The Royal Tenenbaums

[Black Lazerus]

Richie nods. Silence.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Why’d you choke out there that day,
Baumer?
RICHIE
(pause)
I don’t know, Dad.
INSERT:
(CONTINUED)
A television set tuned in to network coverage of a tennis
match on grass courts. Richie is playing an Indian player
dressed all in white. A title identifies him as Sanjay
Gandhi.
Gandhi serves. With a bizarre swing, Richie hits his return
directly off the court and deep into the stands. He shakes
his head and talks to himself. It is briefly revealed that
he is wearing no shoes and only one sock.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
That’s seventy-two unforced errors for
Richie Tenenbaum. He’s playing the
worst tennis of his life. What’s he
feeling right now, Tex Hayward?
TEX HAYWARD (V.O.)
I don’t know, Jim. There’s obviously
something wrong with him. He’s taken
off his shoes and one of his socks, and -
- actually, I think he’s crying.
Richie is shown preparing to serve with tears all over his
face. He hesitates. He looks into the stands.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Who’s he looking at in the friends’ box,
Tex?
Margot and Raleigh, holding hands, watch from their seats in
a courtside box. They look very concerned.
TEX HAYWARD (V.O.)
That’s his sister, Margot, and her new
husband, Raleigh St. Clair. They were
just married yesterday, Jim.
Richie stares at Margot and Raleigh. He looks to Chas, with
Rachael, Ari and Uzi. He looks to Etheline. He looks to
Royal in a lonely seat up in the nosebleed section. Royal
stands up and walks towards the exit.
Richie serves suddenly, underhand, barely tossing the ball
into the air. Gandhi nails his return, and Richie attempts
to play it by throwing his racket at the ball.
CUT TO:
Royal and Richie standing together.
ROYAL
I kind of disappeared after that, didn’t
I?
49.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
RICHIE
(shrugs)
Yeah, but I understood. I know you’re
not very good with disappointment.
Royal nods. He kicks a pebble on the ground.
CUT TO:
Royal scraping some dirt off of Rachael’s gravestone with his
foot. Chas stands beside him.
ROYAL
You still got that little BB in your
hand, Chassie?
Chas looks to Royal. He holds up his hand and shows Royal a
little round bump between two knuckles. Royal taps it with
his finger. It moves slightly.
CHAS
Why’d you shoot me?
Silence. Royal says quietly:
ROYAL
It was the object of the game, wasn’t
it?
CHAS
No. We were on the same team.
ROYAL
Were we?
Chas does not respond. Royal sighs.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Well, you sued me. Twice. And got me
disbarred. But I don’t hold it against
you, do I?
INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS. DAY.
A lawyer in a robe sits behind his desk. Chas and Royal and
two attorneys sit across from him. A stenographer sits at a
metal stand, typing.
JUDGE
And how was it possible for Mr.
Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds
without your written authorization?
ROYAL
Objection, your honor. Now, dammit --
50.
CONTINUED: (3)
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL’S LAWYER
This isn’t a courtroom, Royal. Don’t
object.
CHAS
Because I started the corporation when I
was a minor, so my father was the
primary signatory on most of my
accounts.
Chas’ attorney whispers something into his ear.
CHAS (CONT’D)
He also stole bonds out of my safety
deposit box when I was fourteen.
The judge looks to Royal. Royal looks guilty.
CUT TO:
Royal and Chas surrounded with Ari and Uzi.
ROYAL
You think you could start forgiving me?
CHAS
Why should I?
ROYAL
Because you’re hurting me.
Chas turns and walks away. Uzi looks to Royal.
UZI
Were you in prison?
ROYAL
Kind of. Minimum security. I got
jacked by the IRS. Should we split?
ARI
Yes, sir.
ROYAL
Call me Mr. Tenenbaum.
ARI
OK.
ROYAL
I’m kidding. Call me Pappy.
ARI
OK.
Royal yells across the cemetery to Richie and Margot.
51.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
Come on! Let’s shag ass!
CUT TO:
Margot and Richie walking toward the cemetery gates.
RICHIE
How are you and Raleigh getting along?
You think you’re going to get back
together?
MARGOT
(pause)
I don’t know.
RICHIE
Well, if you need someone to talk to,
let me know, OK? I like Raleigh very
much. I know he’s a lot older than you
are, and you’re having some problems,
but -- Anyway, maybe I can help.
MARGOT
OK. Thanks.
A maintenance man with a shovel in his hand yells from across
the cemetery:
MAINTENANCE MAN
Hey, Baumer! All right!
Richie smiles and waves to the maintenance man.
MARGOT
By the way, I heard about that letter
you sent to Eli.
Silence. Richie starts to say something. He hesitates. A
pack of cigarettes falls out of Margot’s pocket on to the
ground. They stop walking and look at it.
RICHIE
You dropped some cigarettes.
MARGOT
Those aren’t mine.
RICHIE
Well, they just fell out of your pocket.
Margot picks up the pack of cigarettes and puts it back in
her pocket.
52.
CONTINUED: (2)
INT. ELI CASH’S TOWNHOUSE. DAY.
Eli walks into the vestibule smoking a joint which he keeps
in his mouth at all times like a cigarette. He opens the
front door. Richie stands on the top step.
ELI
Oh, my Lord. Look at you.
Eli embraces Richie. They smile sadly at each other.
CUT TO:
Richie and Eli walking into the front room of the house. It
is furnished like a house in the English countryside, with
antiques and potted flowers and old rugs.
RICHIE
Did you tell Margot about that letter I
wrote you?
ELI
(hesitates)
Why? Did she mention it?
Richie does not respond.
ELI (CONT’D)
Yes, I did.
RICHIE
Eli, that was meant to be just between
you and me.
ELI
I know. I’m sorry. Why would she have
repeated that, I wonder?
RICHIE
Well, I would ask you the same question.
ELI
(pause)
Rightly so.
INT. STUDIO. DAY.
Richie and Eli walk into the next room. Eli’s wife, Sabrina,
is painting in her studio. She is very beautiful and wears
spectacles and a white sari. She is barefoot. Classical
music plays quietly on the record player.
ELI
Sabrina?
Sabrina does not look up. She seems irritated.
53.
(CONTINUED)
SABRINA
What?
ELI
Look what I found on the doorstep.
Sabrina looks to Richie. She is only mildly surprised. She
has an English accent.
SABRINA
Hello, darling.
Sabrina hugs and kisses Richie.
ELI
Charlotte? Stetson? Say hello to Uncle
Richie.
There are two children in the corner. Stetson is six. He
works at a spinning potter’s wheel, molding a hunk of clay.
Charlotte is five. She is painting a set of teacups. She
has a cast in a sling on her arm. They are both blond and
fair.
The children do not respond to Eli. Eli does not appear to
notice this, as he is in the process of relighting his joint.
RICHIE
How’d she break her arm?
ELI
(sadly)
I fell down the stairs with her.
Richie looks disturbed. He notices a nude, teenaged girl
standing on the table. She has a deep tan, except where she
wore a bikini. She is Sabrina’s model, Cinnamon.
ELI (CONT’D)
That’s Cinnamon. Hello, Cinnamon.
Cinnamon looks at Eli coldly.
INT. ELI’S STUDY. DAY.
Eli sits on a couch across from Richie. They are both
drinking wine. There is a large zip-lock bag of marijuana on
the table. There is a large, frightening painting on the
wall of five men wearing African masks and sitting on dirtbikes.
Silence.
ELI
What’d you say?
54.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RICHIE
(pause)
Hm?
ELI
What?
RICHIE
I didn’t say anything.
ELI
When? Right now?
(pause)
I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me.
(barely audible)
I’m on mescaline. I’ve been spaced out
all day.
Eli pours himself another glass of wine.
RICHIE
Did you say you’re on mescaline?
ELI
(nods)
I did, indeed. Very much so.
Richie reflects on this for a minute.
RICHIE
How often do you --
ELI
I’m worried about you, Richie.
RICHIE
(pause)
Why?
ELI
Well, actually, Margot is, for some
reason. But I did find it odd when you
said you were in love with her.
(pause)
She’s married, you know.
RICHIE
Yeah.
ELI
And she’s your sister.
RICHIE
(quickly)
Adopted.
INSERT:
55.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Page 112 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Five.”
EXT. LINDBERGH PALACE HOTEL. DAY.
The side entrance of the hotel. Royal goes in through
revolving doors.
INT. LOBBY. DAY.
Royal comes into the lobby and freezes.
A large number of trunks, suitcases and boxes are stacked and
piled on four carts next to the front desk. There are also
several dozen hanging garments on a rack with wheels on it.
A bellboy rolls a fifth cart next to the others. The manager
and his assistant come over and watch Royal study his
possessions. Royal says suddenly:
ROYAL
Where’re my encyclopedias?
MANAGER
They’ve been placed in storage.
ROYAL
(shaking his head)
Damn you. You’re taking my
encyclopedias. This is humiliating.
MANAGER
I’m sorry. Would you like to --
ROYAL
Where am I supposed to go? You’re
turning me into a goddamn hobo.
MANAGER
I’d be happy to make a reservation for
you at another hotel.
ROYAL
You son of a bitch.
MANAGER
Frederick?
The manager looks to the bellboy. The bellboy begins to roll
one of the carts across the lobby. The manager walks away.
Dusty, the elevator operator, appears at Royal’s side.
ROYAL
Hello, Dusty.
MANAGER
Hello, sir.
56.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
Spot me a quarter, will you?
MANAGER
Of course.
INT. TELEPHONE BOOTH. DAY.
Royal places a call from the lobby.
ROYAL
Richie? It’s your dad.
INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.
Etheline, Henry, Chas, Margot, Richie, Ari and Uzi sit at the
table eating dessert.
RICHIE
I think he’s very lonely. Lonelier than
he lets on, and maybe lonelier than he
even realizes.
ETHELINE
Have you spoken to him about this?
RICHIE
Briefly. And he agreed that --
CHAS
I’m sorry. Maybe I’m a little confused.
What are you suggesting?
RICHIE
That he come here and stay in my room.
CHAS
Are you out of your mind?
RICHIE
(sincerely)
No, I’m not. Anyway, I think he’d be
much more comfortable here than --
CHAS
Who gives a shit?
RICHIE
I do.
CHAS
You poor sucker. You poor, washed-up
poppa’s boy.
Henry puts his hand gently on Chas’ arm.
57.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
HENRY
All right. Let’s not get out of hand.
Chas jerks his arm away.
CHAS
Don’t get in the middle of this, Mr.
Sherman. This is a family matter.
MARGOT
Don’t talk to him like that.
HENRY
Please, call me Henry.
CHAS
I prefer Mr. Sherman.
ETHELINE
Call him Henry.
CHAS
Why? I don’t know him that well.
ETHELINE
You’ve known him for ten years.
CHAS
As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes.
ARI
