08-29-2008, 01:52 AM
I am an incredibly fucked up individual. I’m not just saying that for some shock value or to be edgy or in some kind of, “nigger nigger cunt cunt look at me I’m wacky” kind of way. I have some serious deep-seated issues. I am as emotionally, socially, psychologically fucked up as anyone you will ever encounter in your e-lives or real lives. I am going to be 29 years old in a couple of weeks and I have absolutely no idea who I am, who I want to be, or what I want out of life. The cognitive dissonance that goes on in my damaged brain on a daily basis has led to the creation of multiple personalities. I have several different aspects of my personality that I display depending on my surroundings. The person I have been on these boards is not the person I am when I’m around family or friends or at work or around strangers.
The person that I have displayed the last eight years on these boards is but a small representation of everything that makes up me. I have said (written, whatever) things on these boards, to you people, that I have never shared with anybody else. Whether it be about my feelings on niggers, god, retards, pederasts, what have you, this side of my personality is the closest to being the real “me” that I have been able to achieve. And yet, this Bloody Anus character still only represents a small fraction of everything that is me. There are things that you know about me that nobody else, not even my family, knows. I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to convey here, or what I hope to accomplish or hoped to accomplish over the years by maintaining this enigmatic, mysterioso personality, but all I know is that that means something. You know things about me, or things that I think or believe in, that my own mother doesn’t even know. That’s something.
I’ve had no interest over the years in getting to know anyone here or forming any kind of e-friendships. But the fact that I’ve “known” (as much as anyone can “know” someone based on text on a monitor) people here for upwards of eight years, is pretty amazing when I stop and think about it. I don’t have a lot of friends, and for a stretch OA.com was the only semblance of a social life I had. I never posted much because I really didn’t think I had too much to say. I never wanted to get into these back and forth one line "conversations". I wanted each and every post to mean something. I never wanted to post for the sake of posting. As a result I never got to “know” anyone as much as some side(s) of my personalities would have probably liked. The Bloody Anus portion of “me” didn’t want to be bigger than the board, didn’t want to stand out, didn’t want any kind of extra attention, didn’t want to win any meaningless awards. But somewhere inside of me, all that stuff obviously meant something, as I kept coming back after all these years.
There’s more to be said, but I just want to get this posted and ultimately archived before it’s too late. I have a tendency of rambling on and on and I don’t have that luxury now. For those that didn’t know and are interested, I do have a website up at memoirsofadespicableman.com. I have a plethora of ideas and plans for this site, some of which I’ve wanted to do for years. I don’t know how much of this I will get to, how much time I will spend on the site, or if I will even renew it at the end of the year. But it is there and there are some good things there. Bookmark it, don't bookmark it. I started the site for me, so whether I get 1 hit or 1,000 is meaningless. Hopefully I’ll garner the motivation necessary to keep it updated somewhat regularly. If not, not.
In closing, this was the best board ever and I can’t really say that I’ll miss it since I haven’t really been around much anyway. But for what it’s worth, I enjoyed my time here and found it very refreshing that there was still one place, one messageboard/forum left on this abortion known as the internet, that still “got it”. No censorship, no overmodding, none of the unnecessary bullshit that makes me wish the internet were never invented.
Bye.
![[Image: psycho2.jpg]](http://memoirsofadespicableman.com/pics/blanus/psycho2.jpg)
The person that I have displayed the last eight years on these boards is but a small representation of everything that makes up me. I have said (written, whatever) things on these boards, to you people, that I have never shared with anybody else. Whether it be about my feelings on niggers, god, retards, pederasts, what have you, this side of my personality is the closest to being the real “me” that I have been able to achieve. And yet, this Bloody Anus character still only represents a small fraction of everything that is me. There are things that you know about me that nobody else, not even my family, knows. I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to convey here, or what I hope to accomplish or hoped to accomplish over the years by maintaining this enigmatic, mysterioso personality, but all I know is that that means something. You know things about me, or things that I think or believe in, that my own mother doesn’t even know. That’s something.
I’ve had no interest over the years in getting to know anyone here or forming any kind of e-friendships. But the fact that I’ve “known” (as much as anyone can “know” someone based on text on a monitor) people here for upwards of eight years, is pretty amazing when I stop and think about it. I don’t have a lot of friends, and for a stretch OA.com was the only semblance of a social life I had. I never posted much because I really didn’t think I had too much to say. I never wanted to get into these back and forth one line "conversations". I wanted each and every post to mean something. I never wanted to post for the sake of posting. As a result I never got to “know” anyone as much as some side(s) of my personalities would have probably liked. The Bloody Anus portion of “me” didn’t want to be bigger than the board, didn’t want to stand out, didn’t want any kind of extra attention, didn’t want to win any meaningless awards. But somewhere inside of me, all that stuff obviously meant something, as I kept coming back after all these years.
There’s more to be said, but I just want to get this posted and ultimately archived before it’s too late. I have a tendency of rambling on and on and I don’t have that luxury now. For those that didn’t know and are interested, I do have a website up at memoirsofadespicableman.com. I have a plethora of ideas and plans for this site, some of which I’ve wanted to do for years. I don’t know how much of this I will get to, how much time I will spend on the site, or if I will even renew it at the end of the year. But it is there and there are some good things there. Bookmark it, don't bookmark it. I started the site for me, so whether I get 1 hit or 1,000 is meaningless. Hopefully I’ll garner the motivation necessary to keep it updated somewhat regularly. If not, not.
In closing, this was the best board ever and I can’t really say that I’ll miss it since I haven’t really been around much anyway. But for what it’s worth, I enjoyed my time here and found it very refreshing that there was still one place, one messageboard/forum left on this abortion known as the internet, that still “got it”. No censorship, no overmodding, none of the unnecessary bullshit that makes me wish the internet were never invented.
Bye.