So I was really bored at work the other day

[Bloody Anus]

So I went to the bathroom to kill some time, splash some water on my face, stretch out a bit. Then I stared at myself in the mirror for a few seconds and had an epiphany.

"I should masturbate."

I let in sink for about 10 seconds.

"Yeah. I mean, why not?"

So I went into the stall and spanked a quick one out into the toilet bowl.

If anybody has (somehow) never done this before, I highly recommend it. Getting paid to shit is one thing, but getting paid to wack off is an entirely different high all together, especially if you despise your job as much as I do. As I was walking back to my desk giving people the obligatory nod that I acknowledge their existence, I kept thinking, "yeah that's right. I just got paid to masturbate. You think you're better than me?!

It truly puts things into perspective like you wouldn't believe. Sure, you might be the least paid employee where you work, but you just got paid to spray your semen into the company toilet. Nobody can ever take that away from you.

[Keyser Soze]

he's back folks!!!!

[Bloody Anus]

Later on that day I went to take a shit and was disgusted when I had to wipe piss off of the toilet seat.

Sure I shot some spunk on the seat, but at least I had the decency to wipe it off.

Fucking animals.

[HedCold]

the people who don't wipe the seat off are the worst

[Goatweed]

and this is why Bloody Anus rules - suck it, Gonzo!!

[fbd]

i havent done it yet, but i've really thought about jerking off while studying in the library. a good jerk can clear the head up nicely...i just dont want to be somehow figured out, since it'd be just a tad embarrasing

[Mad]

The monkeys in the zoo don't seem to have any problems jacking it in public.

[The Sleeper]

i do this at least once a week and it's always satisfying

[Galt]

OVER THE TOILET!

[fbd]

of course

[Keyser Soze]

i wonder if sleeper feels like he's cheating when he masturbates over a toilet away from home.

[Galt]

Do you sit on the toilet when you are beating off?
Do you stradle it backwards (you will so totally get caught!)
Do you stand up like you are pissing (and then people will think "why is that weirdo pissing in the stall rather than the urinal"), but depending on how hard you finish, you may get goo on the wall.

[The Sleeper]

i only do it when no one else is in the bathroom

[Mad]

That's just one step away from sticking your cock into a glory hole.

[Galt]

you didn't answer my question, Sleeper.

And what if someone walks into the bathroom?

[The Sleeper]

I do it over the toilet of course. the 1 or 2 times someone has gone into the bathroom while i was mid jerk-off, i sat down and waited it out.

[Galt]

standing facing the toilt, rather than sitting facing the toilet?

Everyone knows you are beating off.

[The Sleeper]

first of all no one knows cause no one is there. and who the fuck sits facing the toilet? i've never even thought of that

[Keyser Soze]

thats ubercreepy

[Charles Manson]

disgraceful