Porn Reviews by DiggityDog (Pro for hire, in demand)

[diceisgod]

Man, is this guy good!

or

Man, is this guy good?

Your call - My free unlimited potentially lifetime VOD - So no matter but feedback good and bad is good not bad for the true good or bad pro.

Deep Throat

If you are a porn fan this is a must-see if only once if you can make it past all the goofy nonsense and "plot". It is nonetheless a classic & the first I had the pleasure of self pleasure when I was young as my parents weren't too smart or careful when it came to keeping their copy hidden in their bedroom when they were at work. As I revisit from time to time as well as explore the relatively limited works of the young Linda Lovelace, I think it's a real shame that no director really gave thought to exploiting Linda's stunning beauty & body (other than exploting her outright as she claimed) and never filmed what I feel to be a real nice screwing scene - just a good ole lay-the-pipe-to-her-doggystyle-and-let-us-see-her-on-all-fours-and-writhing-around-til-climax-with-no-long-assed-close-ups-and-other-distracting-crap scene. In Deep Throat, it is of course mostly about the BJ & psychedelic music & herky-jerky cut-aways & rockets & tingles etc. I feel piss-poor film editing and just as bad or worse thought-out actor-actress positioning (or whatever sex pairing) has since propogated & lingered throughout all of porn in general - bunch of lazy, unaccountable fuckers mostly. That aside, this is again a must-see as it opened the flood gates to the current supersaturated state of porn that we enjoy today.Thank you, Linda & all the funding scumbags of Deep Throat - that is, if they didn't hurt you & you weren't lying or nuts but either way RIP. You were the best cocksucker ever & I'd wager you were an excellent fucker if the scumbags had used their brains further than there being a clit in your throat. -DiggityDog

Linda does indeed get plowed pretty good in the first quarter of the movie. I say just let it run and once you see her scary & hairy looking friend getting eaten out and then later checking off guys' names on a clipboard you are near the gravy (start on scene two if you must). Camera work is shit and destroys what would have been an awesome scene but it's still worthwhile. And further, I think it demonstrated the f-skill potential of lovely Linda and the basis of my bitching above.

[diceisgod]

Kay-Parker: A Big Tit Superstars Of The 80's Collection Vol. 2

Like many I love Kay Parker and this compilation is a nice mix of some of her best moments. What I liked about this Parker compilation verses the many out there was the fact that there is more lesbian action featured rather than the usual boy-girl scenario. Few stars lap nor screw with as much enthusiasm as Parker which is why she was and is so popular - not even to mention her incredible tits, thick thighs, big rounded ass, lusty snarl-toothed grimace, and sultry f-me voice. She was the crown jewel back in the day and other than Seka, let's face it, some of the earlier porn stars were just flat-out SCARY looking at first glance. This isn't to say some directors didn't do their best to put Kay in the most unflattering positions they could. Specifically, someone with big natural tits like Kay's doesn't particularly look her best when she is lying flat on her friggin back - in my view it looks like two giant water balloons sloshing around on her chest, a little gross. However & fortunately for directors and moreover & unfortunately for discerning gentlemen and bull dykes, the demand & subsequent profits are such in porn that industry producers & the like don't have to think too hard and all is roses either way. So it was back in the 70's & 80's, so it remains. Wake up, consumers. But anyway, Kay is the fucking shit. Love her so much. Aging & time suck really bad. -DiggityDog

I was fond of the last scene which started lez then shifted to FFM. The lighting is especially good as it looks like it was filmed during the days where Kay's reputation, skills, & draw power were recognized and therefore commanded budget.

[diceisgod]

American Cream Pie Vol. 2

I WANT COCK! No, not me. That kinda talk would get me suckered, stomped, and snuffed right the hell out around here. What those three brilliant words are-are the "motif" or running "gag" of this well-deserved AVN award winner. I'm not really into the degradation & subjugation type porn but this selection really stirred the juices for whatever personal pathological reason. The premise is simultaneously simple, ridiculous, and genius.

