09-20-2007, 02:50 PM
This recent FLOOD of threads about 'jobs' and "employment" have made me think back just enough to reach a state to throw something together to perhaps entertain, bore, and/or disturb you. Whoever said this place was dead, full of bodies, and sucked? They're fuckers and moreover I am used to the smell & will always love you, so don't you listen to Rooner and the rest of BoredPlanet. So I will keep any "novelesque" post here so not to clutter the board. Actually I don't mean that. I will post them where I feel they belong and in the context I feel appropriate, ie where I fucking want to, whether this is my "blog" or not, clever one, and if that tugs a cock the wrong way, well they can just go over to their computer there, put their face right up the monitor real close like, focus real hard, and read.........this......"Sorry about that"
So I think back a bit about me. I was always quiet, a bit runty, an easy target in short. It seems no matter who I stood next too, I always had to look up. I never spoke really or tried to, not in crowds anyway (ie. two or more). When I see a group of people talking and smiling, I used to get nervous & scared because more times than not I would be observing in some humiliating situation or from a battered ant-eye view if conscious. So I think a lot of my original personal characteristics have stayed with me somewhat and now let's get to...."work"...hoho!
I remember this one old man that used to be at the office. He seemed a kindly fellow, friendly, full of good-natured & fatherly advice, always a smile....except for me it seems.
So nothing new here. I am used to the odd person here and there who find my cold silence and gaze more unnerving then the regular person who is just content to leave me be if they even notice at all (you hurt me, arpi). I'm not an unreasonable man nor unfair, nor unempathetic. So why do I even remember this person now or at all? Well for whatever reason I kinda felt bad I made him as uncomfortable as I did. I purposely stayed out of the way, never tried to make eye-contact. If we passed in the hall, I curtly knodded and continue my glance at the floor or the paper I was holding. We were a regular "I don't fuck with you, you don't fuck with me" cliche
But these things have a way of sometimes "crossing over our little the Mason Dixon line where I'm not bothering you and twisting my balls the wrong way, you old fuck you and fuck your cunt wife too POP POP Bye, fuckers". It's funny and unfortunate how such things come about but I digress. So despite our estrangement I never really thought about the fellow. Well maybe that was a lie, I was admittedly kind of hurt I suppose that someone might have such a "sinister" view of me as a person as I never really went out of my way to bother or hurt anyone that wasn't asking for it or just did somthing to me.... but this is repeat information & irrelevant (it really really hurts, arpi) and I assume common to most, I'm nothing special, no fucking great revelation here. Nonetheless, the stage is set for something interesting.
So we're at a company function, completely worthless event, completely worthless job actually, full of completely worthless task and routine. I have since decided I will never do anything of personal worthlessness ever again. What I do, whether it's hire a whore, try to pick up some broad, type a post, etc it's because it either leads to, is during, or will lead up to orgasm or somekind of intellectual and/or sado-masocistic pleasure or fullfillment. So there is some kind of scene going on that the kindly old fellow is trying to mediate and calm. It's not a physical one just some blowback from an unwholesome situation that kinda effects everyone there as we get on in our worthless lot with perhaps not as great a level of personal satisfaction as one would want out of one's experience engaging in personally worthless tasks. So, I kind of veer into the buzzing crowd to listen (rock in hand...hoho!), the old man can really put worthlessness into perspective and further how the changes hwe sees as the logiczl conclusion can postitively effect us. The whole worthlessness is worth it and touching to me. I was impressed. The crowd disperses and there he is, looking at me. His wife is there and she has a very warm smile and motherly look about her, she was clearly just captivated by her husband's oratory, leadership and Hitleresque rallying influence. Yeah, he's a real gentleman, Betty, top shelf, and he sure is lucky to have YOU.
Arm over her should he looks at me and for perhaps the first time ever without intent to pull the pin of a "best and most polite way to lose the loon" grenade. He asks me a question, not job related specifically but about this situation he just outlined, put into crystal focus for everyone, and sent off the lot with a simultaneous sense of togetherness, pride, and elation. So he says to me...ME....*tears... "What do you think, is that fair?" I was almost flat-lined. Further, really honored, flattered, and even relieved at that particular moment...the moment that we have seemingly & finally broke through the personality wall separating us. This guy wasn't a presumptive dickhead, I was thinking at that moment. He's almost a father-like figure. I'm buying this fucker a card in June. So then I said, "Yeah I heard about what was going on, and I just don't really care enough to think about it.".......Silence that seemingly silenced the entire room.......That moment haunts me with regret to this day. I have set that day and that moment as the marker by which I measure the improvements I have since ventured to make of my own flawed and defective personality and outlook.
