CDIH

Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad. -Ted Bundy

SECRET OF MANAGEMENT
#597-Whoomp! There it is!

Let me tell you something, little Miss... Advertising pays our bills, alright... advertising pays your salary... advertising is what made this country great... What was the Constitution of the United States?... No! It is an advertisement... an advertisement for liberty... when in the course of human events... I'm telling you... that's up there with 'Put a Tiger in your tank' and 'Where's the beef'... Don't you understand? I'm sorry... I've got to get some air... Hell if it wasn't for advertising... you know what you two'd be doing, huh? You two'd be giving out Sesame Street tote bags during PBS pledge breaks... 'cept they wouldn't say Sesame Street on them.. Nooo... they wouldn't say that... that would be....? ADVERTISING!!! That's Right!! Hell, if you two had your way there probably wouldn't even be any Sesame Street would there?... Would there?!! There'd be no Ernie would there... Nooooo.... there'd be no Bert... bye bye, bye bye to Grover... bye bye to Cookie Monster... NO! There'd be no Snuffleupagus, would there, and get that trash can... cause there'd be no Oscar the Grouch... NOT TO MENTION... KERMIT, THE Damn FROG!!!!

Sure, same thing happened when I was a kid... I was mouthin' off to my brother when we were getting ready for school. I'm telling you, he punched me so hard I was out for a half an hour. And when I came to I was on the school bus... completely nude of course.
I remember one Christmas he stripped me naked and locked me out of the house just when the Carolers were arriving.Talk about a Merry Christmas...

Good times...

Lisa has decided that she wants to have a baby but that she doesn't want to get married. Now I know that if you were awake you'd probably say something like, "Well son, why milk the cow when you've got a fridge full of steaks." And I would probably say, "That makes absolutely no sense, sir." And then I'm sure you would say... "Well it sure sounded like it made sense when that guy Chuck Connors said it in that movie China Town." And I of course would say, "Well sir, Chuck Connors wasn't in the movie China Town." And I'm sure you would come back with, "Well Dave, if I wanted to have this conversation I'd have hired that guy Siskel Ebert to do your job." And I would say, "Sir, Siskel and Ebert are two guys." And I'm sure you would then come back with, "Dave just 'cause the man is fat is no reason to make fun of him."

I remember one time,my father came home from a night on the town which of course had turned into a week,and my Mother said, "John, is there anything you wont drink?"and my father shot back, "Poison... I'm saving it for you."
And I and my brother (who is now an alcoholic himself) just about died laughing.
GOOD TIMES!

"...Now available in vanilla nut flavor. So for a tasty treat that's good to eat, try Soylent Green. Soylent Green is people. Soylent Green. Made from the best stuff on Earth... People

#435-When in doubt, see secret #434.

Well, let's have a look here... You Suck... You Suck... Howard Stern Rules... If you can read this you are a dork... Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl... Need more complaint cards... Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a GUY... You will go on a journey happy long time [fortune cookie]... Matthew is a moron... no I'm not... yes you are... no I'm not infinity... yes you are infinity plus one... and this one... I have doobie in my funk (which I assume is from some reference to the Parliament Funkadelic's song Chocolate City... You got peanut butter in my chocolate... you got chocolate in my peanut butter... together they taste like crap... Matthew has been staring at me all day - - - and I love it... and this one says, "I try to be good hard worker man... but refidgamator so messy - so so messy..."

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave... there is a saying, I cried... because I had no desk until I met a man who had no feet... and the no feet guy explained that there was such a thing as a budget... and WNYX was way way over it. The End

so how's that video ripping coming along?

Another time I was cut from the highschool football team... and my mother said, "Central's lost a fullback but the McNeal's have gained a daughter"... and in front of the other players too... priceless!... good times... good times..."


i should have them all ripped before i leave for fla.

You’re like one of those trained police attack dogs they set loose in the wild and then goes all soft and gets eaten by a deer or something…

can you send me some episodes you did rip?

I'll tell ya what...how's about this... I'll come over to your place tonight... completely naked of course except I'll be wearing one of those crazy African masks... does that do it for ya? Huh, super Freak? ... that get your Mojo Risin'?

Mr. James: "You know, when I was in school there was this kid right, he wanted to play football more than anything - coach wouldn't let him because he wasn't big enough... but... did he give up?"
Dave: "I'm assuming for the purposes of this story, no."
Mr. James: "Damn Straight!" No, it just made him try harder and harder, I mean the kid ate like a wild animal everyday, I mean he pumped iron all night long and after two months he got a hernia............. makes you think, huh?."
Dave: "I really don't think I get the point."
Mr. James: "Oh yeah, there's one more thing. That kid's name... that kid's name was Richard Nixon."
Dave: "Richard Millhouse Nixon?"
Mr. James: "What the Hell's his middle name got to do with anything? Dave, the point of the story is... ahh let's see... hernia, wild animals, Nixon... Hell, it's in there somewhere.

Jimmy, when love is unrequited, the whole world is a load of crap... Dylan Thomas, 1988.

john travolta is dancing funny again

you sure this isnt pulp fiction?

Greetings, wage apes.

If I want to be treated like a spoiled baby it's time I acted like one.