Some lucky deranged guy has a pair of savage, supermodel-quality sluts tied up in the basement. They sit in their chairs with hands tied behind their backs and pine & fidget until they are so horned-up they break their bonds, grope themselves a little, crawl to their master like dogs, sniff him out, identify, and then beg, "I WANT COCK!" It's just awesome. The guy teases and gags them with his fingers/hand. Then they are permitted to crawl into his bedroom (or whichever setting a particular scene is in) and nearly suck his brains out then engage in a little face & raw dog f-ing. Another great effect is the use of a glass shield in front of the camera to catch the spit and spew from the girls (hot girls spitting like slobs at the camera is just so great to me). Moreover, they taunt and tease the other begging for the full attention of their cockmaster e.g. calling the other's pussy stinky or something similarly & wonderfully degrading.

If you have a favorite among the girls featured then it will probably be all the more enjoyable. I felt some maybe weren't as convincing as others regarding their sincerity and enthusiasm at being cockslaves. I even found some of the mechanical repetitions of "I WANT COCK" by one or a few to be quite amusing but what & who you like is just that and screw me. -DiggityDog

I thought the Fayth-Jamie scene was the best and followed by Austin-Courtney as a close second. Fayth (AKA Breeanna Noel here) in particular won herself a new fan as I'm always on the lookout for her other stuff now.

[diceisgod]

Lesbian Tribadism

TRIBBING! Or tribadism or whatever it's known as, in my mind it's the greatest thing two chicks can do. The effort it takes, the frustrated determination, there is NO WAY you can F that up, right? Well, before I list some gripes with this film in particular I need to take my hat off to Sappho Love Films because this is the only film I have seen (there is actually another I haven't had a chance to see yet in the VOD catalog here called: Tribadism Lovers - Sappho Love Films as well) with mention of the term and seemingly sole dedication - since it's in the title. If you go to any free porn vid sample gallery that is out there, you will be hard-pressed to find tribb (or trib?) scenes, and moreover I'd wager ZERO categorical listings that include the term - sure, you have "smoking", "fisting" or even f'n "pissing"! However, no tribbing! This is an unrecognized, an unknown that is completely awesome and right under our friggin' noses. WE NEED MORE OF THESE - Just an hour of two or more chicks doing just that with looks of frustrated lust as they try to do the equivalent of putting a round hole into a round hole. Futility at it's finest and hottest...however, that depends on who you got doing it and who you got shooting it.

My gripe here, putting it's ground breaking qualities aside, is that these girls are what I categorize as "pose" stars (not truly enthused & horned up "porn" stars) that is they are very attractive but they strike deliberate poses and ham it up verses expressing what I perceive to be true passion for their work. Further, they say next to nothing and overall that just bores the hell out of me. I have a baseline question when I watch a film: Does this girl want to F & pop, or does she just want to be a famous star? Or even maybe: Does she do this because she is poor, ignorant, and exploited and the guy pointing the camera is also pointing a revolver? Either way, it's ENTHUSIASM or lose my ass-iasm...and my dollars, marks, franks, etc. Uninspired as though I perceived it, some like the posing and so I believe they will like this - plus as mentioned the girls are as near bodily perfection as it gets.

As far as "shooting" ie. the person with the camera (only and hopefully), I think close-ups are just terrible always or if longer than 2 seconds (although I understand some may like the up-close stuff). For me, I need to see the whole picture and the contortions and the writhing and so forth. There are more close up shots in this film on the holes, ie. the slapping and rubbing back and forth or "tribbing" thereof, than on the wholes of the girls. If you think about it, there may be some species of animal out there that one might be able to pass off as being homosapien if you focus in close enough to a certain area of the body. Therefore, if you train them to tribb & focus in you can save money otherwise spent on talent. Are you an industry director and live near a zoo? Well, there's my advice and it's free and if for just a half a second you thought this was a good idea you suck, scumbag. But in the camera people's and directors' defenses, poor camera work is pandemic in the industry at least as far as my personal tastes go. I say this film is above average if for only their unintentional pioneering attempts to bring tribadism to the mainstream or even known for that matter. -DiggityDog

If you are just interested in tribbing scenes as I was, move the media player's progress bar about 1/4 and 3/4, respectively, into the film and you should hit one or get close. Another small gripe I have is that there could have been much more actual tribbing then there was. Now tribadism's definition might have a broader one than what I think, ie two girls rubbing their you-know-whats together, but whatever because I pay and what I say matters.

