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Full Version: Smackdown Spoilers
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The Smackdown pyro goes off

A gift box is dangling from a crane beside the ramp. It has The Undertaker's name on a very large tag attached to it. It looks person-sized...Who could it be?

The mysterious box is not yet explained as we go into our first match.

Rey Mysterio Jr vs. Jamie Noble
Rey comes out to the expectedly large crowd noise. Noble makes his way to the ring accompanied by Nidia, but sans Nunzio to a mixed reaction. These two seem to be getting very fluent with each other's wrestling styles. The match is going at an exciting pace, at which point Rey sets Noble up for the 619. He goes to "dial it up," but Nidia pulls Noble out of the way. Noble somehow capitalized on this and landed an impressive sitdown powerbomb for the two count. Eventually Rey is going for the 619 again. Nidia runs in the ring so he throws her to the ropes as well. Mysterio lands a double 619 on Noble and Nidia, then hits the West Coast Pop on Noble for the pinfall.

The Rock "live via satellite" cuts a promo (most likely unaired) and is receiving heat immediately. He anticipates this, and begins taking obvious shots at the Philadelphia Eagles and Philly Cheesesteaks. Much of the crowd actually laughs at these things, but they get the point that Rocky is now supposed to suck again. That chant, obviously, starts up soon after. The Rock cuts off without his usual "smell..." goodbye.

Rikishi vs. Nunzio
Nunzio gets very little reaction, due to the fact that we had just seen him. Rikishi gets a good pop as always, but maybe not as much as in other cities. The match is a total blow-out, and Rikishi wins with the Banzai Drop. Nunzio slithers out of the ring, and, as Rikishi goes to dance, Nunzio grabs the mic. He warns Rikishi that it's a bad idea to mess with him. Rikishi wouldn't like the people Nunzio is with. Nunzio walks to the back, leaving his mafia-esque threat unexplained. Rikishi dances, and the crowd loves it.

Paul Heyman comes out to the ring, to a mixed reaction. A lot of fans are chanting "ECW" and he says that every time he hears Philadelphia fans chant those letters, it makes him happy to know that company has gone out of business.

He gets to the matter of the large gift box, and reveals it is for the Undertaker, as a token of regret from the Big Show. He reveals the Big Show is not in attendance tonight, and calls the Undertaker out to the ring.

"Dead Man Walking" hits, and the Badass is out on his bike. He comes into the ring, and as soon as his applause dies down, he heads right for the box. The Deadman cautiously unwraps it, and it becomes that there is, indeed, a person inside. Who steps out, but the red-faced Brother Love! Brother Love got a shocking amount of cheers from the crowd.

Brother Love talks about how it was he who introduced Undertaker to the WWE. He sings a song about how the Big Show is sorry and wants forgiveness, over his usual Gospel-type music. Taker obviously isn't buying it, and just stares him down. He finally grabs the mic, and spouts a quick line of trash, then chokeslams Brother Love. The crowd chants for a tombstone, and Taker was more than happy to oblige. He tombstones Brother Love and then rides his bike to the back in a fit of glory.

After a short break, we see Hulk Hogan moving through the back. He passes Jonah and Matt, the Tough Enough winners, and shakes their hands. Further down the hall, he runs into a smiling Brock Lesnar. Brock says it's good to see him back. Hogan is obviously still angry about what Brock did to him before. He grunts and walks away. Brock understands, and just laughs to himself.

Matt Hardy (version 1) w/ Shannon Moore vs. Billy Kidman
Another great cruiserweight matchup. Matt hits a lot of his new mid-match moves, like the side-effect. Kidman does the same, hitting his Baldo-Bomb like maneuver and his version of the Dudley Dog. After the Kidman Dog, Kidman goes up top for the Shooting Star, but is deterred by Shannon Moore. Matt Hardy gains the momentum again before Kidman flips, knocks him over, and bridges for the 1-2-3.

Matt begins shouting something at Tazz and Michael Cole, and he looks like he's going to beat the pleading Shannon Moore again, but they are cut off by Team Angle.

Kurt is giving a prep-talk to his team. He tells them that, although he can't be by their side in their Tag Title match tonight due to his match with Chris Benoit, that he is sure they will win. The Team break ttheir huddle, and Haas and Benjamin head out of the locker room.

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle
Los Guerreros head out, and clearly the crowd is behind them. Next comes Team Angle with Paul Heyman, who all receive a good deal of heat. The match starts out very slowly, with a lot of mat-wrestling. I personally was not very impressed with Los Guerreros's mat-wrestling abilities. Maybe that was what was slowing down the match early on. Anyway, the match did last awhile, so I'm assuming they will go cross-commercials with it. Team Angle hit their Benjamin overhead hangman move, and it impressed everyone. But they attempted the move two or three more times, and it started to get old. I think maybe the first time was during a commercial break, so you probably won't see this on TV. Most of the nice spots were after the "money tag." As everything started to go haywire, we witnessed a crossbody from the buckle to the floor by Chavo and an Eddie suplex-Chavo frog splash combo move. A similar move was attempted on Shelton Benjamin shortly thereafter, with Eddie hitting his frog splash. However, the referee could not count because Benjamin was not the legal man. Charlie Haas ran into the ring and small-packaged Eddie for the win. Team Angle are the new Smackdown tag team champs. Good match, but I think my expectations were a little too high for it.

