Cdih raw - The first episode

[Jack]

This is the first hour only. More to follow when I get a creative spurt.

The Pyros go off and we go down to JR and The King as Raw Emanates Live from CDIH.net.

JR: OH MY GOD, A FIRST FOR THE WWE
The King: Get over it.. Theres going to be puppies and I don't want to miss them.

The Glass Shatters and U2's Beutiful Day plays. It's Sean Mother Fucking Cold.

Sean grabs the mic and begins talking about how Jack never really won the title. He just proclaimed himself as the Undisputed Champion. This of course sets off Van Halen's Running With The Devil and out come Jack and PollyannaFlower46. The King screams incoherrently about puppies while JR tries to slap some fucking sense into him. Jack grabs a mic and tells Sean that if he really wants to see what he is made of, why not face him in the Hell In The Cell TLC match tonight right in that very ring. Sean says "Why wait mother fucker, lets do it right now." Jack begins to make his way to the ring when Sweet Angel attacks Pollyanna up on the stage. Jack turns to go back to help his fallen valet when he is blindsided by Sean from behind. The refs tumble out of the back to seperate the two as we go to commercial break.

Back from the break JR informs us that Jack is being looked at by the EMT's to determine if the cut over his eye was real or from blading.

The King then informs us that we are in for a real treat tonight as Hey Ladi and Virgingrrl have agreed to a bra and panties match to determine the number one contender to the womens championship. We then cut to the back to see a crowd of people and EMT's trying to work their way through the crowd to attend to the victim. All the camera can see is a girl laying on the floor with a star on the back of her neck. The EMT's load her up onto the gurney and into the ambulance without anyone being able to see her face. Looking smitten with herself, Ladi takes a dump in the center of the ring and declares herself the number one contender.

The ring workers change the cloth on the ring while JR and The King talk about the history between the next two competitors. The champ will face off against his former manager in a bout that is destined to be the sleeper match of the night. Limp Bizkits Break Stuff hits and out comes Danked. He makes his way to the ring and grabs the mic from the Ring Announcer, Amy's, hand. "All of you think I'm nothing more than a stoner who likes everybody. Well, you know what? Fuck all of you. Your local sports team sucks too." this cues up After the Eulogy by boy sets fire and the IC Champ, Hybrid, makes his way to the ring. Danked dives out of the ring and tackles Hybrid to the cement floor. Danked poses for a while playing up the cocky heel. Hybrid makes his way to his feet and dropkicks Danked into the steel steps. Hybrid rolls into the ring to officially start the match. Your referree is none other than Sleeper himself. Sleeper initializes the ten count to begin to count Danked out. Danked slowly gets to his feet and climbs into the ring just as Sleeper counts 9. Hybrid goes for the quick roll up pin but is countered into a rollup himself. After a quick kickout, Hybrid begins to brawl with Danked until he has the upper hand. An unsteady Danked then falls to the mat and lays motionless. Hybrid climbs to the top rope to end this all quickly with the diving elbow/headbutt. After a quick connect, Hybrid slips the ref a 50 and gets the quick 1-2-3.

We go to commercial break.

After the break, Gonzo, The new Raw GM comes out and calls out LZMF1. Lz comes out and says "what the fuck do you want... I was napping on the Damn sofa". Gonzo then procedes to tell him that he has a match tonight. Against CDIH Raw's Big Slow and that he only has "3 minutes" to beat him in. This cues up the pyro and that lame ass music as Tenbatsuzen comes out chasing LZ down to the ring. LZ makes every attempt to attack Tenbats but is too afraid of him as the creepiness is just oozing over tonight. LZ throws in the white towel and Gonzo just laughs and says "what the fuck do you think your doing? This isn't boxing you moron." LZ just heads to the back as the referree (Lunababe) counts him out via the 10 count. Gonzo says, Damn.. and my boys were ready to tear someone apart. Out come Kid A and Fbdlingfrg. Gonzo says "alright boys.. there you go". Fbd wispers something into Gonzo's ear and Gonzo gets a funny look on his face. After an awkward 2 minute silence in which Gonzo seemed to be contemplating something, he declares "Yeah, your right. Lets go" and off they go.

This brings us up to our 10 oclock break (don't ask how).

Edited By Jack on Sep. 03 2002 at 7:54

[Hybrid]

danked is my manager silly code monkey!!! he wouldnt ever do that!! :rofl:

[PollyannaFlower46]

How long did that take you to write?

Just to let all you bitches after my title know, I will not be defeated.... :fuckoff:

[Jack]

About 10 minutes. I like to write stories.

[PollyannaFlower46]

I like to write stories too, but I think that would've taken me longer than 10 minutes. Nice job. :thumbs-up:

[Hybrid]

yea dude, pretty fuckin cool. :thumbs-up:

[fbd]

what did i say?

[Ken'sPen]

that was a lot.....
I skimmed it....didn't see my name once....so figured it wasn't worth reading.

[Sweet Angel]

when Sweet Angel attacks Pollyanna up on the stage.

Yay for me!

[HedCold]

i need a tag team partner

[fbd]

it seems like i already have a partner...and if you hit back, he wins

[GonzoStyle]

Kid A & Fdb are my boys, sup niggas.

Jack did a great job, except in picking music for people.

[Jack]

Heres the next 2 matches. The Main Event will have to come tomorrow.