[diceisgod]

Larry Flynt's Private Collection Volume 4: Hillary Scott

Hillary Scott is an ANIMAL. She loves her job and it shows. This collection provides a nice mix of her at her best. However, she does like to indulge in the "exotic" from time to time, but it is afterall her ass and her baseball bat and her personal private business how the two might become one (no bats in this film fortunately). She's got something to suite everyone's tastes if not for the particularly hardcore "exotic" lovers - as far as this film goes anyway. She does interracial, lesbian, boy-boy-boy-girl scenes. Moreover, she is one of the best trailer trash style f-talkers in the biz - though she can sound a bit forced & hoakie on occasion. However, the effort she puts in and the apparent genuine pleasure she gets is apparent, clear, & appreciated. She's just a little bundle of joy that can take a big bundle of hockey sticks & make them disappear all with a smile on her face. She can even make you overlook her kinda strange (or maybe even bungled?) boob job and nipples the diameter & circumference of near-softball proportions - my personal standard or "Nipple Rule" used to be anything bigger than a silver dollar and darker than a cockroach = disgusting. Hillary and other exceptions now force me to take things on a case by case basis. Hillary made me a better, more fair, & accepting human being, and I love her for it and will always be grateful. -DiggityDog

[diceisgod]

Can We Fuck?

This is Margo AKA Aubrie, Nikki, Diane, plus a dozen other names. She is hot but since retired, out of the business, and (rumor has it) married to some lucky bastard. Despite her identity issues and drop dead gorgeous looks, she is a pretty tame soloist and everything else-ist for that matter from what I have seen of her. I nonetheless adore her, tolerate mediocrity & even less, and thoroughly enjoy her solo films like this one anyway. As is typical with her (and many East Euro babes) there is ZERO dialog and a kind of a "going through the motions now pay me" vibe. However, I may be reading too much into it. Either way, I was very happy to find this video as it is not in her listed credits in either the Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD) or the Eurobabesindex directory, and I still sneak a peak now and again. Further, I hope she divorces Jimbob or whoever if true and takes a dive back into the business with an identifiable and single name that isn't Margo as I think it's weird and unbefitting such an amazingly hot chick. I might suggest Ivana Fukalot if it weren't already taken (Ivana is another eastie worth researching...so awesome). So to summarize this movie: She poses, she rubs, she postures, she fingers, she dildos, she pretends to cum. The end. -DiggityDog

[diceisgod]

Seka's Fantasies

I find much of Seka's films very dull. I find the overdubbing and poor editing distracting and a lot of the time it just seems to me that Seka is just going through the motions - like she thinks that if we just get to look at her that's enough then it's just hump this, suck on that, and then finally she sits back & gets her royalties. So why bother here? Well, some like Seka for one and completely disagree with me. But for me, Chris Cassidy is the correct answer. I LOVE Chris Cassidy. She is a blond not so busty Kay Parker as far as my estimation goes and fortunately (unlike other great obscure classic actresses like Tina Louise/Tracy Walton) she has TONS of movie credits though she is often the "side piece" ie the chick they cut to for a scene or two to give the main star a breather and a swab-it-out.

In this particular Seka collection, there is one scene with Seka & Cassidy that I love. It essentially starts as a taboo RAPE scene (Seka on Cassidy) and then lust takes over, it turns consensual, and into some pretty cool lesbo action (though I could do without the dumb dude on the bed pulling his pecker and talking shit). On the hole and the whole Cassidy is great and does all (man or woman) with passion. She is another one of the elite few who look like they love their job in so far as how hard they might be able to cum & make cum verses how big of a bigshot they might become. So this is evident in this particlaur scene with Seka and the fact that it is with Seka (the bigshot herself) is something special in and of itself. Hell, there is even another scene featuring both with a couple of guys that I could also do without seeing. -DiggityDog

Scene 6 as marked in the index will land you on or near the scene I described but there is plenty here throughout to enjoy for the unquestioning & devoted Seka zombie.

