Bar-Fly HumoUr

[The Brain]

<b>A guy walks into a bar with an octopus, and says, "I'll bet fifty bucks that my octopus can play any instrument."
The bartender hands the octopus a guitar, and the octopus plays it, so the guy hands the bartender fifty bucks. The manager hands the octopus a trumpet, and the octopus plays it, so the manager hands the guy fifty bucks. The waitress hands the octopus a set of bagpipes...the octopus fumbles with it for a minute, and then he sets it down.
She says, "Hah! Can't you play it?"
The octopus says "Play it? As soon as I figure out how to get these pajamas off it, I'm gonna fuck it." </b>
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<b>A guy is at the bar when a big truck driver steps up next to him, takes the guy's drink, and gulps it down. The guy starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on, man, I was just fucking around. Hey, I'll buy you another drink. For Christ sakes, don't cry."
The guy says, "You don't understand the kind of day I'm having. I wake up to a note that says my thirteen-year-old daughter is pregnant, and she doesn't know who the father is. When I get to my office, my boss fires me. I get to the parking lot to find my car is stolen. I get a cab home, and when I get there, I remember my wallet is back in my desk at work. The cabbie doesn't believe me, and beats the shit out of me. When I go in the house, I find my wife sucking my brother's cock. So I come to this bar, and just when I'm about to end it all, you show up and drink my poison."</b>