(to Richie)
Where are you going to sleep?
RICHIE
I’ll just camp out upstairs.
UZI
We brought an extra sleeping bag you can
use.
RICHIE
Oh, that’s OK. I’ve got an old Scout
cot and a couple of army blankets.
UZI
You want to borrow our electric --
CHAS
Uzi.
ARI
We don’t mind, Dad. We like him.
UZI
Who? Pappy?
58.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Chas looks shocked and then revolted.
CHAS
It’s not your decision, goddammit.
ETHELINE
Nor is it yours.
RICHIE
Well, he’s already up there.
Silence.
RICHIE (CONT’D)
I think he’s asleep, because of the
medication he’s on. But I guess you can
wake him up and throw him out, if Mom
says it’s OK.
INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Richie’s room has been converted into a makeshift hospital
room. Royal lies on an electric hospital bed. He has an IV
in his arm and a tube in his nose. There are several
monitors and machines breathing and humming. There are
numerous bottles of pills and medicines on the night stand.
Pagoda has on a surgical mask and scrubs.
Chas stands in the doorway. Richie is behind him.
CHAS
Get out.
ROYAL
All right. Let me just collect my
things.
Royal sits up on the edge of the bed. He is dressed in pink
surgical scrubs.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Would you mind handing me my cane,
Richie?
Richie hands Royal his cane. Royal struggles to his feet.
He rolls the IV stand beside him.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Let’s see, now. Where’s my suitcase?
Royal’s knee gives out. He staggers a step. He grips the
back of a chair and looks to Richie with a surprised
expression. He collapses on to the floor. He produces a
wooden spoon, which he takes between his teeth.
RICHIE
Dad?
59.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
Richie and Pagoda rush over and kneel on the floor beside
Royal. Chas frowns. Richie yells out the door:
RICHIE (CONT’D)
Mom!
ROYAL
Grab me a Nembutal, son.
Richie runs to the night stand and pops open a bottle of
pills. Chas looks down at Royal.
CHAS
Are you OK?
Royal takes the spoon out of his mouth.
ROYAL
Fuck do you care?
Richie gives Royal a pill with a glass of water. Etheline
comes to the door.
ETHELINE
Oh, my goodness!
ROYAL
Pagoda. Call Dr. McClure.
CUT TO:
Forty-five minutes later. Royal is back in bed. He is being
examined by Dusty, the elevator operator from the Lindbergh
Palace. Dusty is dressed in a white lab coat and elevatoroperator
pants with a red stripe down the side. He checks
Royal’s pulse while everyone watches.
INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT.
Dusty speaks with the Tenenbaums in the hallway outside
Richie’s bedroom.
DUSTY
His condition is stable. The attack was
just a side-effect. I recommend that
you push fluids and continue the stomach
cancer medication.
Dusty’s beeper goes off. He looks at it.
INSERT:
Dusty’s beeper has a digital message on it: “Smitty worked a
double yesterday. Can you sub for him tonight?”
CUT TO:
60.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Dusty pushing a button on his beeper.
CHAS
Can we move him?
DUSTY
Absolutely not.
CHAS
For how long?
DUSTY
We’ll have to wait and see.
RICHIE
Is he going to be all right?
DUSTY
That depends. Is he a fighter?
RICHIE
Yeah.
DUSTY
(solemnly)
Then that’s the best we’ve got. Now, if
you’ll excuse me, I have another call to
make.
INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Etheline sits next to Royal’s bed. Pagoda comes in and hands
Royal a small brown paper sack.
ROYAL
Pagoda is in possession of a parcel that
contains my will and some instructions
regarding the funeral, including my
epitaph, for when the time comes.
Etheline nods.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Proof-read it for me before they carve
it on the headstone, OK?
ETHELINE
OK.
ROYAL
I never did stop loving you, by the way.
Do you believe that?
ETHELINE
Not really.
61.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
You look terrific. That dress is
stunning.
ETHELINE
(pause)
Thanks.
Royal raises an eyebrow. Etheline shakes her head and goes
out of the room. Royal opens the paper sack and withdraws a
cheeseburger wrapped in aluminum foil. He unwraps it and
takes a bite. He hesitates. Henry is standing in the
doorway. He walks away.
A dalmation mouse eats some crumbs off the floor.
CUT TO:
An hour later. Royal lies in bed, drinking a milkshake,
reading a spy novel. Chas appears in the doorway.
CHAS
Lights out, old man.
Chas turns out the light.
ROYAL
I was going to read for a little bit,
Chas.
CHAS
Sorry. 11:30. Lights out.
ROYAL
I’m in the middle of a sentence.
CHAS
Have to finish it up in the morning.
Them’s the rules.
Silence. Royal says in a quiet, strangely upbeat voice in
the darkness:
ROYAL
Goodnight, m’boy.
Chas hesitates. He closes the door.
INT. BALLROOM. NIGHT.
The ballroom on the top floor of the house. There are chairs
and tables with sheets over them lined up along the walls.
Near the center of the room, there is a yellow nylon puptent.
The room is dark except for a lamp glowing inside the
tent.
62.
CONTINUED:
INT. TENT. NIGHT.
There is a Boy Scout sleeping bag on an air mattress on a cot
inside the tent. There is a photograph of the Tenenbaum
family taped to the nylon wall. There is a small table with
a stack of books and some of Richie’s Matchbox cars and
tennis trophies on it. Richie lies on the cot reading Three
Plays by Margot Tenenbaum.
Chas comes into the tent. Richie looks up, startled.
CHAS
Looks like you and Dad are back together
again, huh?
RICHIE
(pause)
He’s your dad, too, Chas.
CHAS
No, he’s not.
(pause)
You really hate me, don’t you?
RICHIE
(puzzled)
No, I don’t. I love you.
Chas looks disturbed by this.
CHAS
Well, I don’t know what you think you’re
going to get out of this. But believe
me, whatever it is, it’s not worth it.
RICHIE
I don’t want to hurt you, Chas. I know
what you and the boys have been through.
You’re my brother, and I love you.
CHAS
(gritting his teeth)
Stop saying that.
EXT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY.
The next morning. Royal sits on the window sill smoking a
cigarette. Pagoda sits next to him drinking a cup of coffee.
Royal throws his cigarette out the window. He looks down at
the street. He frowns.
Eli is climbing out a window on the second floor.
ROYAL
What’s that jackass doing here?
63.
(CONTINUED)
Pagoda looks down at Eli. Eli drops to the sidewalk. He
sees Royal’s cigarette burning on the ground. He steps on
it. He looks up to Royal. Their eyes meet. Royal yells:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I know you, asshole!
Eli hesitates. He smiles defiantly. He runs away.
INSERT:
An article on Eli in the Sunday magazine section. The
headline says “Where the Wild Things Are.” There is a
photograph of Eli in the desert holding a dead rattlesnake by
the tail in each hand. A note stapled to the top says: “Dear
Mrs. Tenenbaum, Just in case you missed it. Love, Eli.”
CUT TO:
Margot and Etheline sitting together in Etheline’s study.
Margot is reading Henry’s book, Accounting for Everything.
Etheline is reading the article on Eli. Margot looks at it.
MARGOT
Did Eli send you that?
ETHELINE
(nods)
He always sends me his clippings.
MARGOT
(incredulous)
What for?
ETHELINE
I think he just likes the encouragement.
He’s done it for years. He used to send
me his grades in college.
MARGOT
(frowns)
That’s ridiculous.
There is a rap on the glass. Margot and Etheline look up.
Raleigh is standing in the window. He looks miserable.
EXT. GARDEN. DAY.
The backyard. Margot and Raleigh sit at a metal table
drinking tea.
RALEIGH
How long do you intend to stay here?
MARGOT
I don’t know.
64.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RALEIGH
Are you ever coming home?
MARGOT
(pause)
Maybe not. But --
RALEIGH
You’re joking.
MARGOT
No. But --
RALEIGH
I want to die.
Raleigh crumples into a ball on the ground and stays there.
Margot puts her hand on his back.
MARGOT
Raleigh, please. For God’s sake.
Raleigh sits up suddenly.
RALEIGH
Have you met someone else?
MARGOT
(pause)
I couldn’t begin to even think about
knowing how to answer that question.
Raleigh stands up and walks away.
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
Royal watches down the stairwell as Margot comes up. He
knocks on the railing. She looks up at him. Silence.
ROYAL
I don’t like the way you’re treating
Raleigh.
MARGOT
What are you talking about? You don’t
even know him.
ROYAL
I’ve met him. And I don’t think he
deserves --
MARGOT
Stay out of it.
Margot walks toward her room. Royal steps on to the landing
at the top of the stairs.
65.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
You’re two-timing him with that
bloodsucker Eli Cash.
Margot stops. She stands still with her back to Royal.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
It’s not right, dammit. You used to be
a genius.
Margot turns to Royal. They look at each other for a long
minute. She says in a quiet voice:
MARGOT
No, I didn’t.
ROYAL
(hesitates)
Well, anyway, that’s what they used to
say.
Margot goes into her room and closes the door.
EXT. ROOF. DAY.
Raleigh stands at the edge of the roof looking down to the
ground while Richie cleans the empty falcon’s coop.
RALEIGH
Richard, I know you’re terribly close to
Margot, and perhaps you understand her
better than anyone else.
RICHIE
I doubt it.
RALEIGH
Nevertheless, may I confide in you?
RICHIE
(pause)
OK.
RALEIGH
I believe she’s having an affair.
Silence. Richie comes out of the coop and goes over to
Raleigh.
RALEIGH (CONT’D)
I’m utterly devastated. I don’t know
where else to turn. Will you advise me?
RICHIE
I don’t know. What do you want to do?
66.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RALEIGH
Well, I thought, perhaps --
RICHIE
Find the guy and get him?
RALEIGH
(pause)
Well, no. I thought we might --
Richie punches his hand through the attic window. He kicks
it. Raleigh looks shocked. He stares at Richie’s bloody
hand.
RICHIE
Who do you think it might be?
RALEIGH
(hesitates)
I don’t know, at the moment.
INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY.
Royal comes down the hallway and looks in the doorway to
Chas’ room. There are five computers, four telephones, the
Xerox machine and a television and VCR on a cart. Three
secretaries make copies and take messages. Chas is on the
telephone. A messenger waits for him to sign a document.
Ari and Uzi sit working with a calculator and a ledger pad at
a small desk in the corner. Royal says to them:
ROYAL
Let’s go down to Little Tokyo and get
some firecrackers.
Chas covers the receiver with his hand.
CHAS
What do you need?
ROYAL
(hesitates)
