04-18-2002, 07:54 PM
I get this gossip e-mail every week from popbitch.com, lots of fun, if you like the whole british style gossip and sense of humor. Anyway, this week the whole issue is about Ozzy, so here you go for anyone that's interested.
"I wear a lot of black because I'm always spitting
shit over myself. It doesn't show up on black." - Ozzy
------------------------------------------------------
OZZYBITCH
* Ozzy's smiley faces on his knees
* Sharon pisses in Lynsey De Paul's suitcase
------------------------------------------------------
>> OZZBITCH <<
Popbitch pays tribute to First Family of Rock
The Osbournes, due to start in the UK on May 24,
is easily the best TV show in history.
Having masterminded Ozzfest, Sharon Osbourne is now
turning her entire family into global superstars.
Kelly Osbourne is set to release a version of Papa
Don't Preach with Incubus. If Sharon can keep Ozzy's
career on track despite his drug-addled mentalism,
she should have no problem turning her daughter
into the Heavy Metal Madonna.
Sharon Osbourne should be President of the world.
Here are some of our favourite Ozzy stories:
*******************************************************
>> The Young Ozzy <<
Teenage Osbourne's underpant shame
Ozzy's real name is John. His mother's maiden name
was Unit. He grew up in Birmingham, and by the
age of 14 he had already been in a band called
The Black Panthers.
A schoolfriend, Chris, remembers him:
"When we were about 16, which would be about
1962-63, Ozzy was a bit of a bum. He couldn't
afford underpants. This was proved when we were
in Aston Park one Sunday, and some girls were
horrified to notice that Ozzy had a big hole
in his crotch and his cock was hanging out.
"They teased him about this until he cried, and
they then teased him about the crying for the
next five years. It really pissed him off."
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy's best friend as a teenager was called "Flobber".
He and Ozzy wore drainpipe trousers and winkle pickers.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy the Master Criminal <<
Fingerless gloves lead to jail
Ozzy's life wasn't always particularly glamorous.
His first employment was in a slaughterhouse.
Then he got a job testing car horns.
Think about it. That can't have been fun, can it?
Getting bored of beeping, Ozzy turned to a life of
crime, and began robbing small clothes stores. The police
kept catching him though, because although he wore gloves,
they had the fingers are cut out, so left fingerprints.
Ozzy's longest sentence was six weeks in Winson Green
Prison, for breaking into an occupied boarding house.
During this period, he tattooed O-Z-Z-Y across his knuckles,
needles on his arms, the word "thanks" on his palm, and a
happy face on each knee to cheer him up when he woke up
in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
During his first marriage, to Thelma, Ozzy shot all of
his cats. There were 17 of them.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy's meat period <<
Pig's intestines, ox heads, dead baby...
Inspired by job at the slaughterhouse, Ozzy spent
much of his solo tours throwing raw meat at the
audience. On one tour, his contract stipulated that
25 pounds of calves liver and pigs intestines be provided.
As the tour continued, people brought meat to the show to
throw back at him. Then they started bringing dead frogs,
cats, and snakes. "We had to turn this guy away from one
show because he was trying to get in with an ox's head,"
claimed Ozzy recently.
At one show, someone threw a toy doll onto the stage.
Thinking that someone had tossed a dead infant onstage,
Ozzy completely freaked out.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy once took a shit in a hotel elevator, and then explained
to the hotel manager, "It's alright mate. I'm a resident".
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy's Dwarf <<
He was well hung. Every night.
Like all great rock stars (Freddie Mercury, Kid Rock,
and er, Blink 182) Ozzy is very fond of dwarves.
Ozzy's personal dwarf was John Allen, who suffered
constant abuse onstage.
On a normal night, Ozzy would toss pig entrails at him,
stuff him into a holes, and then hang him for prolonged
periods from a noose.
Still, it beats panto.
------------------------------------------------------
The words "bodge" and "flaps" which are heard in some
Ozzy songs mean vagina and breasts, respectively.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Sharon's dad <<
Ever wondered how Sharon got so tough?
Sharon's father was Don Arden, an Eastender who left
school at 13, to became a stand-up comedian, singer,
organiser of Hebrew folk song contests... and eventually
one of the most feared rock managers of all time.