[diceisgod]

My Virtual Christi

As sure as my balls are empty, this is the best solo/POV smut I have ever seen ever and I have a new Top 5-10 porn star ever. While this exposes me as being woefully ignorant of what's what, even the very very slow and inexperienced can appreciate this flick and Christi Lake. Outside of this brilliant listing, I recommend you get familiar with the complete works of Christy Lake, a touch old school & already relatively famous as mentioned, in part, for her "fuck-a-fan" series & her then concurrent exposure on Howard Stern - in the days when he was funny & entertaining.

She is an unpolished gem that rivals any of the silicon stars though at first glance and in the hallows of ignorance perhaps not seemingly in the same league. Nonetheless and as a matter of balls-on-dead-accurate-my-cousin-vinny-style accuracy, I think there are few if any that trump her at least in regard to the psychological inducement elements associated with bag whacking if not in the inherent loin stirrings of traditional visual perfection - the latter like w/ a Briana Banks or Lannie Barbie, for examples. For a similar case per the similarly cerebral see April Blossom, like-April Lake has a like-air of accessibility to the common slob - 3 beers later you then have enough beernuts to try to pick her up at the local shithouse swillery - that trashy feeling like associated with Flo from the old sitcom "Alice", for example, for those fellow children of 80's TV. But this slutty waitress takes off her clothes, revealing her near natural perfection, and looks at the camera and says lustily & with a slight wonting growl cracking her voice: "I love getting fucked in my hot, tight, precious pussy. I know you want my hot, tight, wet, hot, wet, precious pussy". Repetition, though on the surface a sign of idiocy and/or condescension in the world outside of where one has their prick in their hand and is jerking it wildly, is one of those indicators & x-factors of quality solo/POV. Further it is one of those indicators that you are seeing someone special on the job, one that has that "separating the boys from the cum loving sluts" type quality.

She can make you pop and not touch you nor herself, nor you yourself nor her (you follow?). Just look into her eyes and listen to the rap - the kind of rap that corrupts souls, the kind that takes a troubled & confused teenager and turns him into a self-loathing, career criminal, hyperviolent, drug addict with no future and a scary & useless (up until a few days ago anyways... Hi boss!- all jokes, I swear) insight & eloquence regarding the world of porn. -DiggityDog

An interesting side note: You will notice throughout an almost thunderous sound as if the house is under mortar fire. The interesting part is it almost seems to happen everytime Lake is in a near-nut state. I like to think that God Almighty himself is throwing lightning bolts in approval as He also enjoys this performance - Either that or they filmed near the airport but either way the effect is uncannily (& most likely unintentionally) brilliant. Enjoy.

[diceisgod]

Star Virgin

Back in the day when plots were taken seriously in porn they made movies like Star Virgin. She's from outer space. She's a virgin. Well not for long probably and I don't care. No not me, as I have a boner for Tina Louis/Traci Walton and she is the only reason I check this film out every other day practically. Moreover, this is probably the best look I will ever get of Tina outside of her role as the naughty babysitter with Seka in one of her many compilations (Seka's, that is - see Seka's Secrets, for example). In this scene she fucks some 50's Outsider/Fonzy looking clown who is goaded on by a peeping-tom Satan dude up in a tree wearing Coke-bottle-thick glasses - remember plots were important then. After sitting through a few minutes of bullshit, you can get a good look at Tina in action on and in her man's '57 Chevy or whatever type car that is. Tina is a little spitfire. She's petite & slim but has thick lips and a f-me look in her eyes that maybe only an obsessed freak like me can appreciate. It's just tragic to me that she has so few credits out there, so I treasure this particular listing. As for the rest of the film, you tell me how it was and if you lie and say you see Tina in another scene I'll actually listen & pretend to care so finally you can own my ass when you finally drop the bomb on me. -DiggityDog

[diceisgod]

Seka's Secrets

Pre-platinum blond Seka is so awesome and this compilation (comp) other than the side sessions in the beginning scene - the first being the two little indian girls handcuffing the guy's cock (and a couple other sessions mixed into this "dirty-story-telling/spying" fantasy scene) - is platinum pre-platinum Seka at her best. But what I really am intertested in here in Seka's Secrets (there are quite a few Seka comps) is the "babysitter" scene with Tina Verville (AKA Tina Louise, Traci Walton, and other forms of Tracy or Tracey like that). I first saw Tina (and became obsessed) in another comp called The Seduction of Seka (called SOS henceforth) which in fact features the same babysitter scene...but different. How so? Well in THIS version the presentation, f-sequences, and dialog is notably different and I think these differences makes the scene all the better verses the SOS version (which I still thought/think great).