Moving on and wrapping up, his once kindly eyes turned almost menacing. He looked at me like I was a turd for only just half a second, then he found himself again and returned to his god-like, gentlemanly, & stately composure and manner. And he said, without aggression or heat, "Yeah...well you better start caring about something one of these days." I just stood there like I was just doused with a bucket of cold reality. What has my life become?...hmmm....
I dunno but sometimes I think about that a lot and it's almost like I re-live it in my mind. I can even almost hear his and his wives heads rolling around in my trunk when I was on my way to the river before I went home that night.
So I think back a bit about me. I was always quiet, a bit runty, an easy target in short. It seems no matter who I stood next too, I always had to look up. I never spoke really or tried to, not in crowds anyway (ie. two or more). When I see a group of people talking and smiling, I used to get nervous & scared because more times than not I would be observing in some humiliating situation or from a battered ant-eye view if conscious. So I think a lot of my original personal characteristics have stayed with me somewhat and now let's get to...."work"...hoho!
I remember this one old man that used to be at the office. He seemed a kindly fellow, friendly, full of good-natured & fatherly advice, always a smile....except for me it seems.
So nothing new here. I am used to the odd person here and there who find my cold silence and gaze more unnerving then the regular person who is just content to leave me be if they even notice at all (you hurt me, arpi). I'm not an unreasonable man nor unfair, nor unempathetic. So why do I even remember this person now or at all? Well for whatever reason I kinda felt bad I made him as uncomfortable as I did. I purposely stayed out of the way, never tried to make eye-contact. If we passed in the hall, I curtly knodded and continue my glance at the floor or the paper I was holding. We were a regular "I don't fuck with you, you don't fuck with me" cliche
But these things have a way of sometimes "crossing over our little the Mason Dixon line where I'm not bothering you and twisting my balls the wrong way, you old fuck you and fuck your cunt wife too POP POP Bye, fuckers". It's funny and unfortunate how such things come about but I digress. So despite our estrangement I never really thought about the fellow. Well maybe that was a lie, I was admittedly kind of hurt I suppose that someone might have such a "sinister" view of me as a person as I never really went out of my way to bother or hurt anyone that wasn't asking for it or just did somthing to me.... but this is repeat information & irrelevant (it really really hurts, arpi) and I assume common to most, I'm nothing special, no fucking great revelation here. Nonetheless, the stage is set for something interesting.
So we're at a company function, completely worthless event, completely worthless job actually, full of completely worthless task and routine. I have since decided I will never do anything of personal worthlessness ever again. What I do, whether it's hire a whore, try to pick up some broad, type a post, etc it's because it either leads to, is during, or will lead up to orgasm or somekind of intellectual and/or sado-masocistic pleasure or fullfillment. So there is some kind of scene going on that the kindly old fellow is trying to mediate and calm. It's not a physical one just some blowback from an unwholesome situation that kinda effects everyone there as we get on in our worthless lot with perhaps not as great a level of personal satisfaction as one would want out of one's experience engaging in personally worthless tasks. So, I kind of veer into the buzzing crowd to listen (rock in hand...hoho!), the old man can really put worthlessness into perspective and further how the changes hwe sees as the logiczl conclusion can postitively effect us. The whole worthlessness is worth it and touching to me. I was impressed. The crowd disperses and there he is, looking at me. His wife is there and she has a very warm smile and motherly look about her, she was clearly just captivated by her husband's oratory, leadership and Hitleresque rallying influence. Yeah, he's a real gentleman, Betty, top shelf, and he sure is lucky to have YOU.
Arm over her should he looks at me and for perhaps the first time ever without intent to pull the pin of a "best and most polite way to lose the loon" grenade. He asks me a question, not job related specifically but about this situation he just outlined, put into crystal focus for everyone, and sent off the lot with a simultaneous sense of togetherness, pride, and elation. So he says to me...ME....*tears... "What do you think, is that fair?" I was almost flat-lined. Further, really honored, flattered, and even relieved at that particular moment...the moment that we have seemingly & finally broke through the personality wall separating us. This guy wasn't a presumptive dickhead, I was thinking at that moment. He's almost a father-like figure. I'm buying this fucker a card in June. So then I said, "Yeah I heard about what was going on, and I just don't really care enough to think about it.".......Silence that seemingly silenced the entire room.......That moment haunts me with regret to this day. I have set that day and that moment as the marker by which I measure the improvements I have since ventured to make of my own flawed and defective personality and outlook.
Moving on and wrapping up, his once kindly eyes turned almost menacing. He looked at me like I was a turd for only just half a second, then he found himself again and returned to his god-like, gentlemanly, & stately composure and manner. And he said, without aggression or heat, "Yeah...well you better start caring about something one of these days." I just stood there like I was just doused with a bucket of cold reality. What has my life become?...hmmm....
I dunno but sometimes I think about that a lot and it's almost like I re-live it in my mind. I can even almost hear his and his wives heads rolling around in my trunk when I was on my way to the river before I went home that night.