Revenge of the aol cd

Arthur Dent · 04-10-2002, 08:05 AM

From ("Computer Stupidities") <a class="postlink" href="http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/">http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/</a>
For all those free AOL disks you've gotten.......
Free Disks
With America Online and other companies sending
diskettes and CD-ROMs in the mail like they were grocery store sale flyers,
computer illiterates are given more opportunities to be perplexed and
befuddled. And scared.

* Customer: "Oh, my gosh, I just received this disk in the mail; I
never ordered a disk! Am I a member? Am I being charged for this?"

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* Customer: "I just got your software in the mail, and what I wanted
to know was...will I be charged if I just look at the software? I mean, I
don't even have a modem yet."

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* Customer: "Well, I got one of your free disks in the mail, but I
don't have a computer. I just wanted to thank you for sending this to me."
* Tech Support: "...Ah...is that the only reason you're calling, sir?"

* Customer: "Yes, I just thought that was really nice of you people,
sending me this disk. I really appreciate it!"

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* Customer: "I received one of your disks in the mail today, and I
want to know if I'm going to be charged for it."
* Tech Support: "No, ma'am, it was a free mail-out."
* Customer: "We don't even have a computer! You know, it's really not
a good idea to be sending people these things in the mail when they didn't
ask for them. That's pretty rude."

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* Customer: "Yes, I just want to know how to return this disk to you
people."
* Tech Support: "Ma'am, the software is free. You can throw it out,
give it to a friend, whatever you want."
* Customer: "But my nephew received this in the mail, and I don't want
him to be billed for it. Can I get credited for this?"
* Tech Support: "We don't bill you until you actually install the
software and register as a user."
* Customer: "Can you get me credited for this?"
* Tech Support: "Ma'am, we have not billed you for anything."
* Customer: "Well, if you can't credit me then please transfer me to
someone who can!"

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* Customer: "I got one o' these here disks of yours. Is this one a
those new home security systems, that all I have to do is put it here in my
winda, and it'll scare away burgulars?"
* Tech Support: "No, sir, this is for a computer. Do you own a
computer?"
* Customer: "Well, hell, what do I need with a computer? I just got me
one o' them 45-inch big screen TV's. I don't need no computer!"

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* Customer: "You sent me this diskette. Are you gonna send me a
computer so I can run this?"
* Tech Support: "Excuse me?"

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* Customer: "I just got your software in the mail...when are you
sending the computer?"
* Tech Support: "You don't have a computer?"
* Customer: "Nope. But I have the software -- just send me the
computer, and you've got a new member."

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* Customer: "I got a disk in the mail, and I don't have a computer.
What do I do with it?"
* Tech Support: "Well, you could give it to a friend."
* Customer: "And how do I do that?!"
* Tech Support: "Just give it to a friend who might want to try our
service."
* Customer: "Can I speak to a supervisor?"
* Tech Support: "Why??"
* Customer: "Because I wanna speak to a supervisor."
She was transferred, and I listened in a while. The customer said that she
didn't like my answer to her question. For some reason known to her and her
alone, suggesting that you give a disk to a friend is unprofessional.

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I work at a big box computer store, and one of our weekly ads showed that we
had free America Online 5.0 disks at our store. Unfortunately, due to a
shipping error, we only received one box, which went really fast. I had one
middle aged customer come up to me.
* Customer: "Hello, where can I find the free AOL 5.0 disks?"
* Me: "I am sorry sir, due to a shipping error, we have not yet
received them, but they should be in by Wednesday."
* Customer: "So you mean I drove all the way down here from Englewood
(about six blocks away), and you don't have any of the disks? That's false
advertising!"
* Me: "I am sorry sir, but it is due to circumstances beyond our
control. If you need one that badly, I can tell you where to get one down
the street."
* Customer: "I ain't drivin' no more today."
* Me: "Ok, then. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
* Customer: "Can I get a raincheck?"
* Me: "Sir, I don't think I can give you a raincheck on a FREE item."
* Customer: "Well I ain't shopping here no more."
He walked in front of the entrance doors, which are clearly labeled
"ENTRANCE ONLY," stood there for almost a minute waiting for the door to
open, finally realized he was at the wrong doors, and huffed towards the
real exit.

