CDIH

So I was out doing a bit of food shopping earlier today and the checkout bitch told me to have a "good afternoon." After giving my obligatory "you too", it dawns on me how fucking stupid it is to wish somebody a good afternoon. Or evening, for that matter. If it's not at the point of the day that you would wish someone a good morning or a good night, the only good thing to wish someone is a good day. This covers everything. By wishing me merely a good afternoon, isn't she implying that she hopes my evening and night are shitty?

This got me thinking about how many common phrases there are that for one reason or another I have never ever said to anybody, and probably never will.


Good afternoon
Good evening
My condolences
I’m sorry for your loss
God bless you
Wish me luck
Merry Christmas
…maa’m…
Pleased to make your acquaintance
Pleasure to meet you
Thanks for asking
How do you do?
How’s the baby?
It’s good to see you
I’m going to McDonalds
Bye Bye
I’m proud of you
Break a leg
How was your weekend?
I respectfully disagree
I’m going to Starbucks
You can say that again!
I take offense to that/That offends me
Welcome back
It’s good to be back

"I love Bloody Anus"

I said "my condolences" for the first time ever last week to a co-worker who lost her mother. it was pretty awkward.

you should have said "oh so that's why she didn't move around that much"

"...WHILE I FUCKED HER"

and thats that
you better believe it!
and how!
over my dead body
love it or leave it
hold the phone
come again?
little did he/she/I/we/they know
you can take that to the bank

I say "thank you, sir" and "thank you, maam" all the time because I'm polite.

when i say sir and ma'am i feel like im mocking someone.

I overheard part of this conversation on speakerphone at work a couple years ago:

And what is your name, maa'm?
KEVIN.

I swear to fucking god

i call bullshit!

there is no way he hasnt said:

1.Wish me luck
2. Bye Bye
3. How was your weekend?

Hey arpi, thanks for sharing your delcious taffy!

go fetch me some bulbs
im gonna go warm up the tracker
these leather pants feel great on my ass
does this sombrero clash with my underwear?

stop it before you piss of hawt!

im not mocking her

this will only result in a rekindled romance you had with arpi, which will spawn numerous polls and upset the great "check in" posters.

besides, more phrases!!!

"Let's get something to NOSH on"

what a horrible word.

im tuckered out
look out world!
its the feel good hit of the summer
let the cat out of the bag
for crying out loud

1.Wish me luck
How fucking presumptuous is this? How about "Wish me a good weekend" or "Wish me a good night?" How pompous do you have to be to order somebody to wish something on your behalf? Either they will, or they won't.

2. Bye Bye
One bye is plenty. Two is completely redundant and unnecessary.

3. How was your weekend?
Chances are I really don't give a shit how their weekend was; therefore I wouldn't waste either of our time asking.

hahaha. do commentary for the rest of the phrases

Keyser Soze Wrote:go fetch me some bulbs
im gonna go warm up the tracker
these leather pants feel great on my ass
does this sombrero clash with my underwear?

i have said them all!