CDIH

So I went to the doctor today for my annual once-every-three-year-checkup, complete with blood and urine test. Now, I knew there'd be a blood test, but I wasn't sure about the urine. So I pissed at about 10:30, an hour before my appointment, knowing that if there was a test, I'd have to go to the lab after the doctor, and I didn't want to have to hold it in for upwards of 3 hours.

Needless to say, I couldn't piss at the lab. I felt like such a failure. Especially since the chick was kinda hot. I may as well have just ejaculated all over the place. I was apologizing left and right; it was quite embarrasing.

I used to be able to piss on demand.. like when I was new at work and pretended to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to do any work. I'd stand in front of the urinal and out of nowhere just start pissing! It was like my bladder was covering for me. Not anymore, though.

Anyway, they sent me home, dejected, with a plastic cup to piss in. I drank a glass of water, still couldn't go. Some apple juice, still nothing. I just finished my first beer, STILL NOTHING. WHAT THE FUCK!?

So now I'm in a situation where I'm too lazy so I don't want to have to drive back there today, but I don't want to have to have a cup of urine sitting around the house all night. (assuming of course my bladder WAKES THE FUCK UP ALREADY!) What do I do with it? Does piss need to be refrigerated? Frozen? Will it even freeze, or is it like alcohol? Will it go bad if it doesn't get analyzed promptly enough?

I just started my 2nd beer, if this doesn't work I'm gonna have to move on to the Jack, which I really don't want to do because I have to work tonight.

Yet another reason not to go to the fuckin doctor!

Try running the water. After some surgery a couple of years ago the nurse came in and told me to piss in the urinal thing and if I didn't they insert a catheter. Needless to say I pissed.

That's the first thing I tried at the lab.

Well it's gonna have to wait till tomorrow now.. I just got Madden delivered!

Quote:my annual once-every-three-year-checkup

genius, you sir are a delight.

you should have rubbed one out...you usually have to pee after you nut...

or he coulda had some M&M's and see if it worked as well for him as it does for you.

:23:

I was in there so long, she probably thought I was doing just that.

After the 2nd beer I finally took a monster piss (33 seconds; my average is 17) and stuck it in the fridge as far away from everything as I could get it. Well, it's on the same shelf as Miller Lite, milk, Jack, and french onion dip. The second the milk, Jack, and dip start tasting like piss, I clean out the entire fridge.

You better not drink any more alcohol...you might have a very nasty story to tell if you do...

And Brandon Short just recovered a fumble 34 yards for a TD!! This day is suddenly looking much better!

I don't think I've ever timed how long it takes me to piss. Let alone average it.

if you can't piss. count down from 10. It works every time.

Oh god. It worked.

And I wasn't even in the bathroom. :-(

:1: :14:

I'm gonna make myself sit here in it. Till I learn that it's bad... BAD!

try cleaning it up instead you dirty bastard.

Galt Wrote:if you can't piss. count down from 10. It works every time.

that really doesn't work. if anything it's added pressure.

waiting till I have to pee usually works for me.

The Sleeper Wrote:

Galt Wrote:if you can't piss. count down from 10. It works every time.

that really doesn't work. if anything it's added pressure.

Don't do it out loud.

If you silently count to yourself it will start the floodgates.

Whenever I have stage freight. Boom. Works every time.

nah dude, counting down makes me focus too much on the fact that i have to take a piss, which always causes stage fright. I always try to distract myself with other stuff, like I'll take a bunch of napkins and start biting them or something. yes i know it's weird, but i have problems.