First, there is a double blowjob scene not in SOS that fucking OWNS. Second, you can actually hear in larger part verses SOS what they say to each other: the moaning, the slurping, the cock-cunt/mouth-cock/mouth-cunt/mouth-mouth squishing, ie the many intangibles that make porno work for me personally. In this the Seka's Secrets version of the "babysitter" scene, you can actually hear the natural dialog and midfuck banter in far greater measure verses SOS, and it's just wonderful. There are no assholes' voices (that are probably not even the actual actresses/actors) plastered over the audio saying crap like "OH give it too me!" when all the while the person that's fucking or fucked and whom this statement was to be attributed clearly has mouth shut or full of some dude's dirty schlong. Unfortunately, overdubbing is pandemic in early porn (movies in general) and it was a terrible, terrible call. I'm sure there is many a retired porn film slicer out there still kicking himself over this goof realizing that they will spend their afterlife in the lowest circle of Hell for ruining some great films & great moments by drowning the real audio out with pure shit & drivel. But having noted this minor annoyance which is not entirely absent in this version of the scene nor the others in Seka's Secrets, this is good stuff. I just wish Tina was in more films than what I've found because in the few I've seen the brilliant directors, camera operators, and editors really dropped the ball but that's another review. No matter though, Tina or Tracy will always be my favorite dirty whore babysitter of all-time sexy tanlines, hairy beaver and all. -DiggityDog

I think the "babysitter" scene is worth it if only for that - well actually for me, it is indeed ONLY for that. Seka, though stunning in her pre-platimum days, in my view was really more eye candy (and a schrewd, brilliant business woman) rather than a really truly passionate porn star. I dare say she was overrated especially after she fucked her hair up but that's also when her career blew up & she became a $uper$tar, so what the hell do I know and who cares?

[diceisgod]

Plus a gift, a sneak peak of my girl Sandy's new feature. So hot.


Downward Spiral Trailer & 21 Sextury
Just some comments on the "Downward Spiral" trailer even though I am very uninformed regarding 21 Sextury's content and most all else really, but I can fool some or a few regarding pretty much whatever my sinister subliminal motives command and as the moment & circumstances demand. So I want to give feedback, as I do know enough without having to learn any fancy handshake or secret password and just from watching this 2 minute or so trailer about 3 to 100 times or so that these cats are serious, well-financed, slick, taste- & class- conscious, & overall some bad assed Bruce Willis "Die Hard" style perpetrators with potential, pull, & power.

At first, I was kind of worried that I would see some colon or a few much closer and/or wider (or fuller or maybe even emptying-er) than I cared to see (and maybe one still might come full-feature time), but it's at least nice and reassuring to know (or at least guess and preliminarily take for granted) that at minimum such things are not the main marketing anchor as to be teaser-worthy nor the baseline premise warranting such a major cash outlay & budget. This is unless these particular particulars & "exotic" aspects of Euro-born content though unspoken & unrevealed are understood, a given, & another implied "under-the-hood" aspect of the market per the underlying demand. If so, shame on all of you.

Anyways just general observations: Sandy is just stunning, girls spitting is great, fucking in alleys is great, und die Musik ist sehr modern. ABER dudes hamming it up and yelling (or even being seen or making any sound, even a sneeze) per my personal standards is probably all that I can bitch about regarding this trailer. Though I realize it's just pointless to carry on about dudes & schlongs & hotshot-wanna-be's & etc. in straight porn, I doodoo so because I wish to plant the seed for a future shift and change in the pornographic industry's business culture and sense of "proper" moral & social aesthetic & perceptive radar; and moreover & similarly do those same things per those same things belonging to the general populace/market groups/consumers/indiscriminating-sheep/perverse/etc.

