10-18-2004, 10:27 PM
Dear All,
GrandMom Mc has decided to go back to Ridge Avenue on a permanent basis. K is picking her up this morning (Friday, October 15). I know she mentioned to K before that she would like to get her car back, but to tell you the truth, I don't think she should be driving. She moves much too slowly and I would imagine her reaction time would be very diminished.
Last week and earlier this week, I thought she had a major break through, though now I'm not so sure. It may have been just an short lived "up" period. She really started showing an interest in things as indicated by her calling J, Aunt B and E, but that seems to have waned.
She has not demonstrated much independence during her time here, but some of that may be my fault; maybe I did too much for her instead of making her do for herself. Her appetite seems to have improved a bit during the past week or so and she doesn't seem to be as anxious.
Anyway, I told her she has to be sure to take her medications, to eat and to stay in contact with the outside world. No avoiding phone calls and turning away visitors! I also told her that if she feels as though she's regressing she needs to let someone know ASAP!
I think we'll need to keep a close watch on her for the first week or so until we're confident that she's ok there. She'll definitely need someone to go to the store for her and to make sure there is food for her. She'll also need to keep track of the prescriptions and when they need to be renewed. I told her we would get her bed back down there after she's sure she wants to stay.
Well, that's the latest. I hope you are all doing well and I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Take care,
Aunt T
>
> So, that's the latest
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear T,
Thank you for everything you've done for Mom. You've been great with her and I am sure that without your care over these past months, she would be in much worse shape than she is now. I'm so glad to hear that she has shown improvement this week. Maybe this really is a turning point for her.
We can go over to see her on Sunday. I'll call her tomorrow and ask her to make up a grocery list so that we can get some shopping done for her on Sunday.
I will offer to help her manage her prescriptions. I'm not sure if she'll let me, but I'll offer.
I'll also bring the info that we've collected on in-home companions. I may hold onto that for a while, depending on how she seems.
Thanks again for everything.
Aunt S
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi all!
Well, I guess that's great news. My concerns, T, are the same as yours - I do not feel that she should be driving although it's a good sign that she wants to. Will she eat, take meds consistently? Also, does she feel confident taking a shower, I know when she was here that she wasn't. Maybe she needs a chair for inside the tub?
Let me echo S's sentiments, T - thank you, thank you, thank you!
xoxox Aunt C
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(innocent enough....let's turn this ugly..hehe)
Greetings,
In my opinion, arrangements (if they are not already) will have to be made to check in on her regularly throughout the week when i am at work. My observations of her do not give me confidence that she is able or competent to be left on her own. Maybe it will take sometime for her to readjust. However, for now she seems disoriented and aloof and is deathly thin. Unless there is a miraculous turn around through the course of today and tonight, I don't think she is capable of being here alone. Please keep me advised as to what the plans are for the week. Thanks.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG, I will be over to see Mom on Wednesday around 11am. I told her that I'll be happy to run to the store or the pharmacy or do some housework or whatever. Of course, she said not to bother coming because she won't need anything, but I told her that I'll be there anyway. She wouldn't eat anything while we were there today but maybe I'll bring her some lunch on Wednesday and see what happens.
Aunt S
(wednesday? I don't likey)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hello everyone,
You can visit Granny in the Hospital. Enjoy your visit.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG, what happened?
Aunt S
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
She pissed the bed. That by itself is no big deal. However, when I asked her why she said "Because I was too weak to get up and go to the bathroom." This is because she does not eat. This is obvious. I can tell by looking at her.
This is the plan. She is going to spend a few weeks or whatever it takes at the Hospital to get back
to a safe weight. Then she can come back. I don't know how her mental health will be at that point, I'm guessing the same. But I have bought an anxiety management program (i've talked about this with C and my mother in the past) over the weekend that I will force her to try and get through. She will still go to her psych and maintain her medication, I just want see if this program will have any positive effects. At this point there is nothing to lose.