Nothing. You got them crunching numbers
for you, huh?
CHAS
Please, don’t come in this room.
INT. ETHELINE’S STUDY. DAY.
Etheline sits at her desk writing numbers on little bits of
pottery and recording it in a notebook. Royal stands in the
garden, looking in the window. His IV bag hangs on a rolling
stand beside him.
67.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
Chassie’s got those boys cooped up like
a pair of jackrabbits, Ethel.
ETHELINE
He has his reasons.
ROYAL
I know it. But you can’t raise boys to
be scared of life. You got to brew some
recklessness into them.
ETHELINE
I think that’s terrible advice.
ROYAL
(pause)
No, you don’t.
INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY.
Royal listens to Ari over the intercom while Pagoda does yoga
exercises in the corner:
ARI (V.O.)
We take boxing and self-defense class.
Royal pushes a button to talk.
ROYAL
I’m not talking about dance lessons.
I’m talking about putting a brick
through the other guy’s windshield. I’m
talking about taking it out and chopping
it up.
Silence. Ari says over the intercom:
ARI (V.O.)
What do you mean?
MONTAGE:
(Royal, Ari and Uzi laugh continuously throughout the
following montage.)
Royal, Ari and Uzi jump off a high scaffold into the indoor
pool at the 375th Street Y.
Royal, Ari and Uzi jaywalk through heavy traffic.
Royal, Ari and Uzi ride horses in the park. Royal leads them
at a full gallop down a ravine and over a stone wall.
Royal, Ari and Uzi race go-carts up and down loading ramps
and in between fork-lifts in a large warehouse.
68.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Royal, Ari and Uzi throw water balloons at a gypsy cab.
Royal, Ari and Uzi hide cartons of chocolate milk under their
jackets and walk quickly out the door of a bodega.
Royal, Ari and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding garbage
truck.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
ROYAL
(indicating Pagoda)
He saved my life, you know. Thirty
years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in
Calcutta, and he carried me to the
hospital on his back.
ARI
Who stabbed you?
Royal motions to Pagoda again.
ROYAL
He did. There was a price on my head,
and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me
in the gut with a shiv.
INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY.
The three secretaries are still at work, and Chas is on the
telephone. He sees Royal, Ari and Uzi walking by the
hallway. Chas hangs up the telephone.
CHAS
Where’ve you been?
Chas goes to the doorway. He glares at Ari, Uzi and Royal.
ROYAL
Just stepped out to get some air. How’s
the --
CHAS
(concerned)
What’s that?
Chas points to a spot of dried blood on Uzi’s forehead.
ROYAL
Holy shit. That’s not -- What is that?
Royal licks his finger and rubs away the blood.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
No. That’s dog’s blood.
69.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Chas frowns. He looks to Royal. Royal hesitates. Chas
grabs Royal by the arm and pulls him into the closet across
the hall.
INT. CLOSET. DAY.
Chas closes the door and turns on the light. There are
hundreds of board games, most of which are about thirty years
old, in shelves up to the ceiling.
CHAS
Stay away from my children. Do you
understand?
ROYAL
(looking around)
My God. I haven’t been in here in
years.
CHAS
(screams)
Are you listening to me?
ROYAL
Yes, I am. And I think you’re having a
nervous breakdown. I don’t believe
you’ve recovered from Rachael’s death.
I think --
Chas turns off the light, goes out of the closet, and closes
the door. Royal stands alone in the dark. He switches the
light back on and looks down at the floor. He smiles.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
There you are.
The stuffed boar’s head is under the bottom shelf, in the
corner, covered with dust.
EXT. PARK. DAY.
Royal and Etheline walk along a path through the park. Royal
rolls his hanging IV bag at his side.
ETHELINE
How are you feeling?
ROYAL
Oh, I’m having a ball. Scrapping and
yelling. Mixing it up. Loving every
minute with this damn crew.
(sincerely)
I’d like to thank you for raising our
children, by the way.
70.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ETHELINE
(pause)
OK.
ROYAL
I’m not kidding.
Etheline shrugs.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
You always put them first, didn’t you?
ETHELINE
I tried to. Lately, I feel like maybe I
didn’t do such a great job.
ROYAL
Goddammit, don’t do that to yourself.
I’m the one who failed them. Or,
anyway, it’s nobody’s fault.
(pause)
Plus, it doesn’t --
ETHELINE
Well, then why didn’t you give a damn
about us, Royal? Why didn’t you care?
ROYAL
I don’t know, but I’m ashamed of myself.
I’ll tell you one thing, though. You’ve
got more grit, and fire, and guts than
any bob-tailed fox I ever damn hunted,
and if --
Etheline laughs. Royal smiles.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
What? What’s so funny?
ETHELINE
Nothing.
ROYAL
No, tell me.
ETHELINE
Nothing. Just these little expressions
of yours.
ROYAL
(pause)
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
But I’ll take it as a compliment.
They look at each other for a long minute.
71.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL (CONT’D)
You’re true blue, Ethel. You really
are.
CUT TO:
Henry with two bags of groceries in his arms, watching from
behind a stone wall above the path. He listens as Royal
says:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
How’s your love life?
ETHELINE
None of your business.
Henry frowns.
INSERT:
Page 147 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Six.”
EXT. SIDEWALK. EVENING.
Etheline and Henry come down the front steps of the Tenenbaum
house. Henry is dressed in black tie. The ends of a pair of
theatre tickets stick out of his breast pocket. Pagoda holds
a gypsy cab for them at the curb.
HENRY
I’d like you to talk to Royal about us,
if you don’t mind.
ETHELINE
(hesitates)
I don’t think the timing’s right for
that, Henry.
HENRY
Well, I’d agree if I thought he was
really going to die in six weeks. But I
don’t.
Etheline stops at the bottom of the steps. Silence.
ETHELINE
Well, I hope you’re right.
(pause)
Actually, I don’t believe I’m going to
join you tonight. I’ll call you in the
morning.
Etheline turns around and goes back up the steps. Henry
watches her. He looks sad and stunned. Pagoda watches
Henry. Etheline goes inside and closes the door.
72.
CONTINUED: (2)
INT. CLOSET. NIGHT.
Royal and Pagoda stand together in the board-game-filled
closet drinking Martinis and smoking cigarettes. Royal has a
half-eaten cheeseburger in his hand. He whispers excitedly:
ROYAL
She said that?
Pagoda nods. Royal snaps his fingers.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
We got the sucker on the ropes.
INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
The next morning. Henry stands at the counter reading the
Wall Street Journal. He has on reading glasses. Royal comes
into the kitchen eating a cheeseburger. Henry looks at him
blankly. Royal sits on a stool.
ROYAL
Can I ask you something?
HENRY
(pause)
OK.
ROYAL
Are you trying to steal my woman?
HENRY
(pause)
I beg your pardon?
ROYAL
You heard me, Coltrane.
HENRY
(long pause)
Coltrane?
ROYAL
What?
HENRY
Did you just call me Coltrane?
ROYAL
No.
HENRY
You didn’t?
ROYAL
No.
73.
(CONTINUED)
HENRY
(pause)
OK.
ROYAL
But if I did?
Silence. Henry waits for Royal to continue.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
You wouldn’t be able to do anything
about it, would you?
HENRY
You don’t think so?
ROYAL
No, I don’t.
HENRY
(seething)
Listen, Royal. If you think --
ROYAL
You want to talk some jive?
Henry hesitates. He looks puzzled.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I’ll talk some jive with you.
Royal stands up. He screams:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I’ll talk some jive like you never
heard!
HENRY
(yelling)
Oh, yeah?
ROYAL
Right on!
HENRY
Sit down!
ROYAL
What?
Royal starts doing a little dance in front of Henry.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
What’d you say?
HENRY
I said, sit down, goddammit!
74.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
Oh, I heard you.
Henry jumps to his feet. Royal stops dancing. He says
darkly:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I want you out of my house.
HENRY
This is not your house.
ROYAL
Don’t play semantics with me. I want
your raggedy ass back on the --
ETHELINE
What’s going on here?
Henry and Royal look to Etheline. She stands in the doorway.
ROYAL
Nothing.
Royal goes to the refrigerator and opens it. He takes out a
jar of peanut butter and a jar of grape jelly. Etheline
looks to Henry. Henry walks out of the room.
INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY.
Henry goes into Richie’s room and takes a bottle of Royal’s
pills off the night stand. He goes back out of the room.
INT. TELEPHONE ROOM. DAY.
Henry reads the label on the bottle while he places a call.
HENRY
Hello. I’m calling in regards to a Dr.
McClure. Yes. At Colby General. The
name of the patient is Royal Tenenbaum.
Henry takes out a pill and examines it.
INSERT:
The pill. It has pink and blue sparkles all over it and the
word “Tic-Tac” printed on the side.
INT. STAIRWAY. DAY.
Henry goes up the stairs with a cold, determined look on his
face. He has the bottle of pills in his hand.
75.
CONTINUED: (2)
INT. PAGODA’S ROOM. DAY.
A small room with an Indian pattern on the wallpaper. Pagoda
lies on a hammock listening to Indian music on a portable
record player. There is a knock on the door, and then it
opens. Henry stands in the doorway. He stares at Pagoda.
HENRY
How much is he paying you?
Pagoda looks scared.
INSERT:
A television set tuned in to an interview show. The host is
a tall, distinguished-looking man in his fifties. He is
Peter Bradley. Eli is his guest. They sit at a round table
lit at the center of a pitch-black room.
ELI
Well, I grew up with the Tenenbaum
family, you know.
PETER
Right. They’ve come on hard times now,
haven’t they?
Eli nods sadly.
CUT TO:
Richie’s room. Margot and Royal are watching Eli on
television.
ROYAL
Bullshit. Change it.
The door opens. Richie comes into the room. His hand is
wrapped with bloody bandages. Margot looks concerned.
MARGOT
What’d you do to your hand?
RICHIE
Nothing.
Richie goes into the closet. Two dalmation mice dart out
across the floor. They run under the radiator. Royal
frowns.
ROYAL
You think we could get somebody to come
over here and kill some of these mice
for us?
76.
(CONTINUED)
MARGOT
No. Those belong to Chas. Or, anyway,
he invented them.
