04-20-2005, 06:45 PM
04-20-2005, 07:38 PM
you soooo would have pwned that Lion in SOCOM.
04-20-2005, 07:38 PM
That fucking lagging ass lion!!!!
04-20-2005, 07:42 PM
I blame the Sony servers.
04-20-2005, 08:11 PM
I blame those fucking rank upping hyenas.
04-20-2005, 08:49 PM
goddamn spawn campers!!!
04-20-2005, 08:51 PM
You keep playing like this, and theyre gonna tell you theres a planet for you.
04-20-2005, 08:54 PM
nah, they know it's not for me - I'm on too many places as it is.
04-21-2005, 01:10 PM
according to my calculations, which are often wrong, Galt left for this trip yesterday?
04-21-2005, 01:12 PM
seems about right
04-21-2005, 03:54 PM
GODSPEED GALT!!!
04-21-2005, 05:42 PM
Odds that he returns without some rare jungle disease?
05-02-2005, 10:19 PM
Germany
• All the roads in Germany have at least 15 letters in their name, and they randomly throw in greek letters for some reason. So you’ll be standing at the intersection of Konstaβlerwache and Schαffer Gµsse Elfantëgωn
• In the US, the sodas on the menu will be always something like: Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, and Barq’s. In Germany (and South Africa too), it’s Coke, Tab, and Fanta. Pepsi gets no love. Tab is just Caffine Free Diet Coke. Why keep the brand extension some places and not others? Tab died out here with Marty McFly. Fanta? I defy you to find Fanta in this country anymore.
• For the same reason I drank wine in South Africa, I figured I’d sample some beers in Germany. I googled a bit before I left and asked some of the bartenders as well, and the two I came across most were “applewine” and “rodner”. Cider Jack must have stolen the recipe for applewine because it tastes just like his Hard Cider. Roder was amazing. I had one glass and I was hooked. It was the best beer, I’d ever had. So the next bar, I walk up to the bartender and lay my german upon him. “Kann ich bitte rodner haben?” He fills the mug about 80% of the way with some beer, and then cracks open a Fanta and fills in the rest of the 20%. I was shocked. Luckily there was some dude there who spoke English and was saying that the way they make it. They also have “dirty beer” which is beer with coke, and have another one with beer and sprite. The point, if you want to wow your friends with an amazingly different and “authentic” German beer, find some Fanta.
• Smart cars are tiny. They are about the length of my wingspan
• Frankfurt is a boring city. It’s German equivalent of Pittsburg
South Africa
• It’s like a sociology class in South Africa. Super rich people live in mansions a stone’s through from a hundred thousand people in a shanty town. Is there any wonder why the crime rate is insane? They need emulate America and do a better job of keeping the rich and poor geographically separate. Criminals are criminals because they are poor. Poor people are poor because they are too lazy to work. So poor people will rob and kill what’s close and easy. Keep them all herded together and miles away from the rich and they only hurt each other. Everyone wins. America Fu@k yeah!
• Their water drains backwards. It goes counter clockwise. Freaked me the hell out.
• Black Africans are REALLY black
• Most everyone there speaks both English and Afrikaans (which is a like a German/English hybrid). South African chicks speaking English are so insanely hot. They have the hottest accent. I think even better than Australians. Every girl gets a 2 point boost just because of their accent. You take the exact same girl and have her speak Afrikaans, and she’s disgusting. It is such a gross sounding language.
• 30% of people in South Africa have AIDS.
• I am immune to Ambien. 20MG and 28 straight hours of no sleep and I still can’t fall asleep.
• Pop Culture-wise, it’s like jumping in a time machine. The Texas Tuxedo count was simply amazing. I’d forgotten that anyone actually wore jeans with a jean jacket. And the soundtrack is a slowjam 80s mix. Eurythmics, The Thompson Twins, that “Somebody’s Watchin’ Me” song. It was amazing. Even the 80s weekend radio shows don’t play the crap I heard down there. And it was in three different airports in SA, and virtually store I went in. It’s like one guy is selling the same CD all over the country and making millions.
• The water pressure in the shower in that country is amazing. All of them are like that elephant showerhead that Kramer got on Seinfeld.
