CDIH

that nobody really likes. He's an alright guy I guess, but he just does not know how to shut the fuck up. He has the mentality and social skills of a 5-year old with downs syndrome, only worse. He was born without the ability to carry on a rational, halfway intelligent conversation. Last night it was just the two of us working for a couple of hours so I decided to try and log these "conversations" as best I could. Of course this is not an exact log; just the highlights. As much as I would like to just completely ignore the guy all night, it would just create too awkward an atmosphere. So, as you can see, I have to play along when need be.




-Do you mind if I go to Smith's?
-no, sure, go ahead
-yeah, last Sunday Jesse got this Texas Toast from there and damn it smelled good.. I had some spaghetti today and I was like damn, there's no garlic bread to go with it!
-uh huh
-I have my re-training tomorrow, i don't know if you knew or not
-on a Saturday? that's odd
-yeah, I guess Robert's gonna come in around 3:30 and take lunch. I don't know how long it's for though, or if it's just one day
-that would be kind of pointless if it were just one day
-yeah i know. I'm putting together a list of things to go over for it
-uh huh, that's good
-Tim was saying I don't have enough confidence in myself and that I add too much case notes. I guess the reason they moved me off of day shift was because I was too slow. Is that what you heard too?
-Yeah something like that, I don't know
-Did you see that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa builds the underwater city?
-uh .. yeah I remember that one
-She puts her tooth in the water and it grows into a whole big city.
-yup.
-I guess they did on that South Park too - Simpsons already did it.
-Yeah, that was a good episode
-I like it when Cartman makes songs on Stan's mom
-It's Kyle's mom
-oh right, sorry. [singing] Kyle's mom's a bitch. a bitch bitch bitch bitch a bitch bitch bitch! heheheheh
-ehh
-Is Butters still on the show?
-yeah

[I browse to the box score of the Mavs-Nuggets game - Dallas 86 Denver 84]
-Damn, Denver is almost kicking their ass!.. I thought they sucked.
-No, they're pretty good this year
-The Denver ...... what's their team name again?
-Nuggets
-yeah, that's what I thought
[phone rings]
-do you want me to get that?
-NO, NO! I GOT IT.. Weren't you going to go to Smith's??
-yeah

--------------------------

[comes back from the store, sits next to me again]
-hey ... look! (shows me the box of texas toast)
-uh huh..
-do you want some?
-no thanks, I'm good
-there's 8 of them, I'm not gonna eat them all myself! heheheh
[dead silence .. walks away to make his toast]

[comes back 2 minutes later and sits down. I fart fairly loud, with the hopes of driving him away]
-like in Biodome.. you know.. when one of them farts and the other tries to smell what they ate. heheheheh
-o ... kay
-Do you watch Sci-Fi at all?
-the channel?
-yeah
-no, not really
-there's this new show with the purple alien with 3 heads .. I mean 3 eyes, and the one chick with big boobs ....[at this point he starts talking about some sci-fi crap and I just completely block everything out, all I remember is..]
-So it turns out he was working on the freezer instead of on the transfluxor! [heavy laughter]
[I just smile and nod uncomfortably. Start to go through my bag to find something to do/read so maybe he will take the hint and leave]
-damn you got a lot of magazines in there
-yeah
[goes to finish making toast, then eats and does some work]

-----------------------------

[about 45 min later..]
-so who won that game?
-Dallas
-damn. do you know how hot it is in here when I get in?
-78
-yeah, you know why?
-...
-because of Ian I think.. or someone else who's turning it up. Sometimes it's like I can wear shorts in here! [chuckles]
[goes to the bathroom, then back to his cube]

-----------------------------

Tonight I think I'm going to start playing along some more to egg him on and see how stupid and annoying a human being can be. I'm not sure how much I can take though...

I like the ones that just flat out lie to you and tell you things they saw on tv or a movie and pretend that it was happening to them.

I only work with that guy on Wednesday. xXx is based on his life story.

Quote:-do you want some?
-no thanks, I'm good
-there's 8 of them, I'm not gonna eat them all myself! heheheh
[dead silence .. walks away to make his toast]

I visualized the entire story but this part made me laugh the most.

This was the most amazing story ever, I need more...

I love people who get like 10 personal calls over the course of the day. I told this guy's wife one time that she had to first PLUG IN the vacuum and then it will work properly. She was quite puzzled but seemed appreciative.

I had two roommates who were like this. One replaced the other. One wasn't that bright, and didn't know how to tell a story. It wasn't awkward talking to him, it was just that he really couldn't communicate well. Kind of like talking to someone with a speech impediment. You know what they are trying to say, but have to wait a few seconds for them to get it out.

The second guy was much more like your co-worker. He would just jump from random story to random story because they were all somehow connected in his head; he just didn't bother to share that connection with us, so you would get totally lost as he jumped from place to place and trailed off when he talked.

I love these kind of threads

i know this retarded kid at school, and when he tries to talk, we throw stuff at him. its awesome

the face of your murderer

i love how he went from how slow he is to lisa creating the underwater city on the simpsons

diceisgod Wrote:I love people who get like 10 personal calls over the course of the day. I told this guy's wife one time that she had to first PLUG IN the vacuum and then it will work properly. She was quite puzzled but seemed appreciative.