As we come back from Commercial break, Baker is in Gonzo's office talking about what just happened and Gonzo explained that not even his henchmen wanted to touch Tenbats. Pollyanna then bursts in and demands a match with Sweet Angel. Gonzo declares that the match will take place tonight and that it would be for the womens title. Ladi bursts through the door and begins to yell about being the number 1 contender for the title so Gonzo declares the match a 3 way dance. Baker then pipes up and whines about not having a title shot so Gonzo puts him in the womens title match and makes it a battle royal.

Back to the ring for our next event. Sweet Home Alabama kicks up as Arthur Dent makes his way to the ring. Amy announces the the following match is for the vacant Hardcore title and that the 24/7 rules will apply after the first champion is crowned. Arthur finds himself a mic and polls the crowd to find out if he is over or not with them. Dave Matthews I did it begins to play on the loud system as Keyser Soze makes his way to the ring, guitar and mic in hand as he lip syncs to the music. Gomez signals for the bell and this moderator match is under way. JR exclaims that this is going to be one Hell of a slobberknocker as the king looks toward the ceiling as if expecting a sandwich to magically appear. Keyser swings the guitar at Arthur but Arthur ducks and lays in the punchs on Keyser. Keyser drops the guitar and Arthur picks it up and smashes Keyser over the head with it. Keyser sells the injury like it is death while Arthur goes to the outside to get some more toys. He returns with a trash can, a fire extinguisher and a kendo stick. Suddenly Keyser is back to his feet and backing Arthur into the corner with punches of his own. He retrieves the trash can and begins to pummell Arthur with it. Arthur retaliates by firing the Fire Extinguisher into Keysers eyes temporarily blinding him. Arthur retrieves the kendo stick and slaps Keyser accross the back with it repeatedly until Keysers back is beat red. Keyser falls over and Arthur rolls him up for a 2 count. Arthur gets pissed and goes to attack Gomez when Keyser gets a roll up for a 2 count of his own. Keyser sets up a table outside the ring while Arthur recovers in the ring. Keyser rolls back into the ring and irish whips Arthur to the other side of the ring. As Arthur comes back toward Keyser, Keyser lowers his head and prepares to launch Arthur onto and through the table. Arthur kicks Keyser up side his head and clothes lines him out of the ring. Arthur rolls him onto the table and climbs to the top of the turn buckle and elbow drops Keyser through the table. They both lay in a heap as Gomez counts the 1-2-3 and declars Arthur the winner. As Arthur stumbles to his feet, Ken'sPen runs out with a referree and clobbers Arthur with a trash can lid in an obvious cheap shot. Ken covers Arthur for the 1-2-3. And your new Hardcore Champion is Ken'sPen. Ken continues to beat on Arthur until Arpikarhu runs out with a baseball bat and chases Ken away.

Freak on A Leash hits the loudspeaker as we come back from yet another commercial break. Baker makes his way to the ring wearing a low cut v-neck dress. The King goes euphoric while screaming about the size of Baker's puppies. JR tries to tell him that Baker is a guy but the King will hear nothing of it. After The King exclaims that someday Baker will be his and the crowd loses their dinner, Hey Pretty takes over Freak on A Leash. Ladi makes her way to the ring and jumps onto Baker, forcing him to the ground as she tries to tear his hair out. Rockabye replaces Hey Pretty and Sweet Angel runs to Baker's temporary rescue and begins to pummell Ladi. Baker recupperates and props himself up in the corner to watch the girls in disgust. Soon, The Bitch Is Back hits the loudspeaker and Pollyanna runs down to the ring and kicks Baker in the nuts. She then turns her attention to the other two and stop them for a second. She wispers something into each of their ears and the three of them go after Baker. Baker runs around the ring in circles screaming like a girl and trips over his dress. The three of the girls pick him up and toss him out of the ring. Baker is eliminated. Sweet Angel and Ladi high five eachother and then Ladi clotheslined Sweet Angel. Pollyanna dropkicks Ladi and sprints to the ropes. Pollyanna baseball slides into Ladi who was still laying on the canvas. Sweet Angel clubs Pollyanna over the back of the head with a chair and Polly goes to the Mat. Ladi kicks the chair into Sweet Angel and Sweet Angel stumbles backwards and over the rope. Sweet Angel is eliminated. Ladi grabs ahold of Pollyanna's hair and drags her to her feat. Ladi kicks Polly in her stomach and makes her double over. Ladi then turns around and farts in Polly's face. Polly gags and falls over. Ladi goes for the cover then realizes she has to throw Polly over the rope. Polly stumbles to her feet as Ladi has a temper tantrum. Polly then spears Ladi. Ladi falls to the mat. Polly picks Ladi up off the floor and runs Ladi towards the ropes. Polly tosses Ladi over the ropes and retains the womens championship. Back to JR and . . . Wheres the King? JR says that the King wandered off after Baker was eliminated and that he would update us as soon as he knew where the King wandered off to.

[PollyannaFlower46]

Yay for me!

Watch it bitch, I'll pop your legs off and eat them like drumsticks.

[Jack]

Yeah. You tell em.

[Sweet Angel]

Sweet Angel is eliminated

Wow, that was short lived.

[Danked]

danked is my manager silly code monkey!!! he wouldnt ever do that!!

Not to mention that I would've kicked his ass too.

[Hybrid]

:disappointed:

[Baker]

Man I was jipped I demand a rematch as soon as my balls heal.

[Jack]

It's over man... Wasted too much money on stupid theme music. There isn't even enough money left to fund the main event. Anyone who has a title may keep it or IM me and I will remove it.