01-03-2004, 02:54 AM
I don't think I've brought this up before, but the whole story is detailed below
My brother just turned 32. He started dating a girl when he was 18, dated her steadily, got married in '99, then divorced (as apparently is not too uncommon for high school sweetheart relationships) in the fall of '02. He moved away from Boston; down to NYC, and I moved in with him about a year later.
And...here....is just one of his stories sent via email to one of his grad school chums.
My brother just turned 32. He started dating a girl when he was 18, dated her steadily, got married in '99, then divorced (as apparently is not too uncommon for high school sweetheart relationships) in the fall of '02. He moved away from Boston; down to NYC, and I moved in with him about a year later.
And...here....is just one of his stories sent via email to one of his grad school chums.
Quote:On to the more juvenile front, rest assured that chizmania put the screws to an 18 year old Irish lass last weekend. Averaging 3.67 rails per day over the long weekend made for a memorable time - I dedicate one of these to the big top, and a hosedown was given in your honor.
Let me also say, that we have but one sugar packet to thank for the good time had, and this sugar packet is absolute proof of divine intervention, and of God's will being done on earth. You see, when I met this young girl in October in a Dublin pub, she was but 17 years of age. It was this, and other circumstances, that led me to the decision to NOT call her during the remainder of my stay in Dublin (2 more days). The extent of our contact therefore was but a goodbye handshake and kiss on the cheek. I informed her I was a little older - 23, and thought she would quickly forget me after that evening in Temple Bar. So I left nearly a decade off my age...it doesn't matter, as we'll never again cross paths.
About a week after I returned to the US, my phone rang, with a "number not available" screen displayed. Surprisingly, it was my 17 year old friend, informing me of her disappointment that I hadn't called. I later came to find out her 18th birthday was but a few weeks away - the beginning of November. At this time I began wrestling with how I could achieve something I hadn't in so long - about 12 years I'd guess - the sacred and lovely act of railing a teenager. Over the past year I had accomplished much - railing women of nearly every race, of various sizes, and had even once again managed to tag a virgin. However, I still had not been "back to high school", and honesly hadn't thought it possible. These are the things we read about in Penthouse forum - and they are all made up....or so I thought. Also, there was the question of whether it was right or not. Of course, 18 is legal, but is there something wrong about drilling someone so young and innocent? I was searching for an answer, but didn't know where to turn, the mental anguish becoming almost incapacitating.
During the pinnacle of this moral dilemma some 6 weeks ago, during an evening of alcoholic imbibery with my younger brother, we discussed whether I should invite this lass to the US for a long weekend of depravity. It was suggested during this drunken conversation that we leave it to the Lord, and find a vehicle for him to communicate his wishes. Had the Lord answered a prayer by providing this young piece of flesh for my enjoyment? Or, rather, was this a moral test that would brand me as someone who would one day ascend to the heavens, or be forever banished to the fire and brimstone down below? So the dilemma is how I understand what the Lord is trying to say. As we know, "the lord communicates in strange and mysterious ways". Should I visit a church and hope the message becomes more clear? Go to confession and discuss the moral dilemma with a priest? Read the Bible and find an analogy that may answer this riddle that continues to plague my every thought?
The scene - ironically, is an Irish pub in midtown Manhattan. And not just any Irish pub, but one in which those without Irish accents are the minority. The lights are dim, and although it's not legal, there are some people smoking, adding to the authentic feeling of being back in Dublin. It's approximately midnight on a Friday evening. It was laziness rather than creativity that led us to the first available object - a Sweet & Low packet resting on the edge of the bar table. "Heads", it was decided, would indicate the Lord wished me to deflower this young girl, and "tails" indicated that such an act would be considered a mortal sin. With much anticipation, and a racing heart, the Sweet & Low packet was tossed to the heavens by my sibling, and the Lord sent it back to rest on the table, with "heads" clearly displayed, laying in such a manner on the table that the packet reflected in the dimly lit establishment as if it had a halo surrounding it.
I won't bore you with the logistical details of coordinating the trip, the fear that I might get stood up at the airport, or the details of the 3 day festival of teenage love. But in the coming weeks a young girl in Ireland will return to high school after her Christmas holiday, sporting "Essence de Chiz" from various hosedowns, and this, my good friend, gives me a tremendous sense of pride; not just for the act of dinging a teen, but for carrying out the will of the Lord.
Will we meet again? At this point, I don't know. While she is up to a follow-up, and the time we spent together was quite enjoyable, the marginal utility of a second tagging session can in no way reach the level achieved this past week. This, my friend, as you well know, is the application of basic economic theory. It is the MBA however, that makes it obvious such complex theory can also be applied to young, sweet, teenage, vagina. If you are starving to death, and find a pizza, certainly this will be the best morsel of food to ever pass your lips. Months later, while you still may enjoy a pie now and again, in now way can the satisfaction ever compare to that of the one found while starving. I will again leave it in the hands of the Almighty Father to decide if another teenage pie lies ahead.
The vehicle of the Lord, the Sweet & Low packet, has both a special place in my heart, and in my filing cabinet, where it will remain for eternity as proof of the existence of the Lord Almighty. And should anyone ever doubt the presence of a higher being, I will communicate this tale, with the hope they see the light as clearly as I. Although I considered attempting to have it placed in the Smithsonian Institute, I dare not part with this treasure.
fyi - my brother is copied on this message, as a public thank you for his effort in helping me find God