you just jerked off to the thought of your ex girlfriend who is married now? Not wrong. Just kind of pathetic.
while you were masturbating to her picture on your Philly Wall of Fame, did you find yourself glancing towards the Lenny Dykstra picture more than once?
I was also doing commentary like Harry Kalas:
SWING AND A LONG DRIVE!! WATCH THAT BABY!!! OUTTA HERE, LENNY DYKSTRA!!!