But anyway, I called my mother this morning and told her to take her the hospitalso I can go to work. She said she didn't want to go and she said she would start eating. Bullshit. I told her I don't care what she wants and that I am in charge now. In the meantime, it would be swell if people could start looking into making arrangements for her permanent care. Leaving her at home alone is a death sentence and I won't allow it. I will visit her at the hospital regularly and take care of whatever she needs taken care of until I think she is ready to be released.
-DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Y'all!
My turn to chime in. It is time for Mom to sell the house and T&T to build on! Enough of the gentle cajoling and cradling - it has to be done. It is time that everyone make Mom understand that she cannot keep this up - it is wearing thin on everyone in her family (no pun intended).
The only other option I see is renting out the house, getting a home equity loan to allow T&T to start the building project. Enough is enough - I'm sick of it! Aunt c
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG,
No offense DIG, but you are not in charge.
Your grandmother wet the bed because she is incontinent at times. She has had other "accidents" as well. She occasionally wears Depends and sanitary pads to combat the problem. It is not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. It has nothing to do with being too "weak" to get to the bathroom. She only told you that to save herself the embarrassment of explaining her condition.
Your grandmother does eat. Perhaps not enough to satisfy you, but certainly enough to sustain her. She has regular visits to Dr. BOB and he is certainly not panicking over her weight. Many older people lose their appetite. It's a fact of getting old. She is thin, but she is maintaining her weight. It is likely she will not gain any weight.
The doctors will decide how much, if any, time she'll spend in the hospital. Your grandmother is not incompetent and cannot be bullied into doing what you or anyone else wants or bullied into getting well. You cannot force her, nor should you, to go through any program that she is not interested in pursuing. Dr. PHIL can probably convince her to attend a mental health program a few days a week which is aimed specifically at seniors. It would simply be a matter of getting her there and home.
Arrangements for her continuing care must include her input. She ultimately has buy into the final decision or it will not work. C is right. It's time for her to make a decision on where she wants to spend her remaining years. Her options are pretty much as follows: move in with T & me, go to C's, go to an "assisted" living facility or stay at home alone. Once she gets back home, her children can urge her to make a decision.
Aunt T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Whatever. As long as she is on my watch: I am in charge. She is incompetent whether or not you realize it. She has been admitted to the hospital. Tim was there. Ask him. She is a mess, malnurished and one fall from the end.
Don't like my decision? Go get her and deal with it.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG,
I have been "dealing" with your grandmother almost full time for many months (March 26, 2004 - July 6, 2004; August 17, 2004 - October 15, 2004) at great sacrifice to my paycheck and to my family. I have bathed her, cleaned up after her "accidents", went to great lengths to find foods that she would eat, did her wash, shopping, doctor appointments, stayed home to keep her company and whatever else she needed. I am well aware of her condition and needs. So, don't you cop an attitude with me.
Aunt T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
blah blah blah. I'm not going to get into a pissing match with anyone. Like I said, if you don't like how I have handled this situation then you handle it. But for God's sake somebody do SOMETHING. Let's all play the "look what I sacrificed game". It's my turn:
- Went unemployed for almost four months last year dealing with her
- Spent hours and hours in and out of the emergency rooms
- Keeping up this house and it's bills
- Putting up with second guess crap like this
I don't care though. I did it for my Grandmother and no one else. Although I have tried to make all of your lives easier. I have given you all a really good idea of what needs to be done. But what happened? She gets sent back here a mess, with no real, reasonable plan for her long term care. Nobody wants to talk about it other than wishy washy crap. People can barely look each other in the eye or talk openly about it. Well I'm talking about it. Although I appreciate and respect what everyone has contributed as far as taking care of her, I rate the collective effort a big fat F. I suggest somebody step up to the plate and do something reasonable. If not, I guess I'll have to do it. If people second guess me I will cop attitude and you will not like me if you don't already. I could care less. Have a nice day.
