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Posted By	Discussion Topic: Fu for taking away my comfort.....
FeelMyFunBags	posted on 09-14-2001 @ 12:17 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	I know there are a lot of threads like this, but it felt odd replying to someone else's emotions. As I got dressed for school, I was watching the news as I usually do, when the news of the first plane hit. Thinking it was an accident as most New Yorkers did, I continued to get ready and decided to take the train in to school because the express bus I usually take goes through the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and right by the WTC and I knew there would be traffic. Then the second plane hit....and I sat there and cried. It finally hit me that our city was indeed under attack. Then the plane hit the Pentagon, and I knew not only my city was under attack, but my country was under attack. I sat in horror trying to get in touch with friends in the area, and cried for those I could not find. I cried as the towers crumbled and people died. I cried for myself, I cried for my city, and I cried for these people that I didn't know, but had seen almost every day. I wondered about the police officer in the WTC mall who would always help me find the exit when I got lost inside the mall and was late for class. I never knew his name, but I will always remember his face, as he always remembered mine, coming over to me to tease me about whether or not I needed a map or a compass to find my way out that day. Now I wonder if one day I will see him again. I wondered about friends who I had lost contact with working in those buildings and hoped they would make it out alive. People who had lost meaning in my life now suddenly had became my first priorities...just to know they were okay would put my heart at ease. I think of the girls that I go to school with who are missing....and I think of the department of my school that was in tower one and wonder if the people who work there are okay. Some of these people I won't know about until school reopens and I see the empty seats where my friends once sat. I have always been a fearful person, having panic attacks all too many times when stuck in traffic in the tunnel, afraid to go to national landmarks, etc. But this was before Tuesday's attack....now I sit trapped in fear of leaving my house. I say I want to volunteer, but the thought of riding the subway is almost paralyzing to me. I used to walk the streets of Manhattan carelessly waving my pocketbook, and happy, almost laughing at the tourists who seemed to have such fear of my wonderful city, and now I feel a fear greater than anything I have ever felt. I am afraid to go back to school when that area reopens...I am terrified to go back to my job on Wall Street when that area reopens. I am afraid to live in New York, I am afraid to go to my next Yankees game, I am afraid to let people I love get too far away. Fuck you animals for taking away the sense of security I had in this city....when I was sad or scared in the past, I would go into Manhattan and blend in and just walk.....now I can't do that without a sense of fear. You've taken away the sense of security all New Yorkers were so proud of. You've no doubtedly taken away my friends....so young and vibrant just trying to make enough money to go out on the weekends....you've taken away any sense of security I had left, and for all these reasons I hate you. I don't know exactly who you are right now, but I do hope that one day you will fear the fear that all of us feel now. (sorry for my long rant) "I know every one of you, I know the sea of torment, doubt, despair and unbelief." -Walt Whitman USA

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