Incidentally, my personal favorite blip in this trailer, other than the musical score's general synchronization throughout of beat & ass-shaking, swallowing, pumping, etc., is in the beginning when the toast popped out of the toaster. It's silly on the surface but has a much deeper significance as far as I can make up and pull out of my ass. Superficially, I thought it was funny & a nice touch. Electromagnetically and more importantly, it was a subtle indicator & reassurance that there are people still out there making quality smut with a creatively & scientifically grounded & sound head on their shoulders. Further, this demonstrates they are not lead by just another preppy jerk-off 20-something who inherited all his dad's money, default industry entry, & overall job security, nor did he ZERO of daddy's savvy, sense, & innovation. But this hypothetical, seemingly unoriginal hotshot does indeed - to give proper credit to his own independent trail-blazing, "WILD MAN!!", slick-ass nature - have his very own coke dependency issues, egomania, and a string of so-called "reality" porn sites filled with garbage & similar peers & assholes like him that hold the camera and/or the cock and generally befoul the entire industry & all of the most attractive women in it in this supersaturated sea comprised of 1-part 'class' and 99-parts 'diarrhea'. For what it's worth 21 Sextury is among my good "half" which is not as roomy & flexible as the traditional metaphor and probably just as important to anyone representing them as the film's star toaster.

[Galt]

Man, is this guy good!

or

Man, is this guy good?

Your call - My free unlimited potentially lifetime VOD - So no matter but feedback good and bad is good not bad for the true good or bad pro.

Deep Throat

If you are a porn fan this is a must-see if only once if you can make it past all the goofy nonsense and "plot". It is nonetheless a classic & the first I had the pleasure of self pleasure when I was young as my parents weren't too smart or careful when it came to keeping their copy hidden in their bedroom when they were at work. As I revisit from time to time as well as explore the relatively limited works of the young Linda Lovelace, I think it's a real shame that no director really gave thought to exploiting Linda's stunning beauty & body (other than exploting her outright as she claimed) and never filmed what I feel to be a real nice screwing scene - just a good ole lay-the-pipe-to-her-doggystyle-and-let-us-see-her-on-all-fours-and-writhing-around-til-climax-with-no-long-assed-close-ups-and-other-distracting-crap scene. In Deep Throat, it is of course mostly about the BJ & psychedelic music & herky-jerky cut-aways & rockets & tingles etc. I feel piss-poor film editing and just as bad or worse thought-out actor-actress positioning (or whatever sex pairing) has since propogated & lingered throughout all of porn in general - bunch of lazy, unaccountable fuckers mostly. That aside, this is again a must-see as it opened the flood gates to the current supersaturated state of porn that we enjoy today.Thank you, Linda & all the funding scumbags of Deep Throat - that is, if they didn't hurt you & you weren't lying or nuts but either way RIP. You were the best cocksucker ever & I'd wager you were an excellent fucker if the scumbags had used their brains further than there being a clit in your throat. -DiggityDog

Linda does indeed get plowed pretty good in the first quarter of the movie. I say just let it run and once you see her scary & hairy looking friend getting eaten out and then later checking off guys' names on a clipboard you are near the gravy (start on scene two if you must). Camera work is shit and destroys what would have been an awesome scene but it's still worthwhile. And further, I think it demonstrated the f-skill potential of lovely Linda and the basis of my bitching above.

I like how my comment on your over-use of commas made you remove them altogether.

[diceisgod]

Like the sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. I think I'm SOL per VOD & unemployed already. All my reviews are systematically being deleted it appears or there is something technical going on and they will maybe reappear? Plus I haven't heard a peep back from Slam since subbing all of them and my 2-3 follow-ups with him since. Maybe a back-door move by my would be creative wrangler & Fuhrer Mr. Cockface? A rift maybe? Power struggle for creative control? Or have I lost my sole supporter? I tell ya, it's hard to soar like an eagle when you fly with turkeys. But maybe it's just a mix-up tech thing (oh please god, let it be so). Either way, we shall see so stay tuned.

