06-14-2003, 02:27 AM
4000 strikeouts, 300 wins. Yay!!!!! :banana: :5: :5: :banana: :bouncer: :21: :banana: :5: :5: :banana: 
mack: :banana: :5: :banana: :toast: :banana:
mack: :banana: :5: :banana: :toast: :banana:Pages: 1 2
06-14-2003, 02:54 AM
:4: :4: :4: You the man :4: :4: :4:
simply outstanding :5:
simply outstanding :5:
06-14-2003, 03:01 AM
my friend was there tonight...must have been awesome
06-14-2003, 05:10 AM
good for him. He deserves it, one of the 3 or 4 best pitchers of the last 50 years.
it should make for a good bill simmons rant too :thumbs-up:
it should make for a good bill simmons rant too :thumbs-up:
06-14-2003, 05:16 AM
One article by Bill Simmons means more to me than Clemens' entire Red Sox career.
06-14-2003, 05:20 AM
bill simmons is great. i spent a day at work last week when i had nothing to do reading old articles i hadn't seen.
06-14-2003, 05:22 AM
by the way, I discovered him in CDIH world.
Soon enough, Kimmel will be gone, and he'll be back to ESPN full time.
Soon enough, Kimmel will be gone, and he'll be back to ESPN full time.
06-14-2003, 05:52 AM
i hear you are also responsible for the carrers of most famous people in the last 10 years.
if gomez was a chick you two would be the couple of the century. you both share a brain and he would be the fat chick of your dreams
if gomez was a chick you two would be the couple of the century. you both share a brain and he would be the fat chick of your dreams
06-14-2003, 03:46 PM
Quote:if gomez was a chick you two would be the couple of the century. you both share a brain and he would be the fat chick of your dreams
The joke store called, they say you've maxed out that line
06-14-2003, 04:07 PM
yeah well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you.
06-14-2003, 04:44 PM
oh yeah? well i had sex with your wife!
06-14-2003, 09:03 PM
when was the last time clemens pitched into the 9th inning?
06-16-2003, 05:56 PM
Im late to this thread, but even though Clemens is a great pitcher,
he still is a jerk.
:8:
he still is a jerk.
:8:
06-16-2003, 06:30 PM
i hear clemens is going to down at the jerk store signing jerks this weekend.
06-19-2003, 12:49 AM
Oh God, please don't let him get a no hitter tonight.
06-19-2003, 12:56 AM
God, please don't let him get a shutout tonight.
06-19-2003, 01:16 AM
those heavy hitting devil rays
06-19-2003, 01:19 AM
Yanks aren't hitting tonight either, though 
06-19-2003, 01:25 AM
Has Soriano gotten a hit in June?
06-19-2003, 01:42 AM
I'll preface this by saying Clemens is one of the 5 best pitchers in baseball history. But he's also an ass.
ARE YOU ROGER CLEMENS?
1. You pitch for several years in a city that rewards you by giving you a huge contract, how do you reward them?
a) Despite the lack of depth on the roster you emulate the greats like Bob Gibson and Steve Carlton and carry your team to the pennant.
b) You try your best, but come up a bit short in the grand tradition of Boston teams.
c) You spend the next three years stuffing your fat face with ho-hos and chicken wings and whining for more money.
2. Due to your antics and poor performance, management decides to let you go elsewhere. You:
a) Take out a full-page ad in the paper thanking the fans for all their support. After all, it was their money that paid for your frequent trips to the all-you-can-eat pizza parlor.
b) Despite some hard feelings, you suck it up ands say nothing, because after all it’s just business.
c) You continue whining and carrying on for the next five years in a manner that would do Bret Hart proud. What an ungrateful fuck you are.
3. When facing one of the other dominant pitchers of your time you:
a) Show your guts by pitching the entire game because you realize this is a showdown.
b) Ask the manager to change the rotation if necessary, because you are The Rocket and you’ll not duck a challenge.
c) Get yourself tossed in the second inning in order to avoid being shown up.
4. Reacting to criticism that you never come inside on players that might charge the mound and kick your ass, what do you do?
a) Throw at any bastard that dares crowd the plate.
b) Come inside when you have to, because that’s the way the game is played.
c) Play nice when facing guys like George Bell and Jose Canseco who might actually kick your ass and content yourself by throwing a bat at the affable and inoffensive Mike Piazza.
5. Interleague play is introduced and you have the opportunity to silence critics by pitching in a NL park and taking your turn at bat, what do you do?
a) Ask the manager to change the rotation, because you’re not afraid of Barry Bonds, the Atlanta Braves, or anyone else in the NL.
b) Take your turn as it comes up, come what may.
c) Beg to switch the rotation so that you don’t risk being knocked down and made to look foolish by an NL pitcher.
6. Your friend is involved in a bar fight, you:
a. Wade in swinging, because you’re a man’s man.
b. Summon the bouncers and help break it up.
c. Wait till the fight’s all but over and jump on a guy’s back. What a hard bastard you are.
7. Your team on the decline, ravaged by injuries and in danger of falling behind the Blue Jays and Red Sox in the standings. You:
a) Show what a clubhouse leader you are and rally the troops.
b) Grit your teeth and do the best job you can.
c) Whine about getting your 300th win and what kind of hat you’re going to wear to the Hall of Fame. You self-centered fuck.
