CDIH

I was in a meeting today. An interminable meeting with some lady from our communications group who made no sense, yet she just kept talking and talking and talking.

My mind started to wander about all the zany things I'd like to do and the reactions that they'd get: closing my eyes, putting my head on the table, groaning, looking at her really angrily, whatever.

But then I realized that I had to shit real bad. I looked around and realized that I was far enough away from anyone that I could probably squeeze out some gas without anyone being offended. Then I realized I was all alone at the end of table and there was no door behind me. I could have definitely slipped my pants off and possibly even slyly squated besides my chair and maybe even taken a bit of a shit. And then I could grab a fistful of my shit and throw it at her and hit her in the face.

This made me very happy. I started smiling and I couldn't stop. A laugh started to grow and I had to cough to cover it. But then I kept smiling and I had those shivering shoulders that people have when they are trying to contain a laugh. They looked at me weird.

Then I left and surfed the web for three hours.

My mind is always spinning too. When I drive I usually have a running commentary in my mind by the Sesame Street Count. Everytime I see a nigger, a chink, a faggot, a spic or whatever walking down the street the Count will be like "ONE CHINK AH-AH-AH!". And since I'm in my car alone, I laugh out openly and as loudly and obnoxiously as I want.

When I'm indoors in work or wherever and I hear the thunder from a storm, I picture that God is really the Count and he's counting how many gooks, niggers or disgusting looking chicks he sees out that day and randomly throwing lightning bolts at them.

Yeah I'm pretty much a complete lunatic who hasn't cracked up completely just yet.