CDIH

the gonzo i used to know would have posted that story on page 1

There was a shoe store down the way my mother used to take me to all the time. I think the name of it was like "Two for One" or something welfarish like that or that was at the very least their key marketing slogan. You see, you buy one, you get the other for nothing. Good deal, eh? Well the shoes they sold were the shit brands but my mother always insisted that we go there because of the "famous" buy one get another for free deal. I mean, you gotta be an imbeccile to pay for two pairs of shoes when you can get two for the price of one right down the road, right? Meanwhile as time passed, I would peruse other stores' goods at the mall or something and they would have some of the same shit brand shoes the twofer store had. However, and you probably saw this coming a mile away, I noticed that these same shit shoes cost exactly half of what my retarded mother would pay at the twofer. Thus accelerated the decline of the mother-son relationship.

deep

When i was 8 my friend's mother came over to our house to talk to my mother. While they were chitchating about their inadequacies and awful parenting i snuck outside of the house to the lady's car.

It was a big blue van, not one of the "nicer" ones that came out a couple of years later with the TV and videogame hookup shit. It was the old long van with school bus seats-three in a row.

My friend had three older brothers so there was always athletic and band shit in the car, so i thought id go play with something i could find.

I got in the car and crawled around behind the backseat and found a trumpet. It was old and gross but i was like 8 so what the fuck did i care?

I grabbed it and started trying to play it when i saw my mom and my friend's mom walk outside.

Now my friend's mom was a fucking psycho, many a-tmes she had coem to my house while my friend would stay over for dinner and drag her out by her hair holding a paddle because she "wasnt told where she'd be after school"....and we lived literally right around the block.

So i panicked big time and ducked under the seat. She got in the car and drove home, i was silent the entire way. At this point i didnt know what the fuck to do because i didnt want to get caught so i just planned to wait it out.

Well the next thing i know all her brothers are in the car and we're heading to the baseball field because they all have games. I'm fucking terrified, curled into the air raid position.

I hear everyone get out of the car when all of a sudden her oldest brother goes to get the equipment from the back and finds me, screaming for his mom.

The mom looks FURIOUS, she drives me home and my Mother is hystericl sobbing and my Father is outside talking to the Police because they thought i had been kidnapped.

I didn't realize how much time had passed but it was like 7:30 when i got taken home so it had to be atleast 3 hours.

If i was scolded or yelled at i wouldnt know because i dont remember but my dad did lash my ass as i walked past him to get to the stairs and then i ran up them and cried in my room.

I thought we already did this thread.

It was called confessions.

hey thanks for the meaningful contribution jack, as always!

both these happened when i was somewhere between 8-10 yrs old i guess

i remember getting my head stuck in the bars on a balcony at friar tucks, some resort in upstate ny my family would go to every year. i remember these two older girls walking by, prob like 18, and i just wave them to like "Hey whats up"

i think most of my family was around and my mom was a little freaked out, but my dad wasn't freaking out. he was just like "if he can fit his head in there he can fit it out." once i eventually calmed down i was able to get it out.

also when i was in the mall once with my family, i was sucking on ice cubes and my sisters were laughing about something, so i wanted to seem like i knew what they were talking about and started laughing too. this got the ice cube stuck in my throat. i could still breathe a little but the ice cube was still in the way and kinda hurt. my mom was more freaked out this time, and everyone in the mall was looking at me as i was probably crying too. but again, my dad was all calm and was like "he can breathe and its an ice cube, its going to melt soon." so in a few minutes it melted and i was fine.

i dunno why i didn't like my dad when i was 4 or 5 yrs old. he was clearly the more logical one of my parents.

and galt, how were his genitals not touching you if you were both naked and he was laying on top of you?

Hawt Baux Wrote:When i was 8 my friend's mother came over to our house to talk to my mother. While they were chitchating about their inadequacies and awful parenting i snuck outside of the house to the lady's car.

It was a big blue van, not one of the "nicer" ones that came out a couple of years later with the TV and videogame hookup shit. It was the old long van with school bus seats-three in a row.

My friend had three older brothers so there was always athletic and band shit in the car, so i thought id go play with something i could find.

I got in the car and crawled around behind the backseat and found a trumpet. It was old and gross but i was like 8 so what the fuck did i care?

I grabbed it and started trying to play it when i saw my mom and my friend's mom walk outside.

Now my friend's mom was a fucking psycho, many a-tmes she had coem to my house while my friend would stay over for dinner and drag her out by her hair holding a paddle because she "wasnt told where she'd be after school"....and we lived literally right around the block.

So i panicked big time and ducked under the seat. She got in the car and drove home, i was silent the entire way. At this point i didnt know what the fuck to do because i didnt want to get caught so i just planned to wait it out.

Well the next thing i know all her brothers are in the car and we're heading to the baseball field because they all have games. I'm fucking terrified, curled into the air raid position.

I hear everyone get out of the car when all of a sudden her oldest brother goes to get the equipment from the back and finds me, screaming for his mom.

The mom looks FURIOUS, she drives me home and my Mother is hystericl sobbing and my Father is outside talking to the Police because they thought i had been kidnapped.

I didn't realize how much time had passed but it was like 7:30 when i got taken home so it had to be atleast 3 hours.

If i was scolded or yelled at i wouldnt know because i dont remember but my dad did lash my ass as i walked past him to get to the stairs and then i ran up them and cried in my room.

im waiting for the destruction stuff you promised

Jack Wrote:I thought we already did this thread.

It was called confessions.

yeah its not similar in the least Mr. I have no interesting stories to add

Have you considered the possibility that your dad may be a robot?

hey everyone, stop posting stories. jack said we did this already.

Galt Wrote:Have you considered the possibility that your dad may be a robot?

this explains a lot about how hedcold comes across on the podcasts.

nah he's not

the only time i guess i've been in a "fight" was once when i forget why but this kid did like a back breaker thing to me, and it hurt pretty bad. i freaked out and went after him again, just for him to do it again. so there i was crying, i was a huge cry baby, but then i had to go home for dinner. when i get there i tell my dad what happens and he flips out, goes up to the kid, puts his hands around his neck and pushes him against a waste high fence and flips out on him like WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON. i forget what happened next but i know it ended up where eventually that kids parents showed up to and obviously weren't happy with my dad. they talked, the next couple of days there were rumors among my friends about them going to sue, but nothing more ever happened. my parents then made me join this stupid ju jitso class to "toughen me up". this interfered with my saturday morning bowling league and i wasn't too happy about that and hated going. i did get to fight/wrestle against this older girl though, that was cool.

I just got the image of hedcold beating down 6 year old yellow belt girls and it was fantabulous.

ha, there were times i had to go against this kid who was probably 7 or 8, but they made rules like i couldn't use my arms or something. basically it was just so that kid could practice on bigger kids. it was a real small class in this guys garage, so in order to do these things you had to mix it up like that

When i was in the Third grade i stole a troll baby out of this other girl's desk.

She came back into class and started crying and told the teacher it was gone and i was like "oh that stinks".

I got nervous thinking theyd catch me so i took all off all its clothes and acted like it was my own.

A week or two later i still felt so bad that i snuck it back in her desk.

trolls were creepy yet cute at the same time.

It had pink hair.

I also had the battery operated crawling troll baby who would giggle when it'd fall.

AA week after i got it my brothers drew all over it's face.

When i was 10 my Hindu neighbor and i walked like three blocks away from our houses, walked into this kid's backyard and stole his rabbit.

The kid used to hold it by the ears and swing it around until it had a "please kill me" look on it's little furry face.

So we took it back to my neighbor's house and tried to feed it and take care of it but it wouldnt eat and then it died.