• My doctor is an idiot. She got me all paranoid about the water in South Africa (YES, EVEN CAPETOWN!!!!!!) basically telling me that if I touch anything that isn’t cooked or boiled, I’ll die. I wasn’t supposed to have anything that has touched water in that country. I could only drink stuff in bottles of brands I was familiar with. So I order Coke Lights or bottled water. And guess what? IT’S ALL BOTTLED IN SOUTH AFRICA! I didn’t find this out for a couple days, and then I figured, when she’s a dumb whore and so I’m going to just drink the water. I realized that you aren’t supposed to drink water in Mexico either, but we drink Corona all the time. I was fine.
• One immodium will cause my brother to not shit for 8 days.
Capetown
• Capetown geography has a very eclectic look. There are some areas where it looks like you’re in Long St. looks like Manhattan, V&A Waterfront looks like San Diego, others look like Martha’s Vineyard, Hawaii, and Arizona
• The nightlife is lame. All I heard about was the crazy nightlife there, blah blah blah. Maybe I’m used to New York, but when you walk around the city on Friday and Saturday nights and hear crickets on the main strips, it’s not a good sign. The bars at the two “hot” spots of Long St, and V&A Waterfront, look like what bars in Boston and New York look on early weeknight evenings. I was shocked. I stayed out until 2 both nights just assuming something would eventually happen. Alas, bubkes
• Speaking of crickets, cricket is easily the most confusing sport ever. It was all that was on down there at bars, and so I would watch it all night and try and pick up the rules. It’s like watching a group of 5 year olds play a game and make up rules as they go along, but somehow they all understand it.
• Cow is the best meat. I spent the last week and a half eating every game meat known to man, and they were all just cheap knock-offs compared that lovely bovine. They are all too lean or too fatty or don’t have taste. Crocodile is cool though. It’s like a mix of chicken and beef flavorwise, so it’s something different.
• The South African Rand has gained power vs. the dollar over the last couple years, but you can still get damn good deals. The biggest, most expensive steak, at the swankiest eateries in Capetown will run you about $10-$15. I must have eaten two pounds of steak a day.
• Best thing about Capetown: Their French Fries. I don’t know what they do, but every place had AMAZING fries.
• M6 from Capetown down to Cape Point is better than PCH
• Sharks that are 10-15 feet long, look like 5 feet of it is mouth. It’s just giant. And jagged teeth
• Sharks beat the hell out of each other apparently. They are all have nicks and cuts and gauges in their skin. Since no other fish is going to mess with them, they must have Ultimate Fighting between them, because everyone one that I saw was cut up all to hell
• The best times to see Capetown and go on safari in South Africa are pretty much on opposite sides of the year (hot, rainy season is best for Capetown, while the dry season is best for game viewing) and so Murphy’s Law will dictate that when I choose a time when that’s between them both, the day that I go shark diving, will be 40 degrees, raining, and have 10-15 foot seas, while also raining on my safari.
• Segways are really friggin cool. After you’ve been on one for about 10 minutes, it’s almost impossible to screw it up. You could rent them for an hour for $25 there. This should be a business in New York. Cesar, you’re looking for something. Buy about 10 Segways and sell tours of Central Park on the weekends.
Safari
• I’m so glad I did the safari I did. Half of it was having a guide drive us around the park, and half was having two armed rangers walk around the park. When being driven, we drove almost exclusively in areas that aren’t available to the public. About 10% of it was on the public roads. And if you do happen to see an animal, you’re in a line with 5 other cars, and invariably there’s going to be someone screaming at the animal to get its attention, which just scares them off.
• I have horrible eyes, but great ears.
• When you are driving looking for animals, everything looks like an animal.
• When you are walking around looking for animals, and you walk close enough to flush out a couple birds, that first split second when the bird flys away makes your heard stop. No matter how many times it happens, you don’t get immune to it within a week.
• The temperature shifts there SUCK. It’s 40 at night and 85 during the day. When you are walking around all day, you either freeze your ass off in the morning, sweat to death in the afternoon, or lug around a giant bag for all your extra clothes.
• I’ve been living in the big city for decade now, and so birds chirping at all hours of the night really messes with my sleep patterns. Dump trucks, police sirens, people screaming, none of it bothers me. But when a bird chirps, it keeps me awake. I though that the crows in Cape Cod were my least favorite bird. No, no no. There’s this Franklin somethingorother in South Africa that shrieks like a fire alarm starting at about 1 in the morning. And there are 500 of them around every camp.
• “‘Pristine bush’ is bush that’s never been touched by man” – my guide the first 20 minutes into the safari (my response = “tee hee hee”)
• Impala get annoying after you see a billion of them.
• Girl hyenas have monster clits
• Leopards don’t actually have spots
• Black rhino and white rhino are the exact same color (gray)
• The sound of a lion roar travels 4-5 miles
• When a lion roars from 15 feet away from you, you can feel it through your entire body, I think it even made the car shake
• Hippos mouths look like giant vaginas when they yawn. Hippos also have summer teeth something fierce.
• Impala have really pink wangs, and when they mate, it only takes 5 seconds.
• Getting out of the jeep and taking my first few steps on the “walking” safari was the biggest adrenaline rush I’ve ever had. Skydiving is nothing. Every step I took for three hours, I was sure that some lion was going to jump out from the bush in front of me, or worse, was just stalking me from behind the whole time.
• That I actually paid someone money to intentionally track lions, so that we, on foot mind you, could get as close to them as possible. To put it mildly, I was feeling uncomfortable.
• When I am nervous my stomach growls, but at this point we knew we were VERY CLOSE to the lion I was so in a zone looking out for this lion we knew was very close that I wasn’t sure if I actually growled or if it was a lion. So my brother turned back pale as a ghost, and whispered angrily “DID YOUR STOMACH JUST GROWL?” and I just said “I think so, but I’m not sure”
• When a lone lion kills something and wants to savor it, they disembowel the animal and bury the guts (since that’s what causes the smell and attracts the scavengers) and drags the carcass a couple hundred feet away to eat it in some shade and not get bothered by the hyenas and vultures that are attracted by the smell.
• Lions get really upset if you grab the carcass of their kill and move it to a better location so you can take pictures.
• Dead Kudu weighs a lot
• When you’ve already scared a lion away and messed with a its kill once, and then you go back 6 hours later to see how much he has eaten, but he’s actually moved it, but you find it again, but he doesn’t leave this time, and just hides behind a tree and watches you walk toward the carcass, and when you’re 15 feet away from him, he jumps out and roars, it’s umm jarring.
• I really appreciate the two rifle-toting bushmen leading us through this little endeavor. They had those rifles cocked and pointed at the lion in a pubicsecond
• All the roads in Germany have at least 15 letters in their name, and they randomly throw in greek letters for some reason. So you’ll be standing at the intersection of Konstaβlerwache and Schαffer Gµsse Elfantëgωn
• In the US, the sodas on the menu will be always something like: Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, and Barq’s. In Germany (and South Africa too), it’s Coke, Tab, and Fanta. Pepsi gets no love. Tab is just Caffine Free Diet Coke. Why keep the brand extension some places and not others? Tab died out here with Marty McFly. Fanta? I defy you to find Fanta in this country anymore.
• For the same reason I drank wine in South Africa, I figured I’d sample some beers in Germany. I googled a bit before I left and asked some of the bartenders as well, and the two I came across most were “applewine” and “rodner”. Cider Jack must have stolen the recipe for applewine because it tastes just like his Hard Cider. Roder was amazing. I had one glass and I was hooked. It was the best beer, I’d ever had. So the next bar, I walk up to the bartender and lay my german upon him. “Kann ich bitte rodner haben?” He fills the mug about 80% of the way with some beer, and then cracks open a Fanta and fills in the rest of the 20%. I was shocked. Luckily there was some dude there who spoke English and was saying that the way they make it. They also have “dirty beer” which is beer with coke, and have another one with beer and sprite. The point, if you want to wow your friends with an amazingly different and “authentic” German beer, find some Fanta.
• Smart cars are tiny. They are about the length of my wingspan
• Frankfurt is a boring city. It’s German equivalent of Pittsburg
South Africa
• It’s like a sociology class in South Africa. Super rich people live in mansions a stone’s through from a hundred thousand people in a shanty town. Is there any wonder why the crime rate is insane? They need emulate America and do a better job of keeping the rich and poor geographically separate. Criminals are criminals because they are poor. Poor people are poor because they are too lazy to work. So poor people will rob and kill what’s close and easy. Keep them all herded together and miles away from the rich and they only hurt each other. Everyone wins. America Fu@k yeah!
• Their water drains backwards. It goes counter clockwise. Freaked me the hell out.
