CDIH

ouch.
all this makes me terribly sad.

Abster Wrote:ummm, you didn't ask her about the cancer?

it was one of those silent acknowlegements, I wasnt pissed about it.

We were pretty broke ourselves when I was a kid. We didn't get much during the year, but at Christmas time, my mom would try to go all out. There are two gifts I will always remember: The Millenium Falcon when I was about 6, and The three cassette Bruce Springsteen live album when I was 14. I played those tapes so many times, they actually warped. That albumn got me through some really tough times.

virgingrrl Wrote:ouch.
all this makes me terribly sad.

I always tell people who try to comfort me or get like queasy, this shit doesn't even bother me, its just entertaining stories. If I really wanted pity, theres much worse stories of beatings, abuse and shit I could tell to jerk at the heart strings but thats not the point. These are just "embarassing" little stories from childhood that were embarassing at the time but just plain old funny now.

Like I had one come to me while I was at the gym tonight.

This one isnt a childhood memory but pretty random. I have been a best man at a wedding 4 times in my life, thrice for friends and once for my cousin.

The very first time was while I was still in high school.

I had this spic friend Alejandro and he was dating this illegal, her visa or whatever was running out and it was gonna be time to go home, so he decided to wife her. The thing is, he was such a scumbag, he'd like call me and say "hey lets go for a drive to eat". Then we'd end up in the fuckin bronx, waiting for his mom at some clinic, he just took me along so he wouldnt get bored, making me think we were going like to get a quick bite but im stuck in the bronx for 10 hours.

So one day, I fall for it again. "yo lets go chill for a bit, maybe hit up the mall". It was pretty cold but I figure we're going from the car to the mall, so i'll just put on a sport suit jacket. So I get down and climb in the spic caddy aka the el dorado and his g/f is in the back, she like never chills with us cause she dont halbo ingles. But anyway, we get on the belt but we're going the opposite way from the mall, we're heading towards manhattan. I'm like what the fuck? "oh I gotta make a quick stop holmes". Fuckin quick stop my ass, so we're basically like 5 minutes from manhattan and he starts laughing "yo, im getting married son, i didnt wanna say nothing before, incase you wouldnt come".

Ugh, so we get to city hall and we get on the line for the fucks getting hitched. So this fuck and his goonie goo goo lookin fiance, they fuckin leave, "yo were gonna get like a hot dog, want something?" so i say yeah get me a dog and soda. Fuckin over an hour or so later, im standing there freezing my ass off and they still arent back. Then finally they stroll back, "yo wheres my fuckin dog and where you been?".... "oh, we decided to go to the italian restaurant, sorry bro i forgot to bring you something".... MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Finally we get inside and another fuckin like 2 hour wait to get with the ceremony. Fuckin I wasted like 7 hours on this shit, froze my ass off and he just had a grand old time.

I did get my revenge later on when he came to visit me at work one day, with divorce papers. He didnt wanna go to an attorney and got the paperwork and asked me to fill it out for him. I totally fucked up all his paperwork for him.

When I was about 9 or so, I became an altar boy at my parish. The first mass I ever worked was a funeral, and I was so fuckin nervous. . So everything goes pretty well until it came time to set up the incense. When the priest gave the incense back to me , I took a step back and tripped. I broke my ass, incense flew everywhere, right in the middle of a funeral.

When I was 16, I was dating a girl named Stacey. I was supposed to hang with her one night, but I had stayed out all night and then played softball all day. So I passed out when I got home. My girl came around the neighborhood anyway. My dickhead brother then proceeded to verbally abuse her for three hours in front of 20 people.

When I found out about it the next day, I fucking flipped. I tracked down my brother at home after school, and just beat the ever loving shit out of him. I beat him with a crutch, besides with the usual punches and kicks. Then, he decided to try to kick me with his steel toed metalhead boots. So, I ripped a boot off his foot and beat him with it. He ended up with several cuts an bruises and a rm in a sling.

Brotherly love at its finest.

I found that story extra funny.

hell yeah

The Prodigal Son Wrote:When I was 16, I was dating a girl named Stacey. I was supposed to hang with her one night, but I had stayed out all night and then played softball all day. So I passed out when I got home. My girl came around the neighborhood anyway. My dickhead brother then proceeded to verbally abuse her for three hours in front of 20 people.

When I found out about it the next day, I fucking flipped. I tracked down my brother at home after school, and just beat the ever loving shit out of him. I beat him with a crutch, besides with the usual punches and kicks. Then, he decided to try to kick me with his steel toed metalhead boots. So, I ripped a boot off his foot and beat him with it. He ended up with several cuts an bruises and a rm in a sling.

Brotherly love at its finest.

You beat your brother with a crutch, a steal toed boot and your feet and all he got was some abrasions and his arm in a sling?

You are a weakling. I had visions of Jared Leto in Fight Club.

GonzoStyle Wrote:I found that story extra funny.

I myself was thoroughly entertained.

It was as if somehow, justice was served.

GonzoStyle Wrote:

virgingrrl Wrote:ouch.
all this makes me terribly sad.

I always tell people who try to comfort me or get like queasy, this shit doesn't even bother me, its just entertaining stories. If I really wanted pity, theres much worse stories of beatings, abuse and shit I could tell to jerk at the heart strings but thats not the point. These are just "embarassing" little stories from childhood that were embarassing at the time but just plain old funny now.

eh, its just that i always had it kinda shitty growing up.
now...not so much.

Well Galt, if I put him in the hospital, I do believe my mother would have cut my throat while I was sleeping.

GonzoStyle Wrote:

virgingrrl Wrote:ouch.
all this makes me terribly sad.

I always tell people who try to comfort me or get like queasy, this shit doesn't even bother me, its just entertaining stories. If I really wanted pity, theres much worse stories of beatings, abuse and shit I could tell to jerk at the heart strings but thats not the point. These are just "embarassing" little stories from childhood that were embarassing at the time but just plain old funny now.

Like I had one come to me while I was at the gym tonight.

This one isnt a childhood memory but pretty random. I have been a best man at a wedding 4 times in my life, thrice for friends and once for my cousin.

The very first time was while I was still in high school.

I had this spic friend Alejandro and he was dating this illegal, her visa or whatever was running out and it was gonna be time to go home, so he decided to wife her. The thing is, he was such a scumbag, he'd like call me and say "hey lets go for a drive to eat". Then we'd end up in the fuckin bronx, waiting for his mom at some clinic, he just took me along so he wouldnt get bored, making me think we were going like to get a quick bite but im stuck in the bronx for 10 hours.

So one day, I fall for it again. "yo lets go chill for a bit, maybe hit up the mall". It was pretty cold but I figure we're going from the car to the mall, so i'll just put on a sport suit jacket. So I get down and climb in the spic caddy aka the el dorado and his g/f is in the back, she like never chills with us cause she dont halbo ingles. But anyway, we get on the belt but we're going the opposite way from the mall, we're heading towards manhattan. I'm like what the fuck? "oh I gotta make a quick stop holmes". Fuckin quick stop my ass, so we're basically like 5 minutes from manhattan and he starts laughing "yo, im getting married son, i didnt wanna say nothing before, incase you wouldnt come".

Ugh, so we get to city hall and we get on the line for the fucks getting hitched. So this fuck and his goonie goo goo lookin fiance, they fuckin leave, "yo were gonna get like a hot dog, want something?" so i say yeah get me a dog and soda. Fuckin over an hour or so later, im standing there freezing my ass off and they still arent back. Then finally they stroll back, "yo wheres my fuckin dog and where you been?".... "oh, we decided to go to the italian restaurant, sorry bro i forgot to bring you something".... MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Finally we get inside and another fuckin like 2 hour wait to get with the ceremony. Fuckin I wasted like 7 hours on this shit, froze my ass off and he just had a grand old time.

I did get my revenge later on when he came to visit me at work one day, with divorce papers. He didnt wanna go to an attorney and got the paperwork and asked me to fill it out for him. I totally fucked up all his paperwork for him.

I had a friend who did shady things like that, and me being the nice guy I always fell for it - but with him, it was mostly involving women. I'd be home watchin' TV or whatever and he'd call me and say 'if anyone asks, me & you went to NJ last weekend', or some shit - meanwhile noone ever asked because unless my girlfriend was hangin' out, he never brought a girl around (cause he was more paranoid than I am).

So yeah, that lasted a few years but I got real tired of his bullshit & told him to go fuck himself.

Another fun brother story. My brother was just being an incredible dick one night. He had a pizza delivered to the house, and it was on the table. He then said a extremely vile thing and I picked up the pizza and smashed it into his face. You should have seen the sausage, pepperoni and cheese hanging from his face.


Oh the memories.

thats an awful thing to do, what a waste of a perfectly good pizza!

so how many abrasions did he get?

The Prodigal Son Wrote:Another fun brother story. My brother was just being an incredible dick one night. He had a pizza delivered to the house, and it was on the table. He then said a extremely vile thing and I picked up the pizza and smashed it into his face. You should have seen the sausage, pepperoni and cheese hanging from his face.


Oh the memories.

Did you wait an hour for it to cool down sufficiently so as to prevent any injury?

Your stories of how you mildly inconvenience your brother are just wildly engrossing.

Tell us about the time you walked into his room and awoke him at 11:30 AM on a Sunday by gently tapping his shoulder, you crazy man!

what was the vile thing he said by the way?

I really don't remember exactly.
Here's a good one.

I was dating this girl and I just couldn't get in her pants. Finally, we were going at it in an alleyway. I pulled down her pants and went down on her right there in the alleyway. I gave it my all for about 10 minutes, but someone was coming and I had to stop.

The next day she bought me $100.00 cleats to play softball.

Funny epilogue: We were hanging out with some friends a few weeks later and somehow doucheing came up in the conversation. She then proclaimed she never douched. I just started spitting on the floor like I just ate shit! Needless to say, we broke up soon after.

I bet he disparaged his Warcraft character.

The Prodigal Son Wrote:I really don't remember exactly.
Here's a good one.

I was dating this girl and I just couldn't get in her pants. Finally, we were going at it in an alleyway. I pulled down her pants and went down on her right there in the alleyway. I gave it my all for about 10 minutes, but someone was coming and I had to stop.

The next day she bought me $100.00 cleats to play softball.

Funny epilogue: We were hanging out with some friends a few weeks later and somehow doucheing came up in the conversation. She then proclaimed she never douched. I just started spitting on the floor like I just ate shit! Needless to say, we broke up soon after.

oh man, gooch told the same story, theif!!!