The shit post - Post when ya gotta go and why

JIMMYSNUKA · 03-26-2002, 10:20 PM

I have to shit so fucking bad right now.

It is probably the 3 cups of peaches n cream oatmeal and the general tso's chicken from lunch.

id rather glowing hot nails in my eyes than this pain.

Grumpy · 03-26-2002, 10:23 PM

oh yeah, this thread will last long in THE PIT.

but as a side note, I took a mean dump about 2 hours ago. i flushed 4 times and the fucking log still won't go down. I'll leave it for Pedro the cleaning guy to break up and get rid of.

Maybe he'll take it out and feed his family of 9 at home.

What? I had corn for dinner last night. There's still a few edible pieces in it.

WhipThisFez · 03-26-2002, 10:24 PM

Anyone ever have a shit where its kinda loose, there isn't much of it, but it comes out at the same time as the fart and it burns/heats your ass like all get out. It isn't the feeling that sucks, but the smell. Sheesh

JIMMYSNUKA · 03-26-2002, 10:25 PM

the corn....thats why i always have a toothpick in my pocket.

just in case some edible peices are still left.

Grumpy · 03-26-2002, 10:26 PM

I love taking the "wow - nothing on the toilet paper" kinda shits. You know the kind, you dump , you wipe once but there's nothing there.

and of course there's the "how much shit is stuck to my ass that I need a whole roll to wipe" kind that never seems to get clean. And people wonder why I have skidmarks.

Hey - Snuka - You're gonna owe gonzo bigtime royalty fees on this one. he is the king supreme on SHIT threads.

GonzoStyle · 03-26-2002, 10:27 PM

I hate the shit that you really work hard on. The one that feels like 3 feet long as it is coming out and you look back and there's a brown ravioli looking thing. I hate that shit!!!

Grumpy · 03-26-2002, 10:28 PM

how about the "escaped convict" shit that comes out as your taking a piss standing up. You think it's a fart but out comes a turtlehead and ya gotta figure out how to get to the toilet without droppin it in your drawers?

Danked · 03-26-2002, 10:28 PM

I only go poopies at home. I'll keep you posted.

Lord Magus · 03-26-2002, 10:29 PM

I hate the one where your body's going "Tons of shit!! tons of shit!!" and your bowels keep clenching trying to push it out.. when in fact there's NOTHING THERE TO SHIT!!

Galt · 03-26-2002, 10:30 PM

I sit wrong when I take a shit. I don't get it. I think that I'm sitting properly with my knees perpendicular to my shoulders, but I just don't do it right.

Because every time I flush, there's a giant glob of shit sticking to the spot on the left side of the bowl. Maybe I shift one cheak back, maybe one leg is shorter than the other, or maybe I'm leaning to one side and not realizing it. So I may have an inner ear imbalance, or maybe a tumor.

But regardless, ever time I shit, I miss the water, and the really gummy ones end up sticking to the side of the bowl, to such an extent that even if I flush thrice, it doesnt move.

So I have to take the toilet brush and scrub it off. Which obviously means that I will never actually use that thing to clean a damn thing in my bathroom.

Does anyone else have trouble aiming their shits?

Grumpy · 03-26-2002, 10:31 PM

what about the "how the hell did that just come out of me" shit that looks like the width of a 2x4 and a foot long.

JIMMYSNUKA · 03-26-2002, 10:32 PM

I hate the one where you push so hard instead of shitting piss squirts out your pisshole and soaks the little kid standing in front of you waiting until you finish so he can wipe.

FNMoron · 03-26-2002, 10:35 PM

nice topic Snuka...

Actually... I just pinched off a baby ruth & a couple tapered tootsie rolls (all sinkers)... no unwanted backsplash... one wipe down, then two up... clean flush... the key is to put a couple squares of paper on the top of the water before you open the drop the bomb...

Maynard · 03-26-2002, 10:38 PM

Thanks guys, I havent laughed this hard in a week.

But I'm still moving it to short bus.

JIMMYSNUKA · 03-26-2002, 10:44 PM

Maynard Wrote:Thanks guys, I havent laughed this hard in a week.

But I'm still moving it to short bus.

LOL..speaking of shit...

THE PARTY POOPER HAS ARRIVED :moonie:

Hybrid · 03-26-2002, 10:53 PM

ive had acid farts all last night and today, and it finally exploded today in a big nasty mess. it was breathtaking.

Hey Ladi · 03-27-2002, 12:59 AM

This is so freaking funny.

And suddenly I need to shit again. I hate going anywhere but home, and can't be with out the baby wipes, they rock.

PollyannaFlower46 · 03-27-2002, 04:58 AM

Hey Ladi Wrote:I hate going anywhere but home, and can't be with out the baby wipes, they rock.

:bouncer: I love the baby wipes! Never have to worry about going on a dig for paper bits in your crack.

Kid Afrika · 03-27-2002, 05:02 AM

PollyannaFlower46 Wrote:
Hey Ladi Wrote:I hate going anywhere but home, and can't be with out the baby wipes, they rock.
:bouncer: I love the baby wipes! Never have to worry about going on a dig for paper bits in your crack.

girls should never admit to this level of hygene. they're just never supposed to be that dirty.

Danked · 03-27-2002, 05:03 AM

Still nothing.... :thumbs-up: