CDIH

Full Version: So Friday night...
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I hung out with my brother, we went to the Jets/Giants debacle. Then we played some Xbox at his place for a little while and he dropped me off at home. As he drove off, I, being the drunk I am, decided I would like another beer. So instead of entering the house I walked to the bar to pick up a six-pack. (2:25)

About halfway to the bar I see my friend Bob outside his house. I think, it's late as hell, I'm about to get some beer, why not share it with someone? So I say "Hey Bob" and am ignored before I realize he's fighting with his (fat) girlfriend. I hear Bob threaten to call the cops, she says "go ahead", and I'm out. (2:30)

I get to the bar, four blocks from my house, and the bartender there (new guy) asks me for ID. There it is. I cut my hair and get carded. For the first time in forever. I just said I'll go get it, no use arguing, and left. (2:35)

Outside the bar(The Zoo), I reach into my pocket to doublecheck in case I might have some ID on me (even though I never carry any).

I walk back to my house and Bob and his girlfriend are still arguing. I grab my license and head back out and debate in my head: should I drive, or walk? I decide to walk, cause if I drive the asshole cops sitting outside the bar will probably pull me over after I leave, but if I walk they won't do shit. (2:45)

So I walk. The bar closes at three. I decide to jog. After about 200 feet of jogging I see a skunk run out from a bush about 10 feet in front of me. I freeze. Fuck, I'm about to be sprayed!

Thankfully, the skunk runs under a car, and a few seconds later runs to the other side of the street. I go on.

I get to about a half block from Bob's house, when I see the lights. Cops are there. I walk past, hear some cops talking their cop talk to my friend, and keep going. About a block before I get to the bar to pick up my beer, I reach into my pocket (why, I don't know) and find MY MONEY IS GONE!!!! (2:55)

$350 cash, a few receipts, and my driver's license are gone! I'm losing my mind here now. Where did I drop it? Who stole it? At least I didn't lose my wallet, with my credit cards...

So I retrace my steps. Last time I KNOW I saw the money I had in my pocket was outside The Zoo, so I walk back there scanning every inch in front of me hoping I see it. But if you lose money in front of a bar, you think you'll ever see it again?

Now it's after three, the bar is closed but who cares, I just need my money and license. The cops are gone from The Zoo and Bob's house and his girlfriend's car is not there.

I walk back to my house, still scanning the ground, but no luck. All the cash I had in my pocket was still gone. I'm looking at everything that might maybe be some sort of money type thing. Somebody in a riced-out tinted windowed car pulls up next to me at some point, then drives away...

So I go back into my house, search inside, no dice. So I look for a flashlight. I can't fucking find a flashlight! (3:20)

I go back out to look again, streetlights my only help. I go down about two blocks, then decide to search the other side of the street. There, in the middle of the sidewalk about a block and a half from my house, is my shit! (3:35)

I pick it up, go home, fuck around on the internet, and go to sleep...


True story.
he called the cops? what a pussy.
You should have made it so the skunk stole your wallet, which is why he didn't spray you, and that when you found him again, he sprayed you, and now you're washing yourself with tomato juice, even though it doesn't work.
Yeah, calling the cops on your girlfriend is a pussy move. AND HE THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD SEE IT!!!

And Jays, I could've said Bush dunnit...
yeah, because all we ever talk about is bush. of course! it would have been so ironinc!
ironic even!

though, I must said, the word ironinc has been on my mind, for its the name I want to give to my special vitamin supplement, which is made of nothing but iron and zinc.
because i have so much canadian loose change
RUINING THE VERY PANTS I WAS ABOUT TO RETURN!
......and when i got home , THERE WAS A HOOK HANGING FROM THE HANDLE OF THE CAR DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...THE ARISTOCRATS
ok, that made me laugh. dammit!