• Black Africans are REALLY black
• Most everyone there speaks both English and Afrikaans (which is a like a German/English hybrid). South African chicks speaking English are so insanely hot. They have the hottest accent. I think even better than Australians. Every girl gets a 2 point boost just because of their accent. You take the exact same girl and have her speak Afrikaans, and she’s disgusting. It is such a gross sounding language.
• 30% of people in South Africa have AIDS.
• I am immune to Ambien. 20MG and 28 straight hours of no sleep and I still can’t fall asleep.
• Pop Culture-wise, it’s like jumping in a time machine. The Texas Tuxedo count was simply amazing. I’d forgotten that anyone actually wore jeans with a jean jacket. And the soundtrack is a slowjam 80s mix. Eurythmics, The Thompson Twins, that “Somebody’s Watchin’ Me” song. It was amazing. Even the 80s weekend radio shows don’t play the crap I heard down there. And it was in three different airports in SA, and virtually store I went in. It’s like one guy is selling the same CD all over the country and making millions.
• The water pressure in the shower in that country is amazing. All of them are like that elephant showerhead that Kramer got on Seinfeld.
• My doctor is an idiot. She got me all paranoid about the water in South Africa (YES, EVEN CAPETOWN!!!!!!) basically telling me that if I touch anything that isn’t cooked or boiled, I’ll die. I wasn’t supposed to have anything that has touched water in that country. I could only drink stuff in bottles of brands I was familiar with. So I order Coke Lights or bottled water. And guess what? IT’S ALL BOTTLED IN SOUTH AFRICA! I didn’t find this out for a couple days, and then I figured, when she’s a dumb whore and so I’m going to just drink the water. I realized that you aren’t supposed to drink water in Mexico either, but we drink Corona all the time. I was fine.
• One immodium will cause my brother to not shit for 8 days.
Capetown
• Capetown geography has a very eclectic look. There are some areas where it looks like you’re in Long St. looks like Manhattan, V&A Waterfront looks like San Diego, others look like Martha’s Vineyard, Hawaii, and Arizona
• The nightlife is lame. All I heard about was the crazy nightlife there, blah blah blah. Maybe I’m used to New York, but when you walk around the city on Friday and Saturday nights and hear crickets on the main strips, it’s not a good sign. The bars at the two “hot” spots of Long St, and V&A Waterfront, look like what bars in Boston and New York look on early weeknight evenings. I was shocked. I stayed out until 2 both nights just assuming something would eventually happen. Alas, bubkes
• Speaking of crickets, cricket is easily the most confusing sport ever. It was all that was on down there at bars, and so I would watch it all night and try and pick up the rules. It’s like watching a group of 5 year olds play a game and make up rules as they go along, but somehow they all understand it.
• Cow is the best meat. I spent the last week and a half eating every game meat known to man, and they were all just cheap knock-offs compared that lovely bovine. They are all too lean or too fatty or don’t have taste. Crocodile is cool though. It’s like a mix of chicken and beef flavorwise, so it’s something different.
• The South African Rand has gained power vs. the dollar over the last couple years, but you can still get damn good deals. The biggest, most expensive steak, at the swankiest eateries in Capetown will run you about $10-$15. I must have eaten two pounds of steak a day.
• Best thing about Capetown: Their French Fries. I don’t know what they do, but every place had AMAZING fries.
• M6 from Capetown down to Cape Point is better than PCH
• Sharks that are 10-15 feet long, look like 5 feet of it is mouth. It’s just giant. And jagged teeth
• Sharks beat the hell out of each other apparently. They are all have nicks and cuts and gauges in their skin. Since no other fish is going to mess with them, they must have Ultimate Fighting between them, because everyone one that I saw was cut up all to hell
• The best times to see Capetown and go on safari in South Africa are pretty much on opposite sides of the year (hot, rainy season is best for Capetown, while the dry season is best for game viewing) and so Murphy’s Law will dictate that when I choose a time when that’s between them both, the day that I go shark diving, will be 40 degrees, raining, and have 10-15 foot seas, while also raining on my safari.
• Segways are really friggin cool. After you’ve been on one for about 10 minutes, it’s almost impossible to screw it up. You could rent them for an hour for $25 there. This should be a business in New York. Cesar, you’re looking for something. Buy about 10 Segways and sell tours of Central Park on the weekends.