Richie drags a large trunk out of the closet.
ROYAL
Well, tell him to stick them in a
fucking cage or something.
Henry and Pagoda come into the room. Henry goes over to the
intercom and presses a button on it.
HENRY
Etheline? Would you mind coming up here
for a minute, please?
Royal looks at Henry suspiciously.
ROYAL
What’s cooking, Pops?
HENRY
You’ll see.
ETHELINE (O.S.)
(on the intercom)
OK.
INSERT:
The television set. Eli’s interview continues.
PETER
Now, your previous novel --
ELI
Wildcattin’.
PETER
Right. Not a success. Why?
ELI
Hm. Well, Wildcattin’ was written in a
kind of obsolete vernacular, much like
the --
Eli freezes. He looks quickly across the room.
ELI (CONT’D)
Holy shit.
PETER
(looking around)
What?
77.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
A look of sheer horror crosses Eli’s face. He braces himself
against the edge of the table. Peter looks concerned.
PETER (CONT’D)
Are you all right?
ELI
(concerned)
Why is it so dense in here?
Peter hesitates. Eli removes his microphone, stands up, and
walks off the set. Peter Bradley watches him go.
CUT TO:
Everyone watching in Richie’s bedroom. They look stunned.
ROYAL
Son of a bitch. What the hell kind of
way to act is that?
RICHIE
(pause)
He’s on drugs.
MARGOT
(worried)
I’ll be right back.
Margot goes to the telephone. Etheline and Chas come into
the room. Chas is eating a sandwich. Ari, Uzi and Buckley
follow them.
HENRY
Hold on a minute, please.
Henry steps in front of the television set and turns it off.
HENRY (CONT’D)
Pagoda has something to say.
Everyone looks to Pagoda. Silence. Pagoda looks worried.
He turns to Royal and points at him.
PAGODA
He has the cancer.
HENRY
(angrily)
No, he doesn’t.
Royal sits up. Henry stares at Royal.
HENRY (CONT’D)
I know what stomach cancer looks like.
I’ve seen it.
78.
CONTINUED: (2)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
And you don’t eat three cheeseburgers a
day with french fries when you’ve got
it. The pain is excruciating.
ROYAL
How would you know?
HENRY
My wife had it.
Silence. Royal pulls out his IV and the other tubes that are
attached to him. He goes into the bathroom and closes the
door. Henry turns to Etheline.
HENRY (CONT’D)
Not only is there no Dr. McClure at
Colby General, there’s no Colby General.
It closed in 1974.
Chas crushes his sandwich in his hand.
PAGODA
Ah, shit, man.
ETHELINE
But why would he --
Chas slams his hand against the bathroom door as hard as he
can. He sits down on the bed and picks up the phone. He
places a call.
CHAS
Yes. Can you send a taxi to 111 Archer
Avenue? Right away, please. Thank you.
Chas hangs up. Royal comes out of the bathroom. He is fully
dressed in a suit, and he is zipping up a small leather bag.
He picks up one of his bottles of pills off the night stand
and leaves the rest. He looks to Pagoda.
ROYAL
I guess we’re back on the street, pal.
Etheline looks to Pagoda. She frowns. Pagoda looks uneasy.
ETHELINE
Were you part of this?
HENRY
Of course he was.
Etheline looks to Royal. Royal looks to Pagoda. He says
regretfully:
ROYAL
Time to come clean. No more lies.
79.
CONTINUED: (3)
HENRY (CONT’D)
(CONTINUED)
Pagoda stares at Royal bitterly. Richie points at the
hospital bed and life-support machines.
RICHIE
How’d you get all these medical
supplies?
ROYAL
(pause)
A guy at St. Pete’s owed me a favor. I
did some malpractice work for him. I do
have high blood pressure, though.
Royal swallows one of his pills. He turns and stands in
front of everyone.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Look. I know I’m the bad guy on this
one, but I just want to say that the
last six days have been the best six
days of, probably, my whole life.
A strange, sad expression crosses Royal’s face.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Immediately after making this statement,
Royal realized that it was true.
Royal begins to gather his possessions.
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
Royal comes out of Richie’s room with his suitcases.
Etheline stands at the end of the hall.
ETHELINE
Why’d you do this to us, Royal?
Royal stops.
ETHELINE (CONT’D)
What was the point?
ROYAL
(pause)
I thought maybe I could win you back.
Or, anyway, I thought I could get rid of
Henry and keep things status quo.
ETHELINE
But we hadn’t spoken in seven years.
ROYAL
I know. Plus, I was broke, and I got
kicked out of my hotel.
80.
CONTINUED: (4)
(CONTINUED)
ETHELINE
(pause)
You’re a bastard.
Royal nods. Etheline stares at him angrily, with tears in
her eyes.
ETHELINE (CONT’D)
Goodbye, Royal.
Royal turns and walks down the stairs.
INT. STAIRWELL. DAY.
Chas stands at the bottom of the stairs and watches Royal
come down with his suitcases. Royal stops in front of him.
ROYAL
Take it easy on those boys, Chassie. I
don’t want this to happen to you.
Chas hesitates. Royal walks past him and goes out the front
door.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Richie and Royal stand on the sidewalk. Royal’s suitcases
are beside him. Margot and Henry stand at the top of the
steps, in the front doorway.
ROYAL
You know, Richie, this illness, this
closeness to death. It’s been very
profound for me. I feel like a
different person. I really do.
RICHIE
Dad. You were never dying.
ROYAL
(smiles)
But I’m going to live.
Richie shakes his head. He turns away and goes up the steps,
past Margot and Henry, into the house. Royal and Margot look
at each other. Royal points to Henry.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
He’s not your father.
MARGOT
(pause)
Neither are you.
Margot closes the door. Royal puts his hands in his pockets.
He stares into space. He begins to cry. A gypsy cab pulls
over to the curb. Royal waves to the driver.
81.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
The front door of the house opens. Pagoda comes down the
steps with two suitcases. He looks furious.
ROYAL
How you doing, pal?
Pagoda drops his suitcases to the ground.
PAGODA
You son of a bitch.
Pagoda’s teeth flash as he goes over to Royal and stabs him
with a penknife. Royal screams. He clutches his side. He
falls on the ground. The gypsy cab driver watches blankly.
ROYAL
Goddammit! That’s the last time I get
knifed by you! You hear me?
Pagoda helps Royal to his feet. He collects his suitcases.
Royal leans on Pagoda as they get into the gypsy cab. Royal
says to the driver:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
The 375th Street Y, please.
INSERT:
Page 198 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Seven.”
EXT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY.
A huge building that looks like a castle. A sign next to the
door says “375th Street Y.”
INT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY.
An extremely small room with a low ceiling and a single bed.
Royal stands in front of a mirror while Pagoda stitches up
the knife-wound in his side. He holds a bottle of iodine in
one hand and a box of bandages in the other.
ROYAL
Everyone’s against me.
PAGODA
You can’t blame them, man.
ROYAL
I know. But, dammit, I want to be loved
by this family.
Pagoda pours some iodine on a cotton ball and applies it to
Royal’s knife wound. Royal grimaces.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
How much money you got?
82.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
PAGODA
I don’t have.
ROYAL
(frowns)
What do you mean? You’re broke?
Pagoda nods. Royal looks furious.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
You got to be kidding me. How’re we
supposed to pay for the damn room?
Pagoda looks up at Royal coldly. Silence.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
All right. We’ll figure something out.
INT. HENRY’S APARTMENT. NIGHT.
Henry’s bedroom is filled with paintings and sculptures from
the fifties and sixties. He puts on a slow jazz record and
sits down across from Etheline at a small table with a vase
of roses, two bottles of wine, and three candles on it.
Henry has on pale-blue silk pajamas. Etheline wears a cream
silk nightgown. The doors to the balcony are open, and there
is a gentle breeze. They look at each other fondly for a
minute.
HENRY
Would you like another glass of wine?
ETHELINE
Yes, please.
Henry refills Etheline’s glass. He clinks his glass against
hers and takes a small sip. She drinks her whole glass all
at once. Henry looks uneasy. Etheline says suddenly:
ETHELINE (CONT’D)
Maybe we’re rushing things, Henry.
HENRY
(relieved)
You’re right. It’s awkward sitting here
in our pajamas and everything. We don’t
have to do this right now. Let’s just
try and have a nice time.
ETHELINE
OK.
Henry gets up and changes the record to a more upbeat number.
83.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
HENRY
Yes, I think we’re both a little uneasy,
and there’s no need for us to force
anything. There’s no hurry. Let’s just
-
ETHELINE
Actually, I should go.
Silence. Henry nods. He looks disappointed.
HENRY
Can I, at least, offer you some dessert?
Henry points to a dessert cart with a lemon meringue pie, two
cheesecakes, a bowl of strawberries, a chocolate mousse, and
a crepe suzette on it. Etheline hesitates. Henry quickly
strikes a match and sets the crepe suzette on fire. His
napkin catches on fire, and he dips it in his water glass.
He looks to Etheline.
ETHELINE
No, I think you’re right. I should go.
Etheline picks up her overnight bag off a chair and goes into
the bathroom. Henry sits alone. He gets up and turns off
the record player.
EXT. BRIDGE. DAY.
A footbridge over the river. Margot waits in the middle of
the bridge. Eli walks towards her from the opposite bank.
His face is smeared with dirt and traces of paint. His
clothes look severely dishevelled. He stops a few feet away
from Margot.
ELI
I’m not in love with you any more.
MARGOT
I didn’t know you ever were.
ELI
Let’s not make this any more difficult
than it already is.
MARGOT
(pause)
OK.
ELI
OK, what?
MARGOT
OK, I’m not in love with you, either.
84.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ELI
I know. You’re in love with Richie.
Which is sick and gross.
Silence. Margot nods.
MARGOT
Do you send my mother your clippings?
Eli hesitates.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
And your grades in --
ELI
Please, stop ridiculing me.
Eli turns away and looks sadly out at the river. Margot goes
over and stands beside him.
ELI (CONT’D)
You never gave me the time of day until
I started getting good reviews.
MARGOT
Your reviews aren’t that good.
ELI
But the sales are.
CUT TO:
A second bridge, two hundred yards away. A large man in a
coat and tie takes photographs of Margot and Eli with a
telephoto lens.
INT. PRIVATE DETECTIVE’S OFFICE. DAY.