Don managed Black Sabbath, and then Ozzy. Convinced that
Ozzy had a future as a solo superstar, Sharon asked her
father if she could become Ozzy's manager.
Don refused, so Sharon had to buy out Ozzy's management
contract for approximately $1.5 million. This business
deal caused a bitter rift between father and daughter
and they have since remained estranged.
------------------------------------------------------
Before meeting Ozzy, Sharon was tour manager for Lyndsey De Paul.
Following an argument with De Paul, Sharon pissed in her suitcase.
------------------------------------------------------
>> He is the Krelley Man <<
Doing all the krell he can...
During the height of his drugs period (taking acid every
day for a year, snorting a line of ants, etc) Ozzy would
refer to cocaine as "krell".
He even had a song:
"I am the krelley man...
"I'm doing all the krell I can, I can..."
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy Osbourne's favourite food is cottage cheese.
------------------------------------------------------
>> When Ozzy tried to kill Sharon <<
The voices said "she has to go..."
Returning from a festival in Russia, Ozzy drank most of a
case of vodka he brought back with him. This tripped a
switch in his head, and he suddenly began walking
towards Sharon saying "we've decided that you've
got to go"... and then started to strangle her.
Sharon hit the panic button on the house alarm and the police
came and took Ozzy away. He woke up the next morning in jail,
and found out he'd been arrested for attempted murder.
Ozzy then cut off all his hair and sent it to Sharon in a
shoebox, convinced this this was a suitable apology which
would make everything alright again. It did.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy picked 4th July for his wedding to Sharon so that
he'd be able to remember the date on his anniversary.
------------------------------------------------------
>> "Don't call me Boo-boo" <<
I am Mr Ozzy Boo-Boo Prince Of Darkness Osbourne
In a meeting with his record company, Sharon Osbourne
told Ozzy off in front of record company execs, calling
him 'Boo-boo' (her pet name for him).
Ozzy's reply was, "Don't call me Boo-boo, I'm the fucking
Prince of Darkness"
------------------------------------------------------
One of Ozzy and Sharon's previous houses featured a
urinal fitted onto the sitting room wall.
------------------------------------------------------
>> The Lost Children <<
Goldfish-memory Ozzy loses his young
It's no surprise that Jack and Kelly Osbourne have grown up
a bit unusual. When they were small, Ozzy used to often
take them into shops, and then - if they went out of sight
for more than a few seconds - he would forget about them
and then leave.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy has a daughter from his first marriage, called
Jessica Starshine.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Young, gifted and Jack <<
Behold! The baby Osbourne!
Jack Osbourne is 16 years old, and has a
healthy interest in wearing army clothes.
He is apparently dyslexic and suffers from
attention-deficit disorder (much like Ozzy).
When Jack grows up, he will probably become Dr Evil.
A Jack Fan Page:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://jackosbourne.homestead.com/jackosbourne.html">http://jackosbourne.homestead.com/jackosbourne.html</a><!-- m -->
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy's other son Louis is a rather good techno DJ.
He's played at Bugged Out and Pacha in Ibiza.
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.undercover.com.au/20020225_louisosbourne.html">http://www.undercover.com.au/20020225_l ... ourne.html</a><!-- m -->
------------------------------------------------------
>> Mystery Osbourne Aimee <<
She shamed family by fancying Hanson
Ozzy's daughter Aimee refused to take part in the
show, because she didn't want her private life exposed
to the world. She moved out of the house for the five
months in which the family shared their Beverly Hills
mansion with MTV camera crews.
"Aimee is normal, like the daughter in Absolutely
Fabulous," says Sharon.
She's not that normal - in 1998 Aimee put a $16,000 bid
into a charity auction to meet Hanson. There are rumours
that she actually went out with Taylor. Ozzy must
have been mortified.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy was once due to appear in a Miami Vice episode - only
to be cancelled after a man killed himself after listening
to Ozzy's Suicide Solution.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Want more Ozzy? <<
Perhaps you need help.
There are thousands more Osbourne stories.