Safari
• I’m so glad I did the safari I did. Half of it was having a guide drive us around the park, and half was having two armed rangers walk around the park. When being driven, we drove almost exclusively in areas that aren’t available to the public. About 10% of it was on the public roads. And if you do happen to see an animal, you’re in a line with 5 other cars, and invariably there’s going to be someone screaming at the animal to get its attention, which just scares them off.
• I have horrible eyes, but great ears.
• When you are driving looking for animals, everything looks like an animal.
• When you are walking around looking for animals, and you walk close enough to flush out a couple birds, that first split second when the bird flys away makes your heard stop. No matter how many times it happens, you don’t get immune to it within a week.
• The temperature shifts there SUCK. It’s 40 at night and 85 during the day. When you are walking around all day, you either freeze your ass off in the morning, sweat to death in the afternoon, or lug around a giant bag for all your extra clothes.
• I’ve been living in the big city for decade now, and so birds chirping at all hours of the night really messes with my sleep patterns. Dump trucks, police sirens, people screaming, none of it bothers me. But when a bird chirps, it keeps me awake. I though that the crows in Cape Cod were my least favorite bird. No, no no. There’s this Franklin somethingorother in South Africa that shrieks like a fire alarm starting at about 1 in the morning. And there are 500 of them around every camp.
• “‘Pristine bush’ is bush that’s never been touched by man” – my guide the first 20 minutes into the safari (my response = “tee hee hee”)
• Impala get annoying after you see a billion of them.
• Girl hyenas have monster clits
• Leopards don’t actually have spots
• Black rhino and white rhino are the exact same color (gray)
• The sound of a lion roar travels 4-5 miles
• When a lion roars from 15 feet away from you, you can feel it through your entire body, I think it even made the car shake
• Hippos mouths look like giant vaginas when they yawn. Hippos also have summer teeth something fierce.
• Impala have really pink wangs, and when they mate, it only takes 5 seconds.
• Getting out of the jeep and taking my first few steps on the “walking” safari was the biggest adrenaline rush I’ve ever had. Skydiving is nothing. Every step I took for three hours, I was sure that some lion was going to jump out from the bush in front of me, or worse, was just stalking me from behind the whole time.
• That I actually paid someone money to intentionally track lions, so that we, on foot mind you, could get as close to them as possible. To put it mildly, I was feeling uncomfortable.
• When I am nervous my stomach growls, but at this point we knew we were VERY CLOSE to the lion I was so in a zone looking out for this lion we knew was very close that I wasn’t sure if I actually growled or if it was a lion. So my brother turned back pale as a ghost, and whispered angrily “DID YOUR STOMACH JUST GROWL?” and I just said “I think so, but I’m not sure”
• When a lone lion kills something and wants to savor it, they disembowel the animal and bury the guts (since that’s what causes the smell and attracts the scavengers) and drags the carcass a couple hundred feet away to eat it in some shade and not get bothered by the hyenas and vultures that are attracted by the smell.
• Lions get really upset if you grab the carcass of their kill and move it to a better location so you can take pictures.
• Dead Kudu weighs a lot
• When you’ve already scared a lion away and messed with a its kill once, and then you go back 6 hours later to see how much he has eaten, but he’s actually moved it, but you find it again, but he doesn’t leave this time, and just hides behind a tree and watches you walk toward the carcass, and when you’re 15 feet away from him, he jumps out and roars, it’s umm jarring.
• I really appreciate the two rifle-toting bushmen leading us through this little endeavor. They had those rifles cocked and pointed at the lion in a pubicsecond
05-02-2005, 10:44 PM
Quote:that “Somebody’s Watchin’ Me” song
I loved that song!!!
05-02-2005, 11:13 PM
i think segways are illegal in nyc
05-02-2005, 11:50 PM
Berry Gordy's son's only number one hit....
05-03-2005, 12:12 AM
im filled with envy right now. that trip sounded amazing.
05-03-2005, 12:16 AM
my brother is going through all the pictures, and I've got 4 hours of video from the safari, so over the next couple weeks, I should have some stuff to post.
05-03-2005, 01:06 AM
seems like alot of galts trip involved looking at animals genitals.
05-03-2005, 02:20 AM
that sounds like an amazing trip - I cant wait to see the pics of the lion scaring the shit out of you!