[diceisgod]

I might cry.

[HedCold]

no matter the outcome, i want some damn credit for this

[diceisgod]

I slyly told you that you would get it subliminally as reviews are "published" but your failure to comprehend that (& by extrapolation any future crafted reviews referencing you in particular i.e. that you and the other 3 active people here might understand) really put me off. Nonetheless, I have already chose a pen name with roots here as that should be ample "credit" since you have a red name and perhaps fit a bit of the bill here. However, I will generously try again next time with the cerebral ref plan that is unless of course your mental sloth prevents registry once again.

[diceisgod]

There you go. You dig? Not sure more I can do for you.

Handjob 17

Here is the quick & dirty: TORY...F'N...LANE + everyone else thereafter + exponential decay in quality + a brillance blip or a few of Lane-like awesomess (far and few between according to me). Tori Lane is just....just.... unreal....incredible....I can't even keep a clear train of thought....man, is she awesome in this....just...WOW. You must see this scene as Tory is wonderful and she provides the template, the standards of how this is to be done which is: MOST Excellently. Please don't think this is some cookie cutter-like template standard thing. No, this is the Mona Lisa, the statue of David, one to be on display at the museum and studied by the obsessed, the anal retentive, the loser, the porn...movie....reviewer... FUCK! Bull aside, Tory puts on a clinic on proper professional, Big-League-Style jerking POV adult cinema. For whatever reason, I have checked out a lot of these type films (ie either solos featuring masturbation, some POV scenario, etc.) from the well-budgeted "alpha" productions (as is this one) through to the mom & pop amateurs filmed (bedbugs, headlice, & all) at the local Filth Pot Inn. Interestingly, most seem to follow the same pattern in terms of overall quality: One person shines like a fucking cauldron on fire, others unprepared and near melt, turn dark purple, & congeal to the bed as they make up some absurd story, scenario, or rap that doesn't include the phrase "my pussy" - which is indicative of inexperience, a dolt of a director & a waste of your time. Unless one likes that uncomfortable-silence feeling, the nervous fidget & the chick that rambles a bunch of bullshit but all she wants to do is fuck however inept she may be at type scenario, you just have to hope the flick has a buried jewel like "Handjob 17" featuring Dr. Tory Lane. However, if you do go for that sort of boorish, exposed-brick & houseplant type production, this film and many many others like it will keep you busy and sore even if you can't appreciate the finer arts like that of Tory Lane who is a new personal favorite. -DiggityDog

Tory asks at one point, "How bad do you want to fuck Tory?" My answer: "After, can I use gasoline to set myself on fire or do I have to do it the hard way?" You dig? So the next time in bed & staring at the wife's big jolly joobies and you get the (lazy boring bastard) "head cold & even no head" excuse when you make your move, take five minutes and watch Tory throw gasoline on the coals of the upcoming divorce proceedings. Lastly and totally awesomely, if she doesn't put it in her mouth, lick, or insert it's not cheating. Tory told me that so that one time with you & the babysitter won't lose you half your personal assets & ALL of your future earnings as much so as your stupidity in getting married in the first place.

[HedCold]

i won't be satisfied unless the term joobies makes it in to at least 51% of all future reviews

[diceisgod]

Now you're entering the realm of sexual servitude.

[diceisgod]

Like the sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. I think I'm SOL per VOD & unemployed already. All my reviews are systematically being deleted it appears or there is something technical going on and they will maybe reappear? Plus I haven't heard a peep back from Slam since subbing all of them and my 2-3 follow-ups with him since. Maybe a back-door move by my would be creative wrangler & Fuhrer Mr. Cockface? A rift maybe? Power struggle for creative control? Or have I lost my sole supporter? I tell ya, it's hard to soar like an eagle when you fly with turkeys. But maybe it's just a mix-up tech thing (oh please god, let it be so). Either way, we shall see so stay tuned.

As a follow up, this is indeed some kind of tech issue and in-process to resolution. Glad to see Slam's vision was not limited to or filtered by his colon track.