A small room on the 30th floor of an office building.
Raleigh, Richie and Dudley sit across a desk from the large
man in the coat and tie. He is a detective.
DETECTIVE
How much do you already know, gentlemen?
RALEIGH
Very little, I assure you.
DETECTIVE
Would you like to examine the report?
RALEIGH
We would, rather. Yes.
The detective hands Raleigh a manila folder. He opens and
begins to read. Richie looks over his shoulder.
85.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
MONTAGE:
Margot at age twelve buys a pack of cigarettes in a bodega.
She smokes one on the roof of the house, leaning against the
chimney, next to the falcon’s coop.
(In each of the following images, Margot smokes a cigarette.)
Margot climbs out the window of a girls’ dormitory. She
carries a small suitcase. She shimmies down the gutter and
runs across the lawn.
Margot stands inside a torch-lit shack among a group of
dancing Rastafarians in Jamaica. She holds hands with one of
them while he lights a large brown-paper-wrapped marijuana
cigarette. A man dressed in a black shirt with a priest’s
collar places a string of shells around Margot’s neck.
Another man has a small machine gun. There is a goat in the
doorway, and the ocean glimmers outside.
Margot opens a window and looks out at the Eifel Tower. She
wears a bra and a slip. A topless girl appears next to her,
eating a croissant. The girl puts her arms around Margot’s
waist, and Margot runs her hands through the girl’s hair.
Margot stands in a pool of water facing a young tribesman in
New Guinea. He has on warpaint and wears a large tusk in his
nose. Margot kisses him on the mouth.
Margot sits in a make-up chair at a television studio. Peter
Bradley comes up behind her and puts his hands down her
shirt. Margot smiles at him mischievously.
Margot makes out with:
- a Puerto Rican teenager in the back seat of a taxi;
- a skinny guy with a Mohawk on a city bus;
- a tough-looking Irishman on the deck of a ferry;
- Eli in a deserted subway train going full speed at night.
CUT TO:
Raleigh turning to the last page of the report. He closes
the folder and looks to Richie. Richie looks stunned.
Silence.
RALEIGH (CONT’D)
She smokes.
DETECTIVE
Yes.
86.
CONTINUED:
INT. BASEMENT. DAY.
Royal, Pagoda, Dusty and the manager of the hotel sit at a
table in the laundry room of the Lindbergh Palace. The
manager is reviewing a typewritten document.
MANAGER
All right. Everything seems to be in
order. I’ll contact you in the next
twenty-four hours.
ROYAL
I appreciate that. Which way are you
leaning, by the way?
MANAGER
I’ll inform you of my decision at the
appropriate time.
ROYAL
I get it. Put in a good word for us,
Dusty.
DUSTY
I already did.
INT. RALEIGH’S LABORATORY. DAY.
Raleigh lies face down on the couch with his head buried in
the cushions. Dudley walks over to him with a box of
building blocks. He says quietly:
DUDLEY
You want to play some word games or do
some experiments on me or anything?
Raleigh answers without moving. His voice is muffled.
RALEIGH
No.
Richie walks by in a bathrobe. He carries a pair of
scissors. He goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and
locks it.
INT. BATHROOM. DAY.
Hot water runs full blast in the shower and the sink. Richie
stands in front of the mirror. He holds a pair of scissors
in his hand. He has clipped off his beard.
He opens the medicine cabinet and takes out a can of shaving
cream and a straight razor. He covers his face with the
shaving cream. He picks up the razor. He looks back in the
mirror. He pushes his hand back through his hair, takes a
deep breath, and says quietly:
87.
(CONTINUED)
RICHIE
I’m going to kill myself tomorrow.
Silence. Richie slices the razor deeply, four times, along
his left forearm. Blood runs into the sink. He switches
hands with the razor and slashes his other wrist. He sits
down on the floor.
CUT TO:
The bathroom door slamming open. Dudley bursts into the
room. He looks horrified. The floor is flooded with water
and blood. Richie is slumped in the corner with shaving
cream all over his face.
Dudley screams hysterically.
MONTAGE:
Three paramedics race down a corridor pushing Richie on a
gurney. Raleigh and Dudley run beside him. They are covered
with blood.
Etheline hangs up the telephone and runs into the hallway.
She throws open the closet door and grabs her coat.
Chas, Ari and Uzi hold on as Anwar weaves the BMW in and out
of traffic. Buckley has his head out the window.
Margot bursts through the doors of the emergency room. She
looks around frantically. She sees Dudley. She sees blood
on him. She rushes over and grabs his arms.
MARGOT
Where is he, Dudley?
DUDLEY
(pause)
Who?
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY.
Everyone is gathered around Richie in his hospital bed. His
arms are covered with bandages. A doctor gives him an
injection and says to Etheline:
DOCTOR
He’ll probably sleep for several hours,
and then I’ll come back to check on him.
Etheline nods. She has tears all over her face. The doctor
leaves the room. Margot holds Richie’s hand.
MARGOT
How do you feel?
88.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RICHIE
Fine, thanks.
ETHELINE
Are you in any pain?
RICHIE
Not really.
CHAS
Why’d you try to kill yourself?
ETHELINE
Don’t press him right now.
RICHIE
I wrote a suicide note.
MARGOT
You did?
RICHIE
Yeah. Right after I regained
consciousness.
Everyone looks slightly confused.
CHAS
Can we read it?
RICHIE
No.
CHAS
Could you paraphrase it for us?
RICHIE
I don’t think so.
CHAS
Is it dark?
RICHIE
Of course it’s dark. It’s a suicide
note.
ETHELINE
All right. That’s enough. The doctor
said to let him sleep.
INT. WAITING AREA. DAY.
The corridor outside Richie’s room. Etheline fills out some
insurance forms. Ari and Uzi sit on Chas’ lap. Margot sits
next to Raleigh. Raleigh stares into space.
89.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RALEIGH
You’ve made a cuckold of me.
Everyone looks at Raleigh and Margot. Silence.
MARGOT
I know.
RALEIGH
Many times over.
MARGOT
I’m sorry.
RALEIGH
And you’ve nearly killed your poor
brother.
ETHELINE
What’s he talking about?
MARGOT
It doesn’t matter.
RALEIGH
She’s balling Eli Cash.
Everyone looks surprised and extremely uncomfortable.
ETHELINE
Oh, my goodness.
RALEIGH
May I have a cigarette?
MARGOT
What?
RALEIGH
Shall I repeat the question?
MARGOT
You don’t smoke.
RALEIGH
(bitterly)
I bloody well know that.
Raleigh stares at Margot in silence. Margot sighs. She
reaches into her pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes.
She gives one to Raleigh. He puts it in his mouth.
RALEIGH (CONT’D)
And a light, please?
Margot takes out some matches and lights Raleigh’s cigarette.
90.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RALEIGH (CONT’D)
Thank you.
Raleigh stands up and walks away, down the hall, out the
door. Silence. Margot lights a cigarette for herself.
Etheline looks disturbed.
ETHELINE
How long have you been a smoker?
MARGOT
(pause)
Twenty-two years.
ETHELINE
Well, I think you should quit.
Margot nods.
The door opens at the end of the hall. Henry Sherman comes
in. Etheline sees him and stands up. He goes over to her.
He starts to put on his glasses. As he unfolds them, he
unintentionally clamps them to his necktie and pulls his
necktie up to his temple. He says earnestly:
HENRY
How can I help?
Etheline begins to point to Henry’s necktie suspended near
his ear, but she hesitates. Henry senses something wrong in
his peripheral vision and looks confused. He swats at the
necktie, hurling his glasses off his face and on to the
floor.
Henry picks up his glasses and puts them back on. He looks
to Etheline with an embarrassed expression. Etheline puts
her arms around him. She hugs him tightly and starts to cry.
EXT. STREET. NIGHT.
Three hours later. A gypsy cab stops in front of the
hospital. Royal and Pagoda get out and walk quickly into the
building. They are both dressed in hotel elevator-operator
uniforms.
INT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT.
Royal speaks anxiously to a nurse at the registration desk.
Pagoda stands behind him.
ROYAL
Richie Tenenbaum, please.
NURSE
Your name?
91.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
Royal Tenenbaum.
The nurse looks down at her registration book. She frowns.
She looks back to Royal.
NURSE
I’m afraid visiting hours are over, sir.
ROYAL
(hesitates)
Why? What does it say there? They
don’t want me?
NURSE
I’m sorry. I have to refer you to Dr.
Burroughs. He’ll be in tomorrow
afternoon.
Silence.
EXT. SIDEWALK. NIGHT.
Royal and Pagoda stand in front of the hospital. Royal
points to the edge of the roof. He sounds desperate.
ROYAL
I think if we shimmy up that gutter and
jump across the window ledge we can pry
open the ventilation shaft and --
PAGODA
There he is, man.
Pagoda points to Richie waiting at the bus stop on the
corner. He is dressed in surgical scrubs and bedroom
slippers. His arms are covered with bandages. Royal looks
puzzled. A bus pulls over in front of Richie. The doors
open. Royal calls out:
ROYAL
Richie?
Richie looks to Royal and Pagoda. He sees their uniforms.
He hesitates.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Where’re you going?
Silence. Richie gets on the bus. Royal and Pagoda watch it
drive away. Royal looks very upset.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I have to say, he didn’t look half bad
for a suicide. Attempted suicide,
anyway.
92.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Pagoda nods. He puts his arm around Royal’s shoulder.
INT. BUS. NIGHT.
An old city busy with trash on the floor and graffiti spraypainted
on the walls. Richie sits in the back row and rides
downtown.
INT. BALLROOM. NIGHT.
The ballroom on the top floor of the Tenenbaum house. Richie
walks in and sees the lamp glowing inside his tent. Margot
calls out from inside.
MARGOT
Who’s there?
Richie does not respond.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
Hello?
Richie looks at the seventeen paintings of Margot hanging in
the corner. An unfinished eighteenth, with Margot slightly
older, leans against the wall. Richie goes to the tent at
the center of the room.
INT. TENT. NIGHT.
Richie looks into the tent. Margot is sitting on the floor
next to a record player smoking a cigarette. She has a
Rolling Stones record in her hand. She looks startled.
RICHIE
What are you doing in my tent?
MARGOT
(hesitates)
Just listening to some records.
Margot puts out her cigarette. She seems worried.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
I thought you were supposed to be in the
hospital.
RICHIE
I checked myself out.
MARGOT
Well, shouldn’t you be on some kind of