You can find some of them here:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.faqs.org/faqs/music/ozzy-osbourne-faq/">http://www.faqs.org/faqs/music/ozzy-osbourne-faq/</a><!-- m -->
Ozzy's backstage rider
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/ozzy/ozzy1.html">http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstaget ... ozzy1.html</a><!-- m -->
The Osbournes show:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/">http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/</a><!-- m -->
********************************************************
"I wear a lot of black because I'm always spitting
shit over myself. It doesn't show up on black." - Ozzy
------------------------------------------------------
OZZYBITCH
* Ozzy's smiley faces on his knees
* Sharon pisses in Lynsey De Paul's suitcase
------------------------------------------------------
>> OZZBITCH <<
Popbitch pays tribute to First Family of Rock
The Osbournes, due to start in the UK on May 24,
is easily the best TV show in history.
Having masterminded Ozzfest, Sharon Osbourne is now
turning her entire family into global superstars.
Kelly Osbourne is set to release a version of Papa
Don't Preach with Incubus. If Sharon can keep Ozzy's
career on track despite his drug-addled mentalism,
she should have no problem turning her daughter
into the Heavy Metal Madonna.
Sharon Osbourne should be President of the world.
Here are some of our favourite Ozzy stories:
*******************************************************
>> The Young Ozzy <<
Teenage Osbourne's underpant shame
Ozzy's real name is John. His mother's maiden name
was Unit. He grew up in Birmingham, and by the
age of 14 he had already been in a band called
The Black Panthers.
A schoolfriend, Chris, remembers him:
"When we were about 16, which would be about
1962-63, Ozzy was a bit of a bum. He couldn't
afford underpants. This was proved when we were
in Aston Park one Sunday, and some girls were
horrified to notice that Ozzy had a big hole
in his crotch and his cock was hanging out.
"They teased him about this until he cried, and
they then teased him about the crying for the
next five years. It really pissed him off."
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy's best friend as a teenager was called "Flobber".
He and Ozzy wore drainpipe trousers and winkle pickers.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy the Master Criminal <<
Fingerless gloves lead to jail
Ozzy's life wasn't always particularly glamorous.
His first employment was in a slaughterhouse.
Then he got a job testing car horns.
Think about it. That can't have been fun, can it?
Getting bored of beeping, Ozzy turned to a life of
crime, and began robbing small clothes stores. The police
kept catching him though, because although he wore gloves,
they had the fingers are cut out, so left fingerprints.
Ozzy's longest sentence was six weeks in Winson Green
Prison, for breaking into an occupied boarding house.
During this period, he tattooed O-Z-Z-Y across his knuckles,
needles on his arms, the word "thanks" on his palm, and a
happy face on each knee to cheer him up when he woke up
in the morning.
------------------------------------------------------
During his first marriage, to Thelma, Ozzy shot all of
his cats. There were 17 of them.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy's meat period <<
Pig's intestines, ox heads, dead baby...
Inspired by job at the slaughterhouse, Ozzy spent
much of his solo tours throwing raw meat at the
audience. On one tour, his contract stipulated that
25 pounds of calves liver and pigs intestines be provided.
As the tour continued, people brought meat to the show to
throw back at him. Then they started bringing dead frogs,
cats, and snakes. "We had to turn this guy away from one
show because he was trying to get in with an ox's head,"
claimed Ozzy recently.
At one show, someone threw a toy doll onto the stage.
Thinking that someone had tossed a dead infant onstage,
Ozzy completely freaked out.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy once took a shit in a hotel elevator, and then explained
to the hotel manager, "It's alright mate. I'm a resident".
------------------------------------------------------
>> Ozzy's Dwarf <<
He was well hung. Every night.
Like all great rock stars (Freddie Mercury, Kid Rock,
and er, Blink 182) Ozzy is very fond of dwarves.
Ozzy's personal dwarf was John Allen, who suffered
constant abuse onstage.
On a normal night, Ozzy would toss pig entrails at him,
stuff him into a holes, and then hang him for prolonged
periods from a noose.
Still, it beats panto.
------------------------------------------------------
The words "bodge" and "flaps" which are heard in some
Ozzy songs mean vagina and breasts, respectively.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Sharon's dad <<
Ever wondered how Sharon got so tough?
Sharon's father was Don Arden, an Eastender who left
school at 13, to became a stand-up comedian, singer,
organiser of Hebrew folk song contests... and eventually
one of the most feared rock managers of all time.
Don managed Black Sabbath, and then Ozzy. Convinced that
Ozzy had a future as a solo superstar, Sharon asked her
father if she could become Ozzy's manager.