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One night working at technical support, this old lady called and told me
that she received our disk and said that she's afraid of it.
* Tech Support: "Well ma'am, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's
for your computer."
* Customer: "Well, I don't have a computer. The directions say
'install and run'. I'm too old to run."
* Tech Support: "Ma'am, could you please hold?"
I need a brief pause to scream with laughter.
* Tech Support: "Ma'am, I can assure you that you are ok."
* Customer: "Ok. Should I call the police?"
* Tech Support: "No, ma'am, just throw it away."
* Customer: "Well, there is a silver thing that slides across, and it
clicks. What is that?"
* Tech Support: "It is safe to throw it away. It's for a computer,
ok?"
* Customer: "But is this a bomb?"
* Tech Support: "No, ma'am, just throw it away."
* Customer: "Now?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, if you like."
* Customer: "Son, you saved my life! Thank you, and have a nice day."

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A call came from a little girl:
* Timid Voice: "I just got your diskette today."
* Tech Support: "How can I help you, honey?"
* Timid Voice: "It won't fit my computer."
* Tech Support: "What kind of computer do you have?"
* Timid Voice: "A Talking Whiz Kid."

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crx girl · 04-10-2002, 10:27 AM

Quote:Customer: "I just got your software in the mail...when are you
sending the computer?"
* Tech Support: "You don't have a computer?"
* Customer: "Nope. But I have the software -- just send me the
computer, and you've got a new member."

this one's my favourite, does it work?

Keyser Soze · 04-10-2002, 01:59 PM

<div align="center">30 Uses For Free AOL CDs

1. Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.

2. Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).

3. Give them as stocking stuffers to all those people who piss you off.

4. Drink coasters.

5. Bench press weights (I can press 120).

6. Mini frisbee.

7. Pooper scooper.

8. Use them for karate board-breaking demonstrations (save a tree).

9. Destroy them - smash, burn, or run over to relieve stress.

10. Clay pigeons for target practice.

11. Greeting card (bind two together at one end).

12. Halloween treat (give them away all night long).

13. Bullet proof vest (arrange together in triple thickness).

14. Firewood.

15. Put them on car windshields at the mall (along with a printout of this list).

16. Hand them out as party favors.

17. Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).

18. Ice scraper.

19. Add water and special plant life to make a Chia-Disk.

20. Noise maker for your bike spokes (why damage your valuable baseball cards).

21. Put one on a leash and drag it along as you walk...makes the perfect pet.

22. Baseball practice (throw them up in the air and hit them with the bat).

23. Glue fifty on top of each other and stick a pencil in the middle hole. A FREE pencil holder!

24. Mail to 10 friends-start an AOL chain-letter (add a disk with each link).

25. Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole).

26. Shipping material (keeps your photos from being bent in the mail).

27. Protect your table from burns caused by hot pots and pans.

28. Snack trays (great for holding hors d'oeuvres at parties).

29. Tape a few together and use them as a mouse pad.

30. Use them as elbow and knee pads.</div>

Arthur Dent · 04-10-2002, 02:16 PM

Not to be picky, but that list looks like it was written for the old floppy discs.

Quote:25. Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole).

Last I checked, CD's don't have write protect holes.

And

Quote:2. Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).

Wouldn't a CD look more like one of those old doctor reflectors? Better ask Brokenjaw.

I miss the AOL floppy disks. They were so easy to reformat and use for copying useless stuff like homework.

Keyser Soze · 04-10-2002, 02:18 PM

Ok, this is for CDs....

<a class="postlink" href="http://freebies.about.com/library/weekly/aa111501a.htm">http://freebies.about.com/library/weekly/aa111501a.htm</a>

Arthur Dent · 04-10-2002, 02:48 PM

Quote:The guys running No More AOL CDs.com are collecting AOL CDs in a project to demonstrate to AOL that people do not want them and that they are creating a lot of environmental waste. Once the get one million CDs they plan to deliver them to AOL's doorstep.

Now that I'd like to see. Wonder how big a truck you need to deliver that many.

Me -->:poke: <--This joke

Ahlexus · 04-15-2002, 08:33 PM

lmfao at Key's uses for the AOL cd!!

Edited By Ahlexus on April 15 2002 at 4:33