CDIH

I have to fill out my 401K Salary deferment form for work. I guess it would be a good idea to start this. But anyway, I am clueless and I have no idea what the best way would be to invest. Below are the various funds they have that I have to divide my salary defer to by percentage.

What percentages should I put next to these? Should all get a piece? One? A few? I don't much expect to be around to collect any of this shit but you never know.

Scwab Retirement Money Market (Money Market) SWRXX
Montgomery Tot Ret Bd R (Inter-term Bond) MNTRX
Vanguard Long-Tm Corp Bd (Long-term Bond) VLT2Z
Vanguard Wellington Adm (Domestic Hybrid) VWFDZ
Parnassus Inc. Equity Inc (Large Value) PRBLX
Vanguard Windsor II Adm (Large Value) VWDDZ
Vanguard 500 Idx Adm (Large Blend) VFIDZ
Jensen (Large Growth) JENSX
Vanguard Gr Idx (Large Growth) VIG2Z
Janus Mid Cap Value (Mid-Cap Value) JMCVX
Ariel (Small Value) ARGFX
Royce Low-Priced Stock (Small Blend) RYL1Z
Vanguard SmCp Idx Adm (Small Blend) VSMDZ
Bjuman, Barry MicroCp Gr (Small Groth) BMCFX
Julius Baer Intl Eqty A (Foreign Stock BJBIX
Excelsior Energy & Nat Resources (Spec-Nat Res) UMESX

Ariel, I loved the little mermaid.

or should i bet everything on black?

Print out all names, tape to cork board, throw dart. Winner.

I don't think he's so gay that he'd have a board on his wall, that'd be gay.

Improvise, adapt and overcome or just make your last shot a hot one.

you would tell me to buy 15000 cans of baked beans and dig a ditch to ready the bomb shelter.

No, I'd tell you to buy some firearms and as much ammo you could stand, then get the food.

The one with the golden gun makes the rules.

i think this one is right up your alley

Vanguard 2006 Fall From Grace (H Blend) VDIGSUCKS

What kind of junkie plans for the future?

spend it all on lotto, i'm telling you

VFIDZ

So I put 40% on both of these:

Vanguard Windsor II Adm (Large Value) VWDDZ
Vanguard 500 Idx Adm (Large Blend) VFIDZ

Good, you listened to the Jew. Just remember to thank him in thirty years.

the 500 index will do you right if you leave it alone for 20 years

he has as much a chance of making it 20 more years as gonzos heart can take another 20 pounds.

What are you going to do with the other 20%?

What you should do it put it in the money market.

i hate you

you should take that hate and what you should it put it... oh fuck it, you can't even pretend to be that dumb.

Arpi steered you in the right way. After three years on Wall Street, I learned that it was all a sham and only idiots waste money on managed investments.

Put your money in an index fund and just sit on it for decades.

Also, at a minimum withold up to your employer's match, but realistially, you should withold the maximum allowed in your 401(k)