suicide watch or something?
RICHIE
(pause)
Probably.
93.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Richie goes into the tent and sits down Indian-style in front
of Margot. Margot sighs. She puts on the Rolling Stones
record. It plays quietly.
MARGOT
How many stitches did you get?
RICHIE
I don’t know. You want to see?
Margot nods. Richie unwraps one of his bandages. His arm is
covered with jagged, crisscrossing stitches and dried blood.
Margot looks stricken.
MARGOT
Jesus, Richie. That looks horrible.
Richie nods. He wraps the bandage back around his arm.
RICHIE
I heard about your ex-husband.
MARGOT
(pause)
Desmond?
RICHIE
(hesitates)
I guess so. I didn’t get his name.
MARGOT
Yeah. I met him in the ocean. I was
swimming, and he came out to me in a
canoe. We were only married for nine
days.
RICHIE
(nods)
And I heard about Eli.
MARGOT
(sighs)
I know. Poor Eli. Anyway, we mostly
just talked about you.
RICHIE
(surprised)
You did?
MARGOT
Yeah. I guess that was the attraction,
if you know what I mean.
Silence. Richie says quietly:
RICHIE
I have to tell you something.
94.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
MARGOT
What’s that?
RICHIE
I love you.
MARGOT
(sadly)
I love you, too.
Richie kisses Margot on the mouth, and she kisses him back.
She puts her hands on the back of his head. Richie pulls
away from her and looks into her eyes.
RICHIE
I can’t stop thinking about you. I went
away for a year, and it only got worse.
I don’t know what to do.
MARGOT
Let’s lie down for a minute.
Richie lies down on the cot. Margot looks at his Boy Scout
sleeping bag.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
This is the one we took to the museum,
isn’t it?
Richie nods. Margot sighs. She lies down next to Richie and
puts her arm around his shoulder. She smooths back his hair.
They listen to the music for a minute.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
Why’d you do it? Because of me?
RICHIE
Yeah, but it’s not your fault.
MARGOT
You’re not going to do it again, are
you?
RICHIE
(pause)
I doubt it.
Margot nods. She starts crying. She kisses Richie’s hand.
Richie looks worried. Margot gets up and goes out of the
tent. Richie sits alone for a minute. Margot looks back
into the tent.
MARGOT
I think we’re just going to have to be
secretly in love with each other and
leave it at that, Richie.
95.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
They look at each other for a long minute. Richie nods.
Margot turns away and goes out the tent.
Richie picks up the stack of books off the table next to his
cot. The book on top is Family of Geniuses. Then there are
Margot’s books, Raleigh’s book, Henry’s book and Eli’s book.
He spreads them out on the floor among his Matchbox cars and
tennis trophies. A dalmation mouse appears and crawls among
them. The record ends.
INSERT:
Page 230 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Eight.”
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
The next morning. Richie comes downstairs in his pajamas.
He carries the stuffed boar’s head. He hangs it on the wall
in its place.
INT. ELEVATOR. DAY.
The elevator at the Lindbergh Palace. Royal is dressed in
his elevator-operator uniform. He takes three well-dressed
businessmen down to the lobby. He looks exhausted and
depressed. The doors open. One of the businessmen hands
Royal a dollar as they walk out into the lobby.
ROYAL
Thank you, sir.
Royal sees Richie standing in front of the elevator. Royal
looks surprised. The doors of another elevator open. Pagoda
is the operator. Richie looks at him. Pagoda hesitates. He
waves to Richie. Richie waves back.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Going up?
Richie looks back to Royal. He nods. He steps into Royal’s
elevator.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
What floor?
RICHIE
It doesn’t matter.
Royal closes the doors and pulls a lever. The elevator goes
up. Royal stands with his back to Richie.
RICHIE (CONT’D)
So you’re elevator operators now.
ROYAL
Yeah. We just started, but we’ll get a
bump when we join the union.
96.
CONTINUED: (3)
(CONTINUED)
RICHIE
What made you decide to do that?
ROYAL
Well, we’re broke. But, in answer to
your question, I guess I’m trying to
prove I can pay my dues and what-not. I
just hope somebody knows.
Richie nods. Silence.
RICHIE
You asked me why I choked out there that
day.
Royal turns around quickly and looks to Richie. He nods.
RICHIE (CONT’D)
Well, I think I know the answer, and I
wanted your advice.
Royal looks surprised and moved. He says quietly:
ROYAL
Sure.
EXT. ROOF. DAY.
Royal and Richie stand on the edge of the roof, looking out
at the city. Silence.
ROYAL
Margot Tenenbaum?
RICHIE
Yeah.
ROYAL
Since when?
RICHIE
Since always.
ROYAL
Does she know?
RICHIE
Uh-huh.
ROYAL
And what’s her feeling about it?
RICHIE
I think she feels confused.
97.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
I can understand that. It’s probably
illegal.
RICHIE
I don’t think so. We’re not related by
blood.
ROYAL
(pause)
That’s true.
Silence. Royal nods.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
It’s still frowned upon, but then what
isn’t these days, right?
Richie nods. Royal shrugs.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I don’t know. Maybe it works. Why not?
Hell, you love each other, and nobody
knows what’s going to happen, so --
Royal stops short. His expression changes.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
You know what? Don’t listen to me. I
never understood her, myself. I never
understood any of us. I wish I knew
what to tell you, but I just don’t.
RICHIE
(pause)
That’s OK.
ROYAL
No, it’s not.
Royal looks very sad. He stares down at the ground. He
takes a deep breath. He says quietly:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Do you still consider me your father?
RICHIE
Sure, I do.
ROYAL
I wish I had a little more to offer in
that department.
RICHIE
I know you do, Pop.
Royal nods. He keeps looking down at the ground.
98.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
I don’t blame you, by the way.
Richie looks off into the distance. He frowns.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
She’s a great looking girl, and she’s
smart as a whip, and --
RICHIE
Mordecai?
Royal looks up. A falcon flies in a low circle around the
building. Royal and Richie watch as it lands on the railing
in front of them. Silence.
ROYAL
Holy shit.
Richie slowly reaches out to the falcon. He smooths out the
feathers on its neck and says softly:
RICHIE
You came back.
Royal looks up at the sky. He seems frightened.
ROYAL
Jiminy Cricket. He must have a goddamn
radar in his brain.
Richie frowns. He hesitates.
RICHIE
I’m not so sure this is Mordecai.
ROYAL
What do you mean? He flew right in
here.
RICHIE
Yeah, but now he has white feathers on
his neck.
Royal and Richie study the falcon. Richie seems uncertain.
ROYAL
Well, the son of a bitch must be
molting.
INT. ELEVATOR. DAY.
Richie and Royal ride down in the elevator. The falcon is
perched on Richie’s arm.
RICHIE
I need your help with something else.
99.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
(excitedly)
You got it. What’s the situation?
RICHIE
Well, I think --
ROYAL
Hang on.
Royal throws the lever on the elevator to full speed. It
accelerates and starts shaking violently. He yells into a
walkie-talkie:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Pagoda! Let’s hit it!
RICHIE
(hesitates)
I didn’t mean right this second.
INT. ELI’S STUDY. DAY.
Eli sits on the couch in his study working on a jigsaw puzzle
of the Beatles crossing Abbey Road. Three Egyptian men are
chopping up yellow powder on the table. Electronic music
blasts form the stereo.
There is a knock on the door. Everyone looks up. Silence.
ELI
Yes?
The door opens and Richie looks inside. Eli and the Egyptian
men stare at Richie. Eli has yellow powder on his nose. He
says awkwardly:
ELI (CONT’D)
Hey, Richie.
Richie walks into the room. Royal and Pagoda follow him.
They are dressed in their elevator-operator uniforms. Eli
looks confused and uneasy.
RICHIE
We want to take you to get some help.
ELI
(pause)
Is it just you guys?
Richie looks slightly confused.
ELI (CONT’D)
I guess Margot and your mother couldn’t
make it.
100.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Eli looks disappointed. He sees the bandages around Richie’s
arms.
ELI (CONT’D)
What happened there?
RICHIE
(hesitates)
Nothing.
Royal looks to the Egyptian men.
ROYAL
Would you excuse us, please?
The Egyptian men hesitate. Pagoda points to the door. The
Egyptian men leave the room.
RICHIE
Where’s Sabrina?
ELI
(pause)
They went back to England.
Richie nods. He sits down next to Eli. Royal and Pagoda sit
across from them.
RICHIE
Are we still friends?
Eli seems embarrassed and hurt.
ELI
What do you mean?
RICHIE
Are we?
ELI
Of course. I can’t believe you would
ask me that.
RICHIE
It doesn’t matter. I heard about you
and Margot.
Silence. Eli gets up and goes over to the window. He looks
out at the backyard. Richie goes over and stands next to
him. Eli looks deeply depressed.
ELI
I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.
RICHIE
You don’t have to say anything.
101.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
ELI
I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you
know?
Richie nods. Eli looks to Royal. Royal nods and says
quietly:
ROYAL
Me, too. Me, too.
ELI
But it doesn’t mean what it used to,
does it?
Richie shakes his head. Eli opens the window, reaches out,
and picks a dead leaf off a branch of a tree. He looks to
Richie.
ELI (CONT’D)
I wish you’d’ve done this for me when I
was a kid.
RICHIE
(pause)
But you didn’t have a drug problem then.
ELI
Yeah, but it still would’ve meant a lot
to me. Anyway, I really appreciate your
coming over here now. I do recognize
that I have a problem, and I want to get
better. Let me just get my things.
Eli goes into the bathroom and locks the door. Pagoda goes
over to the window and looks out.
He sees Eli running down the fire escape.
PAGODA
There he goes.
Royal and Richie rush over to the window. They watch Eli
drop to the ground, run into the street, and hail a taxi. He
has on socks but no shoes.
INT. ICE-CREAM PARLOR. DAY.
A room decorated like a birthday cake. Every booth is filled
with divorced fathers and their young daughters. Margot sits
across from Royal. Royal is dressed in his elevator-operator
uniform. A waiter stands next to him.
ROYAL
I want to order some ice cream for my
daughter, please. What would you like,
Margot?
102.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
MARGOT
I told you. Nothing. I only have five
min