Don refused, so Sharon had to buy out Ozzy's management
contract for approximately $1.5 million. This business
deal caused a bitter rift between father and daughter
and they have since remained estranged.
------------------------------------------------------
Before meeting Ozzy, Sharon was tour manager for Lyndsey De Paul.
Following an argument with De Paul, Sharon pissed in her suitcase.
------------------------------------------------------
>> He is the Krelley Man <<
Doing all the krell he can...
During the height of his drugs period (taking acid every
day for a year, snorting a line of ants, etc) Ozzy would
refer to cocaine as "krell".
He even had a song:
"I am the krelley man...
"I'm doing all the krell I can, I can..."
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy Osbourne's favourite food is cottage cheese.
------------------------------------------------------
>> When Ozzy tried to kill Sharon <<
The voices said "she has to go..."
Returning from a festival in Russia, Ozzy drank most of a
case of vodka he brought back with him. This tripped a
switch in his head, and he suddenly began walking
towards Sharon saying "we've decided that you've
got to go"... and then started to strangle her.
Sharon hit the panic button on the house alarm and the police
came and took Ozzy away. He woke up the next morning in jail,
and found out he'd been arrested for attempted murder.
Ozzy then cut off all his hair and sent it to Sharon in a
shoebox, convinced this this was a suitable apology which
would make everything alright again. It did.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy picked 4th July for his wedding to Sharon so that
he'd be able to remember the date on his anniversary.
------------------------------------------------------
>> "Don't call me Boo-boo" <<
I am Mr Ozzy Boo-Boo Prince Of Darkness Osbourne
In a meeting with his record company, Sharon Osbourne
told Ozzy off in front of record company execs, calling
him 'Boo-boo' (her pet name for him).
Ozzy's reply was, "Don't call me Boo-boo, I'm the fucking
Prince of Darkness"
------------------------------------------------------
One of Ozzy and Sharon's previous houses featured a
urinal fitted onto the sitting room wall.
------------------------------------------------------
>> The Lost Children <<
Goldfish-memory Ozzy loses his young
It's no surprise that Jack and Kelly Osbourne have grown up
a bit unusual. When they were small, Ozzy used to often
take them into shops, and then - if they went out of sight
for more than a few seconds - he would forget about them
and then leave.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy has a daughter from his first marriage, called
Jessica Starshine.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Young, gifted and Jack <<
Behold! The baby Osbourne!
Jack Osbourne is 16 years old, and has a
healthy interest in wearing army clothes.
He is apparently dyslexic and suffers from
attention-deficit disorder (much like Ozzy).
When Jack grows up, he will probably become Dr Evil.
A Jack Fan Page:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://jackosbourne.homestead.com/jackosbourne.html">http://jackosbourne.homestead.com/jackosbourne.html</a><!-- m -->
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy's other son Louis is a rather good techno DJ.
He's played at Bugged Out and Pacha in Ibiza.
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.undercover.com.au/20020225_louisosbourne.html">http://www.undercover.com.au/20020225_l ... ourne.html</a><!-- m -->
------------------------------------------------------
>> Mystery Osbourne Aimee <<
She shamed family by fancying Hanson
Ozzy's daughter Aimee refused to take part in the
show, because she didn't want her private life exposed
to the world. She moved out of the house for the five
months in which the family shared their Beverly Hills
mansion with MTV camera crews.
"Aimee is normal, like the daughter in Absolutely
Fabulous," says Sharon.
She's not that normal - in 1998 Aimee put a $16,000 bid
into a charity auction to meet Hanson. There are rumours
that she actually went out with Taylor. Ozzy must
have been mortified.
------------------------------------------------------
Ozzy was once due to appear in a Miami Vice episode - only
to be cancelled after a man killed himself after listening
to Ozzy's Suicide Solution.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Want more Ozzy? <<
Perhaps you need help.
There are thousands more Osbourne stories.
You can find some of them here:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.faqs.org/faqs/music/ozzy-osbourne-faq/">http://www.faqs.org/faqs/music/ozzy-osbourne-faq/</a><!-- m -->
Ozzy's backstage rider
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/ozzy/ozzy1.html">http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstaget ... ozzy1.html</a><!-- m -->
The Osbournes show:
<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/">http://www.mtv.com/onair/osbournes/</a><!-- m -->
********************************************************