Blonde jokes

[PeterDragon]

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub

::rimshot::

[LZMF1]

<div align="center">Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.

Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.

Q: Why does a blonde wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both screwed when they're on their back.

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.


Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.


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more blonde jokes the first one about the 3rds graders is fuckig great



Edited By LZMF1 on 1037979357

[Goatweed]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I'd want you to relax.....Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."