03-11-2003, 07:02 PM
LET'S TURN IRAQ INTO THE WORLD'S LARGEST PRISON!
I'm madder than Yasser Arafat at a bar mitzvah over all this jawboning about what to do with Iraq after we kick that cowardly country's butt.
President Bush's advisors are saying we may have to occupy the place for a spell. And of course that's got the limp-wristed liberals in a tizzy -- they're scared we won't be able to "control a whole country."
Well, I seem to remember us doing a pretty fair job with the Germans and the Japs after World War II. And they had a lot more grit than these Iraqis, who turned yellow and surrendered in droves the last go-around.
The Bush people are saying that with years of effort we might be able to turn Iraq into a thriving democracy just like we did with Germany and Japan.
But why bother? Those yahoos aren't worth all the aggravation. I say let's just fence off the whole place and turn it into a giant penal colony -- and ship every convicted crook in America over there. It'll be just like what the English did with their criminals when they discovered Australia.
I'm serious. We can empty every prison in the country, from the maximum-security joints where they warehouse the baddest dudes right down to the little county jails like the one Andy Griffith used to have in Mayberry.
Just spring for a few land mines and with all that desert, Iraq would be as escape-proof as Devil's Island, by jiminy.
Just look at all the advantages, folks:
America will get rid of murdering, stealing, raping riffraff once and for all.
Iraq will never be a military threat again -- they'll be too busy trying to ride herd over 2 million of the roughest, toughest hombres on Earth.
The Iraqi people will have good jobs doing what those one-eyebrows do best -- torturing and terrorizing prisoners like in Midnight Express.
The U.S. crime problem will be solved because everyone will know if you steal, you could wind up being guarded by one of the sadistic sons of Saddam.
Best of all, the whole thing won't cost us a dime because we can use Iraq's oil money to pay for the jailbirds' upkeep.
And heck, if the tough American prisoners get the better of those inferior Iraqi wimps, who knows, maybe after a few generations, we'll have another great ex-convict country like Australia to be an ally of America.
I'm madder than Yasser Arafat at a bar mitzvah over all this jawboning about what to do with Iraq after we kick that cowardly country's butt.
President Bush's advisors are saying we may have to occupy the place for a spell. And of course that's got the limp-wristed liberals in a tizzy -- they're scared we won't be able to "control a whole country."
Well, I seem to remember us doing a pretty fair job with the Germans and the Japs after World War II. And they had a lot more grit than these Iraqis, who turned yellow and surrendered in droves the last go-around.
The Bush people are saying that with years of effort we might be able to turn Iraq into a thriving democracy just like we did with Germany and Japan.
But why bother? Those yahoos aren't worth all the aggravation. I say let's just fence off the whole place and turn it into a giant penal colony -- and ship every convicted crook in America over there. It'll be just like what the English did with their criminals when they discovered Australia.
I'm serious. We can empty every prison in the country, from the maximum-security joints where they warehouse the baddest dudes right down to the little county jails like the one Andy Griffith used to have in Mayberry.
Just spring for a few land mines and with all that desert, Iraq would be as escape-proof as Devil's Island, by jiminy.
Just look at all the advantages, folks:
America will get rid of murdering, stealing, raping riffraff once and for all.
Iraq will never be a military threat again -- they'll be too busy trying to ride herd over 2 million of the roughest, toughest hombres on Earth.
The Iraqi people will have good jobs doing what those one-eyebrows do best -- torturing and terrorizing prisoners like in Midnight Express.
The U.S. crime problem will be solved because everyone will know if you steal, you could wind up being guarded by one of the sadistic sons of Saddam.
Best of all, the whole thing won't cost us a dime because we can use Iraq's oil money to pay for the jailbirds' upkeep.
And heck, if the tough American prisoners get the better of those inferior Iraqi wimps, who knows, maybe after a few generations, we'll have another great ex-convict country like Australia to be an ally of America.
how clever & original of the writer