[Black Lazerus]

ROYAL (CONT’D)
I love you, Etheline. And
congratulations, both of you.
Royal looks to Henry. He turns back to Etheline.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I didn’t think so much of him at first,
but now I get it. He’s everything I’m
not.
(CONTINUED)
Royal smiles. He turns away suddenly, runs to the bus, and
jumps inside. He looks back to Etheline. He yells:
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Take back Pagoda, will you?
Etheline hesitates. She nods. The door closes. Etheline
and Henry stand watching with Sanchez.
INT. ELI’S CAR. NIGHT.
Eli drives through a tunnel at top speed in the middle of the
night. He has on sunglasses, and he is covered with grass
and dirt. Electronic music blasts from the stereo. He looks
lost and sad.
CUT TO:
Page 258. It says “Chapter Nine.”
INSERT:
An invitation to Etheline’s and Henry’s wedding at the house
on Archer Avenue. It is nearly identical to the invitation
on the cover of the first edition of The Royal Tenenbaums.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Ari, Uzi and Pagoda stand in front of the house with Buckley,
receiving the wedding guests. They help people out of their
cars, give them programs for the ceremony, and direct them to
the front door.
There are about fifty guests. Half of them are black and
half are white. The members of the wedding party are dressed
in morning suits.
Royal and Dusty get out of a gypsy cab. Royal smiles at Ari
and Uzi. He hugs Pagoda and kisses Ari and Uzi on the tops
of their heads. He looks around. He whispers:
ROYAL
I got you some jawbreakers.
Royal slips Ari and Uzi each a large purple-and-green-striped
jawbreaker. They hide them in their jackets.
INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY.
A twenty-one-year-old black Navy midshipman helps Henry
finish tying his bow tie. The midshipman is Walter. Henry
studies his tie in the mirror.
HENRY
It’s slightly uneven.
106.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
Henry unties his knot and starts from scratch. Richie cracks
open the door and looks into the room.
RICHIE
Henry?
Henry looks to the door.
HENRY
Hello, Richie. This is my son, Walter
Sherman.
Richie comes into the room. He and Walter shake hands.
RICHIE
Nice to meet you, Walter.
WALTER
Nice to meet you.
CHAS
Henry’s your dad?
Chas is standing in the doorway. Walter hesitates. He nods.
Chas looks to Henry.
CHAS (CONT’D)
So you’ve been married before?
HENRY
Yes. I’m a widower.
CHAS
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
(pause)
You know, I’m a widower myself.
HENRY
I know you are, Chas.
INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM. DAY.
Margot looks out the window at the guests arriving on the
street while Etheline finishes her make-up. Margot has a
white plastic inhaler in her mouth.
ETHELINE
What are you chewing on?
MARGOT
My nicotine inhaler. It’s supposed to
help me quit.
ETHELINE
Is it working?
107.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
MARGOT
Not really.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Ari and Uzi tie Buckley’s leash around a pole in front of the
house. Royal and a very small Irish priest stand together at
the top of the steps.
ROYAL
Well, of course, I’m half Hebrew, but
the children are three-quarters Mick-
Catholic.
PRIEST
(nods)
So they were raised in the church.
ROYAL
(pause)
I believe so. I really don’t know.
A car’s tires squeal around the corner. Royal and the priest
look down the block. Eli’s convertible skids through the
turn on to Archer Avenue. Royal and the priest frown.
INT. ELI’S CAR. DAY.
Eli’s face is covered with Apache warpaint. He is dressed in
a morning suit. He wears a distracted smile. He downshifts,
accelerates, and steers toward the Tenenbaum house. He
whispers:
ELI
Here I come.
CUT TO:
Ari, Uzi and Buckley watching frozen as Eli’s car races
toward them. Royal looks panicked. He looks to Ari and Uzi
and hollers:
ROYAL
Boys!
Royal jumps down the stairs.
INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM. DAY.
There is a tremendous crashing boom and the sound of
shattering glass. Etheline rushes over next to Margot at the
window.
ETHELINE
What was that?
108.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
MARGOT
Eli just crashed his car into the front
of the house.
ETHELINE
Oh, my God.
INT. STAIRWELL. DAY.
Chas sprints down the stairs three at a time. He falls and
bangs against the wall. He gets back up and keeps running.
INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY.
Eli sits on the floor, barefoot, covered in glass and debris.
He is bleeding from a head wound. Three dalmation mice dart
around the room in confusion. Several guests help Eli
stagger to his feet. They look alarmed at his appearance,
particularly the warpaint.
ELI
Where are my shoes?
Dudley finds one of Eli’s shoes in the fireplace. He hands
it to Eli. Eli puts it on.
EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY.
The wedding guests quickly begin to come out the front door
and gather around the smashed car. There is also a crushed
mailbox, and mail is scattered all over the sidewalk. The
lighter airmail envelopes drift about in the wind. Chas runs
down the steps. He yells:
CHAS
Where are you?
Royal and Richie stand up among the rubble. Royal holds Ari
under one arm and Uzi under the other. He sets them down.
Chas runs over to them.
ROYAL
They’re OK, Chas.
Chas grabs Ari and Uzi. He examines them.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
It’s OK. They’re safe.
ARI
Dad, they ran over Buckley.
CHAS
What?
109.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
Chas looks to Royal. Royal nods. He turns to the wreckage.
Buckley’s leash remains tied to the railing and extends taut
beneath the wheels of Eli’s car.
ROYAL
I think we lost Buckley.
Ari and Uzi start to cry. Richie brushes some debris off
Uzi’s hair. He looks to Chas and points to Royal.
RICHIE
He saved them. Kind of.
Chas looks to Richie. He says blankly:
CHAS
He did?
Richie nods. Chas looks to Royal. Royal shrugs. Eli
appears in the broken front window of the home.
ELI
Did I hit anybody?
Everyone looks to Eli.
ELI (CONT’D)
Is everybody okay?
Eli sees Chas staring at him. Eli hesitates. He darts away
from the window. Chas bolts up the steps, banging his way
through the crowd.
ROYAL
Chas! Wait!
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
Chas bursts into the house. He screams:
CHAS
Eli!
The guests panic as Eli jumps over a couch, knocks over a
chair, and ducks into the kitchen.
INT. KITCHEN. DAY.
Pagoda looks up from a tray of canapes he is preparing. He
does not appear to notice Eli’s strange appearance and
injuries. He holds one of the canapes to him.
PAGODA
This is the quail’s egg.
Eli takes it quickly. Chas smashes open the door. Eli bodychecks
him and breaks out of the room.
110.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
They slam past the priest and knock him down the basement
stairs. The wedding guests scream and yell and try to break
it up or get away.
Eli slips out the back door and sprints into the garden.
EXT. BACKYARD. DAY.
Eli runs to the back wall and tries the gate. It is locked.
Chas tackles him hard. Chas grabs him by the arm, swings him
around, and slams him against the wall. Eli yells. People
rush into the backyard. Richie runs outside.
RICHIE
Chas! Don’t!
Richie tries to pull Chas off Eli. Chas elbows Richie in the
face. Richie falls backwards into the bushes. Chas picks up
Eli and tries to throw him over the wall. Eli scratches and
clutches.
ELI
Help! Please!
Chas yells insanely. He throws Eli over the wall. He turns
to everyone watching him. They look stunned. Chas breathes
heavily. Richie sits up in the bushes. He has his hand over
his eye.
RICHIE
Chas?
Chas hesitates. He climbs over the wall.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S YARD. DAY.
Chas lands in a Zen garden, next to Eli. Eli is stretched
out on his back. He and Chas look at each other. Chas lies
down on the ground. He seems drained. It is very quiet.
They both stare up at the sky. There are bonsai trees all
around them.
ELI
Did I hit the dog?
CHAS
Yeah.
ELI
(pause)
Is he dead?
CHAS
Yeah.
ELI
(pause)
I need help.
111.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
CHAS
So do I.
Walter looks over the top of the wall, down at Chas and Eli.
He looks back behind him and yells to someone:
WALTER
Go around to the other side!
EXT. EMBASSY. DAY.
Henry and Royal run around the corner and up the steps of a
neighbor’s house. A plaque next to the front door says
“Residence of the Japanese Ambassador.” Royal knocks. They
wait. Royal looks to Henry. He says suddenly:
ROYAL
Can I say something to you, Henry?
Henry looks to Royal.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
I’ve been considered an asshole for
about as long as I can remember. That’s
just my style. But I’d feel pretty blue
if I didn’t think you were going to
forgive me.
Henry nods. He says gently:
HENRY
I don’t think you’re an asshole, Royal.
You’re just a kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal seems genuinely moved by this remark.
ROYAL
Well, I appreciate that.
The door opens. A small Asian woman in a kimono looks out at
them.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Can we get into your backyard, ma’am?
We got a couple of boys out there.
EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY.
There are two police cars, an ambulance, a tow-truck and a
fire engine in front of the house. Raleigh and two
paramedics roll the priest on a gurney. Raleigh holds the
priest’s hand.
PARAMEDIC
I think he may’ve broken his ankle.
112.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
RALEIGH
That’s not terribly serious, is it?
(to the priest)
Do you have an alternative?
The priest shakes his head.
Eli is being questioned by a police officer. His warpaint is