My operations manger would constantly get calls from his wife. I don't mean like the normal amount, I understand your spouse calling once, twice... maybe three times. But she would call about every 20 minutes and if he wasn't around she would go psychotic. He was a real tough guy, I loved workin with him cause he took no shit but when it came to his wife he was beyond whipped.

So one day he finally has it, we had a whole fucked up day, everything was going wrong. She's callin and he's sayin "I'm sorry it's a mess lemme call you back".

she calls 2 minutes later "let me call you back"

this goes on for like 30 minutes, shes callin every 2 minutes.

Finally he loses it and calls her an annoying cunt and hangs up, everyone looks at him for about 10 seconds and applauds him for finally takin a stand. He walks out for a smoke, as he walks out he's taking bows and the whole deal.

So he's gone and the she devil calls back. I answer the phone and she starts yapping about how she wants to divorce him. Then before I know it for some reason I am consoling her cause shes kinda hot and I figure maybe I get a fuck in. So I got nothin to do and I am talkin to her and she goes into really personal stuff about how hes always workin and never home and the kids miss him and then she says "and we havent had sex in 8 months!!!"

This was like a crossroad, time slowed down the whole deal... as I am trying to gather what to say and weight out all options that son of a bitch has to come back and make me feel horrible. So I get all nervous and just yell "yeah well you should be greatful to have a saint for a husband!!" and hung up.

I bet I coulda worked that pussy out and good!!

-Hey did you see the moon yesterday?
-yeah, it was crescent
-yeah but did you see the color of it? It was an orange-red. I can't wait until it's just pure red.
-uh huh
[I try to get to netflix but get the MSN search page]
-hmm I wonder why the fuck I can't get to netflix
-maybe they have it blocked
-no, then I'd probably get a proxy error. Maybe netflix is down or something
-It could be netflix is down or something
-hmm.. you know what I think? I think netflix might be down ... you know, or something.
-yeah. I bought Johnny English yestrerday. It sucked, but it's a good movie to watch
-HUH??
-I also got American Wedding. You know that guy from the first one wasn't even in it. That guy that married Katie Holmes.. she's hot
-I don't know, I haven't even seen the second one
-I have that too
-So do I; I just haven't bothered to watch it.
-oh. heheheh
-----------------------
[45 minutes after I get off a conference call]
-so you had 3 people on there?
-what?
you had 3 people on that case?
-yeah
------------------------
-Shit, I wanted to ask my mom to ask my dad something but now I forgot
-forgot what you were going to ask?
-yeah
-oh
-Shit, it's gonna drive me crazy now!
[2 minutes later]
-oh yeah, that's it! It was my dog's paws - one of them is all red and swollen, and the other one keeps on chewing on his.
-ah ha!!
-so did you make your bets yet for tomorrow?
-yeah
-so how much do you bet if you don't mind me asking?
-I put $50 on a 4-teamer
-wait I thought there were only 2 games
-yes, i took the over/unders on both, too
-oh. so what do you get if you win
-the 4-teamer pays 12 to 1
-wow so that's what, 1200 or something?
-no, it's 50 times 12, which would be 600.
-oh right, that's what I meant. So whoever wins tomorrow goes to the Super Bowl, right?
-yes
-who do you think's gonna win
-I took Carolina and New England
-so Carolina's in the AFC right?
-NFC
-oh right, I always forget that. 'cause there's some teams in the AFC in the east coast and some in the west and all that
-yeah, I know. It's really complicated.
------------------------------
-Shit, it's only 8? I want to go home
-seriously
-you probably wanted to go home before you even woke up this morning, huh?
-well not really, seeing as how I woke up in the afternoon, and was already home anyway
-oh. heheheh
-That really didn't make any sense.
-I just m ......... ah nevermind. heheh
[very awkward silence, but well worth it as he kept quiet for a while]
-------------------------------
[about an hour later]
-Hey you know that South Park with Token?
-which one?
-The Cartman silly hate crime
-what about it?
-Is Token black?
-yeah.

Quote:-no, then I'd probably get a proxy error. Maybe netflix is down or something
-It could be netflix is down or something
-hmm.. you know what I think? I think netflix might be down ... you know, or something.
-yeah. I bought Johnny English yestrerday. It sucked, but it's a good movie to watch

that's just amazing, please tell me you are creating a script out of this. I would without a doubt pay to see this on film.

Quote:-Hey you know that South Park with Token?
-which one?
-The Cartman silly hate crime
-what about it?
-Is Token black?
-yeah.

there is no way that anyone could really be that dumb

we need to get him to be a member.
comedy gold!!

He would be king at YMB

Quote:-oh right, I always forget that. 'cause there's some teams in the AFC in the east coast and some in the west and all that
-yeah, I know. It's really complicated.

i love you

oh man I can't stop laughing because I can just picture you uttering that line with extreme sarcasm and he has no clue. oh man too good.

I bet he doesn't even realize that you're better than him.

even if he did, what could he do?