10. What is your favorite color?
a) Red, White and Blue. Just like the US and Texas flags.
b) You don’t have a favorite color.
c) Whatever color George’s checks are printed on this week.
11. When your baseball career is over you will:
a) Work with young players, try to give something back to the game.
b) Spend more time with the family.
c) Eat Little Debbie snack cakes and count your money.
12. October and time for the Fall Classic, you:
a) Lead your team to victory, because that’s what HOFrs do.
b) Go out and turn in a gutsy performance even though the rotation puts you in the uncomfortable position of starting in a NL park.
c) Watch the games on TV, while eating pizza and chicken wings because that’s as close as you or any of the Yankees are going to get this year.
ANSWERS:
Mainly a: You`re not Roger Clemens.
Mainly b: Thank God, neither are you.
Mainly c: Nicely done, you money-grubbing ego-centric fuck. While other players leave their original team and are welcomed back with standing ovations, you enjoy the same status in Boston and Toronto as a Klansman at a NAACP dinner. You’re a bitter bastard that should be closing out a career with nearly 350 wins, but you`ll finish with around 309 (if you`re lucky) because you tanked it for three years because you were unhappy with a contract that YOU SIGNED. You’ll get into the Hall, no doubt of that; however, the only people that will bother turning out for your induction will be Moneybags George and your accountant. You’ll spend the next several years hawking your autograph at card shows and wondering why no one bothers lining up. Piss off.
ARE YOU ROGER CLEMENS?
1. You pitch for several years in a city that rewards you by giving you a huge contract, how do you reward them?
a) Despite the lack of depth on the roster you emulate the greats like Bob Gibson and Steve Carlton and carry your team to the pennant.
b) You try your best, but come up a bit short in the grand tradition of Boston teams.
c) You spend the next three years stuffing your fat face with ho-hos and chicken wings and whining for more money.
2. Due to your antics and poor performance, management decides to let you go elsewhere. You:
a) Take out a full-page ad in the paper thanking the fans for all their support. After all, it was their money that paid for your frequent trips to the all-you-can-eat pizza parlor.
b) Despite some hard feelings, you suck it up ands say nothing, because after all it’s just business.
c) You continue whining and carrying on for the next five years in a manner that would do Bret Hart proud. What an ungrateful fuck you are.
3. When facing one of the other dominant pitchers of your time you:
a) Show your guts by pitching the entire game because you realize this is a showdown.
b) Ask the manager to change the rotation if necessary, because you are The Rocket and you’ll not duck a challenge.
c) Get yourself tossed in the second inning in order to avoid being shown up.
4. Reacting to criticism that you never come inside on players that might charge the mound and kick your ass, what do you do?
a) Throw at any bastard that dares crowd the plate.
b) Come inside when you have to, because that’s the way the game is played.
c) Play nice when facing guys like George Bell and Jose Canseco who might actually kick your ass and content yourself by throwing a bat at the affable and inoffensive Mike Piazza.
5. Interleague play is introduced and you have the opportunity to silence critics by pitching in a NL park and taking your turn at bat, what do you do?
a) Ask the manager to change the rotation, because you’re not afraid of Barry Bonds, the Atlanta Braves, or anyone else in the NL.
b) Take your turn as it comes up, come what may.
c) Beg to switch the rotation so that you don’t risk being knocked down and made to look foolish by an NL pitcher.
6. Your friend is involved in a bar fight, you:
a. Wade in swinging, because you’re a man’s man.
b. Summon the bouncers and help break it up.
c. Wait till the fight’s all but over and jump on a guy’s back. What a hard bastard you are.
7. Your team on the decline, ravaged by injuries and in danger of falling behind the Blue Jays and Red Sox in the standings. You:
a) Show what a clubhouse leader you are and rally the troops.
b) Grit your teeth and do the best job you can.
c) Whine about getting your 300th win and what kind of hat you’re going to wear to the Hall of Fame. You self-centered fuck.
10. What is your favorite color?
a) Red, White and Blue. Just like the US and Texas flags.
b) You don’t have a favorite color.
c) Whatever color George’s checks are printed on this week.
11. When your baseball career is over you will:
a) Work with young players, try to give something back to the game.
b) Spend more time with the family.
c) Eat Little Debbie snack cakes and count your money.
12. October and time for the Fall Classic, you:
a) Lead your team to victory, because that’s what HOFrs do.
b) Go out and turn in a gutsy performance even though the rotation puts you in the uncomfortable position of starting in a NL park.
c) Watch the games on TV, while eating pizza and chicken wings because that’s as close as you or any of the Yankees are going to get this year.
ANSWERS:
Mainly a: You`re not Roger Clemens.
Mainly b: Thank God, neither are you.
Mainly c: Nicely done, you money-grubbing ego-centric fuck. While other players leave their original team and are welcomed back with standing ovations, you enjoy the same status in Boston and Toronto as a Klansman at a NAACP dinner. You’re a bitter bastard that should be closing out a career with nearly 350 wins, but you`ll finish with around 309 (if you`re lucky) because you tanked it for three years because you were unhappy with a contract that YOU SIGNED. You’ll get into the Hall, no doubt of that; however, the only people that will bother turning out for your induction will be Moneybags George and your accountant. You’ll spend the next several years hawking your autograph at card shows and wondering why no one bothers lining up. Piss off.
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