DIG
GrandMom Mc has decided to go back to Ridge Avenue on a permanent basis. K is picking her up this morning (Friday, October 15). I know she mentioned to K before that she would like to get her car back, but to tell you the truth, I don't think she should be driving. She moves much too slowly and I would imagine her reaction time would be very diminished.
Last week and earlier this week, I thought she had a major break through, though now I'm not so sure. It may have been just an short lived "up" period. She really started showing an interest in things as indicated by her calling J, Aunt B and E, but that seems to have waned.
She has not demonstrated much independence during her time here, but some of that may be my fault; maybe I did too much for her instead of making her do for herself. Her appetite seems to have improved a bit during the past week or so and she doesn't seem to be as anxious.
Anyway, I told her she has to be sure to take her medications, to eat and to stay in contact with the outside world. No avoiding phone calls and turning away visitors! I also told her that if she feels as though she's regressing she needs to let someone know ASAP!
I think we'll need to keep a close watch on her for the first week or so until we're confident that she's ok there. She'll definitely need someone to go to the store for her and to make sure there is food for her. She'll also need to keep track of the prescriptions and when they need to be renewed. I told her we would get her bed back down there after she's sure she wants to stay.
Well, that's the latest. I hope you are all doing well and I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Take care,
Aunt T
>
> So, that's the latest
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear T,
Thank you for everything you've done for Mom. You've been great with her and I am sure that without your care over these past months, she would be in much worse shape than she is now. I'm so glad to hear that she has shown improvement this week. Maybe this really is a turning point for her.
We can go over to see her on Sunday. I'll call her tomorrow and ask her to make up a grocery list so that we can get some shopping done for her on Sunday.
I will offer to help her manage her prescriptions. I'm not sure if she'll let me, but I'll offer.
I'll also bring the info that we've collected on in-home companions. I may hold onto that for a while, depending on how she seems.
Thanks again for everything.
Aunt S
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi all!
Well, I guess that's great news. My concerns, T, are the same as yours - I do not feel that she should be driving although it's a good sign that she wants to. Will she eat, take meds consistently? Also, does she feel confident taking a shower, I know when she was here that she wasn't. Maybe she needs a chair for inside the tub?
Let me echo S's sentiments, T - thank you, thank you, thank you!
xoxox Aunt C
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(innocent enough....let's turn this ugly..hehe)
Greetings,
In my opinion, arrangements (if they are not already) will have to be made to check in on her regularly throughout the week when i am at work. My observations of her do not give me confidence that she is able or competent to be left on her own. Maybe it will take sometime for her to readjust. However, for now she seems disoriented and aloof and is deathly thin. Unless there is a miraculous turn around through the course of today and tonight, I don't think she is capable of being here alone. Please keep me advised as to what the plans are for the week. Thanks.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG, I will be over to see Mom on Wednesday around 11am. I told her that I'll be happy to run to the store or the pharmacy or do some housework or whatever. Of course, she said not to bother coming because she won't need anything, but I told her that I'll be there anyway. She wouldn't eat anything while we were there today but maybe I'll bring her some lunch on Wednesday and see what happens.
Aunt S
(wednesday? I don't likey)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hello everyone,
You can visit Granny in the Hospital. Enjoy your visit.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG, what happened?
Aunt S
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
She pissed the bed. That by itself is no big deal. However, when I asked her why she said "Because I was too weak to get up and go to the bathroom." This is because she does not eat. This is obvious. I can tell by looking at her.
This is the plan. She is going to spend a few weeks or whatever it takes at the Hospital to get back
to a safe weight. Then she can come back. I don't know how her mental health will be at that point, I'm guessing the same. But I have bought an anxiety management program (i've talked about this with C and my mother in the past) over the weekend that I will force her to try and get through. She will still go to her psych and maintain her medication, I just want see if this program will have any positive effects. At this point there is nothing to lose.