"Voodoo Chile" starts up, Hogan steps out, and the place EXPLODES. The Hulkster poses all over the place for a few minutes, before finally calling for a mic and beginning his speech about Vince. The Rock cuts in via satellite. He insincerely flatters Hogan, then goes on a very arrogant sounding rant. The Rock says how, since he's busy, he'll let Hogan handle the talking by himself. He mocks Hogan's mannerisms a little bit in the process. The Rock gives Hulk his cue, which is a finger pointed in a Hollywood film sort of way. The Rock cuts off before Hogan can say much, and then leaves him to his own devices. The Hulkster is very offended. He points out to the Rock that his MILLIONS and MILLIONS of fans, are now booing him, while they are cheering on Hogan. He dubs the Rock, "The Rockin' Jabroni," which is corny, but gets funnier as Hogan uses it. Hulk's voice is raspy from all the intensity of his promo and the yelling that he has done. He vows to draw on the power of his screaming Hulkamaniacs at No Way out, like at Wrestlemania, but the similarities end there. Hogan says he will defeat Rock at No Way Out. Whatcha gonna do, brother... Hogan exits.

On the Titan-Tron, we see everyone crowded around the monitor watching Hogan. Sean O'Haire and Brian "Spanky Kendrick are among them. The two walk to the interview area and, though we can't hear what they are saying, we see O'Haire give Kendrick a blue scarf.

A-Train vs. Shannon Moore
A normal squash match with a twist. Early in the match, Brian Kendrick streaks down to the ring in a flesh colored thong. (On TV, this may be edited to look like censored nudity.) A load of referees chase Kendrick through the crowd and up to the top of the first level. Most of us can tell this is a parody of the new Nike ad with the soccer game streaker, and so we know where this is headed. A-Train hits his backbreaker for the win, and Kendrick runs back out through the crowd. He runs into the ring and avoids a swinging A-Train, sliding out and under the ring to avoid the crew of referees. Kendrick pops out the other side and runs up the ramp to the back.

The referees continue the chase, and we see Stephanie on the phone in her office. She is asking the person on the phone if Bischoff has signed Stone Cold or not. We pan back outside, where Kendrick is running down the hall. He backs up to Stephanie's office door, where the ref's urge him not to enter. He does, and he approaches Stephanie. He goes to shake her hand and says he's very excited to meet her. Steph looks down and says "I can see that."

John Cena enters the ring to cut a promo. He raps about how Lesnar is an idiot and a fad, etc. He challenges Lesnar to a match next week and leaves the ring.

On the TitanTron, Benoit is telling a heartfelt story about his championship match at the Royal Rumble. Kurt Angle interrupts when Benoit is talking his own family. Angle says that his wife is his title belt is his wife, and his medals are his kids. He doesn't appreciate Benoit messing with his family. Benoit says he can't wait for the their match tonight, and that he's looking forward to taking Angle's family away from him.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
Both come out to big ovations from the crowd. Angle got his usual heat and pops of respect. Benoit seemed to get even more pops than usual tonight. The match starts out with the usual wear-down tactics and builds into the use of suplexes. Benoit landed the same German release suplex as he did at the Rumble; the one where Angle does a complete flip and lands on his stomach. The usual reversal of each other's submissions was used to its extent, and the crowd was totally behind the match. Most of the match was basically highlights from the last couple Angle-Benoit matches. Angle ended up pulling off the victory with the Angle Slam.

Both men are standing in the ring. Benoit is bleeding around his eye and his face is a mess. Angle asks Benoit to shake his hand. Benoit is reluctant, but finally does. Angle raises Benoit's hand as a "sign of respect" but didn't hold it there long before Team Angle ran out and attacked Benoit. Soon, Kurt and his Team Angle were stomping on Benoit and beating him relentlessly. Edge runs out to make the save, but can only fight everyone off for so long. Brock runs out and F5's both members of Team Angle. Kurt gets out of the ring as quick as he can. Brock makes title belt gestures at Kurt as Kurt makes his way down the ramp. Team Angle kind of just slipped off. Brock grabs a mic and congratulates Benoit on a great match. Brock does his trademark warmup jog, and Edge tries to copy, which was humorous. The three remain in the ring for a short time to a great ovation, and then exit.
YES

BROTHER LOVE IS MOTHERFUCKING GOD
I loooooooooooove you, gomez.
Kendrick streaking was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time in the WWE
... I see that Post Whore is the status given when one accumulates 1000 posts.... I've always wondered about that...
So does this mean Roddy Piper and Piper's Pit isn't coming back?