But I want an oompah loompah now!
Dave: Hey I have an idea. I'll give up coffee, if you give up cigarettes. Huh? We'll go through this together.
Bill: But you should have to give up something of equal difficulty. Like going to the bathroom.
Quote:do i get spanked for that?
if you're good
A complaint about the complaint box... delicious.
Joe: I don't trust banks
Beth: So you just keep your money in a shoebox under your bed?
Joe: Like I'm gonna tell you where I keep my shoebox!
Lisa: Dave, tell me your deepest, darkest fantasy.
Dave: Oh, no.
Lisa: Oh, come on! You can tell me.
Dave: No, it's too embarrassing.
Lisa: Come on, please?
Dave: Oh, OK. Ever since I was 14 years old, I've always fantasized about making love on the space shuttle...
Lisa: That's very cute.
Dave: ...with a space prostitute.
Did Heaven loose two angels? "Cuz I can see them bouncin around in your blouse!
A dick can be thought of as an eating utensil with special properties.
I've decided to put off watching soaps while I clean. Instead it's a NR marathon!
-You're gonna be bigger than, ...Dave, who's that guy that's really big?
- Andre the Giant?
- No, no, the one that's not dead yet.
- Hulk Hogan?
-That's the one!
Edited By Suzie on 1047843352
A highlight from each episode I watch today.
You want to know how to get a woman? Walk up to her, and whisper the dirtiest thing you can think of in her ear. If she doesn't slap your face and walk away, she's interested.
Duct tape? That stuff's a rip off. I make my own tape.
Jimmy, Rome wasn't burnt in a day.
"If you like a girl, you should buy her flowers."
"All flowers say is, 'I like you but I'm a tongue-tied freak'"
"Or, 'I'm sorry I made a pass at your sister.'"
There is no "right" and "wrong". Only win or lose.