But anyway, I called my mother this morning and told her to take her the hospitalso I can go to work. She said she didn't want to go and she said she would start eating. Bullshit. I told her I don't care what she wants and that I am in charge now. In the meantime, it would be swell if people could start looking into making arrangements for her permanent care. Leaving her at home alone is a death sentence and I won't allow it. I will visit her at the hospital regularly and take care of whatever she needs taken care of until I think she is ready to be released.
-DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi Y'all!
My turn to chime in. It is time for Mom to sell the house and T&T to build on! Enough of the gentle cajoling and cradling - it has to be done. It is time that everyone make Mom understand that she cannot keep this up - it is wearing thin on everyone in her family (no pun intended).
The only other option I see is renting out the house, getting a home equity loan to allow T&T to start the building project. Enough is enough - I'm sick of it! Aunt c
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG,
No offense DIG, but you are not in charge.
Your grandmother wet the bed because she is incontinent at times. She has had other "accidents" as well. She occasionally wears Depends and sanitary pads to combat the problem. It is not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. It has nothing to do with being too "weak" to get to the bathroom. She only told you that to save herself the embarrassment of explaining her condition.
Your grandmother does eat. Perhaps not enough to satisfy you, but certainly enough to sustain her. She has regular visits to Dr. BOB and he is certainly not panicking over her weight. Many older people lose their appetite. It's a fact of getting old. She is thin, but she is maintaining her weight. It is likely she will not gain any weight.
The doctors will decide how much, if any, time she'll spend in the hospital. Your grandmother is not incompetent and cannot be bullied into doing what you or anyone else wants or bullied into getting well. You cannot force her, nor should you, to go through any program that she is not interested in pursuing. Dr. PHIL can probably convince her to attend a mental health program a few days a week which is aimed specifically at seniors. It would simply be a matter of getting her there and home.
Arrangements for her continuing care must include her input. She ultimately has buy into the final decision or it will not work. C is right. It's time for her to make a decision on where she wants to spend her remaining years. Her options are pretty much as follows: move in with T & me, go to C's, go to an "assisted" living facility or stay at home alone. Once she gets back home, her children can urge her to make a decision.
Aunt T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Whatever. As long as she is on my watch: I am in charge. She is incompetent whether or not you realize it. She has been admitted to the hospital. Tim was there. Ask him. She is a mess, malnurished and one fall from the end.
Don't like my decision? Go get her and deal with it.
DIG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DIG,
I have been "dealing" with your grandmother almost full time for many months (March 26, 2004 - July 6, 2004; August 17, 2004 - October 15, 2004) at great sacrifice to my paycheck and to my family. I have bathed her, cleaned up after her "accidents", went to great lengths to find foods that she would eat, did her wash, shopping, doctor appointments, stayed home to keep her company and whatever else she needed. I am well aware of her condition and needs. So, don't you cop an attitude with me.
Aunt T
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
blah blah blah. I'm not going to get into a pissing match with anyone. Like I said, if you don't like how I have handled this situation then you handle it. But for God's sake somebody do SOMETHING. Let's all play the "look what I sacrificed game". It's my turn:
- Went unemployed for almost four months last year dealing with her
- Spent hours and hours in and out of the emergency rooms
- Keeping up this house and it's bills
- Putting up with second guess crap like this
I don't care though. I did it for my Grandmother and no one else. Although I have tried to make all of your lives easier. I have given you all a really good idea of what needs to be done. But what happened? She gets sent back here a mess, with no real, reasonable plan for her long term care. Nobody wants to talk about it other than wishy washy crap. People can barely look each other in the eye or talk openly about it. Well I'm talking about it. Although I appreciate and respect what everyone has contributed as far as taking care of her, I rate the collective effort a big fat F. I suggest somebody step up to the plate and do something reasonable. If not, I guess I'll have to do it. If people second guess me I will cop attitude and you will not like me if you don't already. I could care less. Have a nice day.
DIG