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Displaying 26-37 of 37 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: JOKES - joke thread give us your best. | ||||
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| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 8:03 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01  | How do you stop a little black kid from jumping up and down on a bed? Put velcro on the celing! How do you get him down? Invite a bunch of mexicans over and say its a pinta party! How do you babysit a black kid? Wet his lips and stick'em to a wall! How do stop a black guy from drowning? Take your foot of his head!  | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 8:18 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: Why so glum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell! Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway. Guy: Gee, that sounds great! Satan: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it! Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember? Guy: Wow... that's awesome! Satan: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do. Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow. Satan: What about Drugs?!? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares. Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place! Satan: You gay? Guy: No... Satan: Ooooh. You're gonna hate Fridays.  REVOLUTION NOW | ||||
| Brokenjaw Always will bow down to the power of the Faceman!!!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 8:24 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Why cant litle black children play in a sandbox? Cats keep trying to bury them!   | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 8:28 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Why dont sharks eat niggas? They mistake them for whale shit | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 8:28 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya' tell me the dog was Catholic?" REVOLUTION NOW | ||||
| growbaby | posted on 03-05-2001 @ 3:24 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | here we go people. Why did the cactus cross the road? Cause the chicken was stuck to it. How do you know its Ronald McDonald on a nude beach? He's the one with the sesame buns. A husband is in the hospital so he gives his wife money so she can go pay the taxes. So she goes down to city hall and sees someone and asks, "Where do I pay the intercourse tax?" the guy looks at her funny and says "the what?", so she says "the intercourse tax". So he says back to her, "lady you must be mistaken, there is no intercourse tax" so she says, "well there must be, my husband gave me this money and told me to go down to city hall and pay the fucking taxes†What is the difference between a white fairy tale and a black fairy tale??? White fairy tale starts off "once upon a time" - Black fairy tale starts off "yo nigga, you ain't gonna believe this motherfuckin shit!!" Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: Why did the redneck cross the road? A: Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. Q: What's the best thing about fucking an 11 year old girl? A: When you pull her hair back she almost looks 9. Q: What do you call 5 lepers in a hot tub? A: Stew. Q: What has a million legs but can't walk? A: Jerry's kids. A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. As he approaches the bar, the bartender exclaims; "Fuck me! Where did you get that from!?" To this the parrot replies "Africa. There's fucking thousands of them there." Q: Why did God create yeast infections? A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. Q: What does a redneck say after sex? A: Thanks Mom. Q: What do you call a bunch of black people in a barn? A: Antique farm equipment. Q: What's the worst part about fucking a 5 year old? A: Getting the blood off of your clown costume.... Q: What's black and blue and hates sex? A: A rape victim. Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick. Q: Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana from the clutches of death? A: Because he's in a wheelchair. Q: What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl? A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone. Q: How does Michael Jackson know when it's time for bed? A: When the big hand is on the little hand. Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass" The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" Says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?" Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant". The doctor says, "An elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous". Patient replies, "He fingered me first". Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy Q: What's the worst thing about eating bald pussy? A: The diaper. Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? A: Crib death. Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics? A: Not being retarded. Kissing passionately, a man starts coming on strongly to his new date. "Excuse me, but isn't it a presumptuous to assume you can screw me on our first date? "Well, yeah" the man replies, "But isn't PRESUMPTUOUS a big word for a first-grader to be using?" Q: What do you get when you stab an eight year old girl fifteen times? A: A hard on. Q: What's blue and fucks old people? A: Hypothermia Q: Why is there always hot water at childbirth A: In case of a stillbirth, soup. Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter? A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her. Q: What is a redneck virgin? A: A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers. Q: Why can't Ray Charles read? A: because he's black. Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?? Because Italians don't like ANY witnesses A married man discovers that he won $20 million in the NY State Lotto. He runs into the house screaming "Honey! I won Lotto! Pack your bags!!" Wife says "Aww sweetie that’s great..Where are we going? What should I pack?" Husband says- "I don't give a fuck where you go as long as you are out of the house by noon." What do you get when you cross a rooster, an elephant and a cat? A cock that never forgets a pussy? A guy walks into a bar with a frog and a parrot. He tells the bartender that the parrot dances. The bartender says prove it, so the parrot starts dancing like john travolta in Saturday night fever. He then tells the bartender that the frog sings like Pavarotti. So again, the bartender says prove it and out comes the sounds of an aria (opera- for the tools who don't know what it is). The bartender offers the guy $5000 for the frog and the guy accepts. The guy sitting next to him tells him he's crazy. That frog was worth more then $5000. He tells the guy, "Nah, I'll just buy another frog". The stranger asks "Where ya gonna get another frog that sings?" The guy looks at him and says, "The frog doesn't sing, the fucking parrot is a ventriloquist". What's the difference between Homos and Hobos? Hobos have no friends; Homos have friends coming out their ass. Three old ladies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old ladies said, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said there ain't no way you can guess it. One of the old ladies said: "Sure we can. Drop your pants!" He did. The old ladies stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing. How did you guess that?" The old ladies laughed, "You told us yesterday" A young girl sneaks into the bathroom, and sees her father in the shower. Naturally, she's curious, and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. Impressed, the girl then repeats this information to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?" An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too. Take Luck!! Why don't you go play hide and go FUCK YOURSELF!!! | ||||
| Bumpkinhead | posted on 03-05-2001 @ 7:06 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | Your mother got a wooden leg with a kick stand, motherfucka. Merry christmas to all you cristians out there, and to our jewish friends happy.....rashashinyagaga. Ross perot: can't do it, the republicans are putting gonerea in my sandwiches. can't do it, can't build a barn with 2 nails in a scrodem. can't do it. Ok terrific. Beer is good! | ||||
| SpiderBob | posted on 03-05-2001 @ 8:00 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | You people guess who wrote this. "Three Blind Mice, see how they run, haha, Where they fuck are they goin?" Other: What do you call a black McDonald's worker? A Nigga What do you call a black Nuclear Physicist? A Nigga Why does the Cuban olympic team SucK? Cuz the ones that can run and swim fast are already here. What is the difference between Amadou Diallo and an Irish guy. An Irish would still be standing after 42 shots. The Official Comedic Kryptonite of OpieAnthony.com Rangers Suck!  | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 03-05-2001 @ 10:16 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | The Storm of the Century The National Weather Service. The asswipes who couldn't make it to work today because they are "snowed in".  It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 03-05-2001 @ 10:19 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Going with the obvious joke: Howard Stern Show My adapted newbie that now has graduated: skitchr4u | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-07-2001 @ 11:47 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Back to the top What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs hangin on a wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs at your door? Matt What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs in hot water? Stew What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs in the middle of the highway? Fucked  Do you think I really care? | ||||
| skitchr4u G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Xtreme Skiing Assualt Force | posted on 03-07-2001 @ 1:25 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | What is the difference between a booger and broccoli? A kid won't eat broccoli adopted by Joey BigArms, then he graduated me, so i am no longer an adoptee!!! Thanks to Joey for all the help!  | ||||
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Displaying 26-37 of 37 messages in this thread. |