smeared, and there are several bandages on his head and arms.
He looks very upset.
ELI
At which point I apparently lost control
of the vehicle, smashed it into the
house, and killed that poor dog.
The police officer studies Eli’s driver’s license.
POLICE OFFICER
You’re Eli Cash.
ELI
(pause)
I am, indeed.
POLICE OFFICER
I love your work.
ELI
(touched)
How sweet of you to say so.
Royal stands among a group of firemen with a dalmation.
ROYAL
I think he’s part mutt. What kind of
papers you got for him?
One of the firemen shrugs. Royal points at the dalmation.
ROYAL (CONT’D)
Sparkplug. Sit.
The dalmation sits. Royal looks impressed.
Dusty stands with Richie on the sidewalk and examines his
eye. It is scratched badly and looks terrible.
DUSTY
Can you see out of it?
Richie covers his good eye to test his bad eye.
RICHIE
Not really.
113.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
DUSTY
Uh-huh. Minor corneal damage. Page me
if it spreads to the other eye.
Raleigh and Dudley stand next to each other wearing firemen’s
helmets. Dudley laughs crazily.
RALEIGH
What’s so funny, Dudley?
DUDLEY
You look great!
Henry and Walter survey the scene from the smashed-out living
room window. Walter points to the rubble.
WALTER
But these aren’t structure-bearing
elements, Dad.
HENRY
It doesn’t matter. It’s still best to
file under force majeure and recoup the
deductible.
Ari and Uzi try to look at Buckley under Eli’s car as several
firemen and tow-truck drivers attach straps and chains to the
wheels and axle. Etheline goes over to them.
ETHELINE
You boys come over here with me.
ARI
But Buckley’s still under there.
ETHELINE
I know, but there’s nothing we can do
for him, at the moment.
Royal takes the dalmation over to Chas.
ROYAL
I got you a new dog for the boys.
Chas looks at the dalmation. He looks back to Royal.
CHAS
What’s this?
ROYAL
I just bought him.
CHAS
You did?
Royal nods. Silence.
114.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)
ROYAL
I’m sorry I let you down, Chas. All of
you. I’ve been trying to make it up to
you.
Royal holds out the leash. Chas hesitates. He takes it.
CHAS
What’s his name?
ROYAL
(quietly)
Sparkplug.
CHAS
Thank you.
ROYAL
You’re welcome.
Chas suddenly starts crying. He stares at the ground.
CHAS
We’ve had a rough year, Dad.
ROYAL
I know you have, Chassie.
Royal puts his hand on Chas’ head. Chas looks to Royal and
takes a deep breath. He nods. Royal watches as Chas takes
the dalmation over to Ari and Uzi and talks to them quietly
for a minute.
Uzi pets the dalmation. Ari takes the leash. Etheline looks
to Royal. Royal looks back at her. Etheline smiles sadly.
EXT. ROOF. DAY.
Richie and Margot sit near the edge of the roof, next to the
falcon in its coop. Richie has an ice pack over his eye. He
brushes his hand against the white feathers on the falcon’s
neck.
MARGOT
I wonder what happened to him.
RICHIE
I don’t know.
(pause)
Sometimes when people have a traumatic
experience, their hair turns white.
Silence. Margot says quietly:
MARGOT
Well, I’m sure he’ll get over it.
115.
CONTINUED: (3)
(CONTINUED)
Richie nods. Margot looks at him for a minute. She takes
her inhaler out of her mouth and puts it in her pocket. She
turns and looks at the top of the chimney. She pulls out a
loose brick. She reaches behind it and takes out a pack of
cigarettes and a matchbook. She looks to Richie. She points
at the chimney.
MARGOT (CONT’D)
This was one of my first hiding places.
Richie studies the pack of cigarettes. It is still sealed,
but the wrapper has faded.
RICHIE
How old you think those are?
Margot opens the pack, takes out a cigarette, puts it in her
mouth, and lights it. She takes a puff.
MARGOT
I’d say about ten years.
Richie nods. Margot offers him a cigarette. He takes it,
and she lights it. Margot puts her arm around Richie’s
shoulder, and they smoke their stale cigarettes together.
EXT. GARDEN. DAY.
Ari, Uzi and Chas watch Royal throw dirt on to a grave in the
backyard. They have tears in their eyes. The dalmation sits
on the ground next to them.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Royal dug a hole for Buckley behind the
garden shed, and buried him in a canvas
duffle bag.
Chas hands Royal a bottle of scotch, and Royal takes a drink.
ROYAL
All right, boys. Say a prayer --
Ari begins, with a jawbreaker in his mouth:
ARI
Dear Heavenly Father --
INT. OFFICE. DAY.
Henry and Etheline stand side by side in front of a judge in
a small office with green carpet and an exercise bicycle.
Henry has his left hand raised and his right hand on a bible.
HENRY
So help me God.
116.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
The judge extends the Bible to Etheline. She puts her hand
on it.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Etheline and Henry were married fortyeight
hours later, in judge’s chambers.
INT. THEATRE. NIGHT.
A stage-set for a play that appears to take place in a
network of tree houses on a tropical island. A father
introduces his daughter to a group of native tribesmen.
FATHER
This is my adopted daughter, Elaine
Levinson.
The house is sold out. Royal sits in the front row with the
other Tenenbaums. He laughs quietly and shakes his head.
The rest of the audience is silent.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Margot’s new play, The Levinsons in the
Trees, was produced at the Cavendish
Theatre.
CUT TO:
Margot standing alone outside the theatre, under the marquee,
smoking a cigarette.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
It ran for just under two weeks and
received mixed reviews.
INT. AUDITORIUM. DAY.
Brooks College. Raleigh and Dudley sit onstage at a table in
front of an audience of doctors and medical students.
Raleigh takes a question.
MEDICAL STUDENT
Can he tell time?
RALEIGH
Oh, my Lord, no.
Dudley shakes his head emphatically.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Raleigh and Dudley went on a lecture
tour to eleven universities in the
promotion of their new book.
INSERT:
117.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
A copy of Raleigh’s new book, Dudley’s World. On the dust
jacket there is a yearbook photograph of Dudley with his
Henry Aaron-style glasses flipped up. His expression is
almost impossibly blank.
EXT. HOSPITAL. DAY.
A resort compound on the high plains. Eli practices with a
lasso in front of several young addicts. He has stitches on
his forehead.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Eli checked himself into a
rehabilitation hospital in North Dakota.
A tall, skinny, Native American man in his late forties walks
over to Eli. He and Eli are dressed in matching deerskin
jackets. Eli points to him.
ELI
This is my sponsor, Runs with Two
Horses.
INT. 375TH STREET Y ROOFTOP. DAY.
A concrete tennis court with a chain-link net. Ari, Uzi and
a group of children dressed in tennis clothes watch as Richie
demonstrates the continental style of grip to them. Richie
has a white gauze patch taped over his eye.
RICHIE
Rod Laver used it. You know who Laver
is?
Uzi steps up to the service line. He bounces a ball and gets
ready to serve.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Richie started a programme teaching
competitive tennis to eight- to twelveyear-
olds at the 375th Street Y.
Uzi hits a fast serve to Richie’s forehand. Richie fires his
return full-speed straight down the line. Uzi watches it
race past him.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Royal, Chas, Ari and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding
garbage truck. They are all laughing.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Royal had a heart attack at the age of
sixty-eight.
118.
CONTINUED:
INT. AMBULANCE. DAY.
Royal is strapped on to a gurney with tubes sticking out of
his arms and an oxygen mask on his face. Chas sits beside
him, holding his hand. The ambulance races full-speed up the
wrong side of the street.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Chas rode with him in the ambulance, and
was the only witness to his father’s
death.
Royal appears to be smiling underneath his oxygen mask. He
looks up at Chas. Chas puts his hand on Royal’s cheek.
Royal closes his eyes.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
In his will, he stipulated that his
funeral take place at dusk.
INSERT:
Page 275 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Epilogue.”
EXT. CEMETERY. DAY.
Snow falls lightly, and the sky is getting dark. Everyone in
the family is gathered around as Chas, Richie, Henry,
Raleigh, Eli, Dusty and Pagoda lower the casket. They are
all bundled up in coats and scarves. They step away from the
grave.
Henry stands next to Etheline. She takes his arm. Pagoda
wears Royal’s sunglasses. Tears stream down his face. Dusty
stands beside him. Margot has her arm around Richie’s
shoulder. She smokes a cigarette. Raleigh stands next to
Dudley. Eli stands next to Walter. The priest is on
crutches.
Chas looks to Ari and Uzi standing a few yards away. He
nods. Ari and Uzi fire several shots into the air with Chas’
and Royal’s old BB guns.
Royal’s gravestone sits in a wheelbarrow next to a pile of
dirt. It reads “Royal O’Reilly Tenenbaum (1932-2001).”
Epitaph: “Died tragically rescuing his family from the
wreckage of a destroyed sinking battleship.” The priest sees
this and hesitates. He looks puzzled. He smiles slightly.
Richie throws a white flower into the grave. They all stand
in silence for a minute before they turn away and walk to
their waiting car.
-- THE END --
119.

[GreasyItalianPrincess]

Oh, that's right. We got another body buried here.

[Lush]

Someone was bored

[GreasyItalianPrincess]

Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

[Lush]

That's cheating

All the quotes are there

[GreasyItalianPrincess]

Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.