind of pointless though also interesting observation in that it demontrated how thorough the respective phoographer was. I am hoping such diligence included he/she to have a tape running throughout - and why they aren't already on the site is the next comment as they should be up soon after the shoot in my opinion.

With all due respect & as I'm sure your site is comparable or better with
the many other solo/new model type sites out there, I think you guys really need to step it up regarding videos. Digital photos just aren't going to cut it and hold my business beyond the next 6 mos which I subscribed. In my view, it's 2007 and video is where it's at. Pic galleries were excellent - that is 7-8 years back when most had dial-up. Now we are truly on the info highway, moreso Autobahn really as there are no more excuses for not having ample video content available and easily accessible. Moreover, the market is so flooded with nudie pics that one can just go out and grab most anything they want and not pay you $100 - if I was even interested in pics in the first place as I wouldn't waste my time even to get the freebies. Anyway....

NEED VIDS. Many more, for all sessions past, present, & future (and most
importantly the one with Mona). Chicks diddling, thrashing and cumming like the world will end in an hour - this (& this being of exceptional quality) is why (& only why) I might choose to pay someone for their unique content. Moreover, I only joined your site because I accidentally
tripped over as you featured this Mona person as she is impossible to find outside her one scene where she is called Diana in another solo performance. Therefore, if you folks can through up some vids of her two sessions of dildo and diddle work etc, that would be most excellent & appreciated, but if no such footage exists then I would have serious questions of your orgs professionalism.

Lastly and this is a relatively minor gripe, in one of her galleries Mona has these absurdly ugly boot on (hiking boots?). Whoever the photographer was that conceived that should really lay off the angel dust. She looks ridciulous in those boots. What's wrong with someone who let's that happen? So that's it and thanks as again I would really like the vids of those sessions spliced up and uploaded and the quicker you folks can do that for the rest of the ladies, the better. And if there was zero video taken during ANY of these photo sessions with all your models,. then good God one needs to ask what is going on over there??

Thanks for your time.

Best Regards,
bbb

Email Autoresponse #2 - Cut off again!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Simonscans Support"
To: bbb
Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2007 11:00 PM
Subject: Re: [Ticket#sfgsgsdgsgsdgsdg] SS support query


Thanks for your e-mail. A new ticket has been created.

You wrote:
>
> Name: trripb
> E-mail: blah
> Username: trip
> Comment: Any progress/comments per Ticket#HDGUDISDKDJDHD?
> Sent on: Sent: Sunday, October 14, 2007 7:10 AM

Your e-mail will be answered by a human asap


Follow up reply to optimus prime or whatever the little autobot's name (with due praise though!):

Yes, humans and asap is good. By the way, does your comment box for
submitting these type emails through the support email form on the site
cut-off everything past line two? See email below by the non-human, timely SS employee. That was a four line email and the forward there only shows two. That's kinda eyebrow raising, no? Ya know, I think you should really consider sending the $100 I paid join right to Mona because so far she is the shining beacon in a very confused & foggy storm that is raining all over my first impression of your site. Do you sell umbrellas too?

Regards,
trip

So on a four star rating system, I would have to thus far give simonscans.com a reciprocal big fat cock right back up their own ass.