10-21-2004, 06:21 PM
Family Feud.
So my family has a black sheep and no, it isn’t me.
It’s my cousin Tony.
He’s always been very introverted and unlike the rest of us.
When we were into sports he was into magic.
When we were watching games on TV he was recording soap operas to watch later.
When we were dating girls he was home, doing home work.
Of course because of these we always referred to him as the family fag.
But none of us ever really thought that.
Maybe it was because of this ridicule that if he did have a girlfriend throughout college or after, we never knew about it. He wasn’t femmie acting but quite the opposite.
Some would call him conceited but I always thought of him as just shy.
See, his father used to abuse his mother, left my aunt penniless with 3 kids after “borrowing” 10 grand from my grandparents to “make ends meet” for his family.
Tony was the oldest so I felt he felt the need to mature faster and be the man of the family. Tony was very smart, graduated college with straight A’s, got a job with the government in Washington DC then left that job for a private firm in Florida making ridiculous money.
Because of this, a few jealous family members who achieved less in life always thought Tony was condescending towards us. Maybe they were right.
I never agreed with them until my grandfather got in really bad shape last year.
Our family was extremely tight, because of my grandfather who was the centerpiece of my family and our little town. Everyone loved him.
So when Tony did finally fly home to “see pop” the first time knowing he had very little time – he stopped by my grandparents house for one day then left to stay in Syracuse for 3 days, to hang out with his friends then he went back home to Florida.
This pissed everyone off, even me. What a piece of shit. When his dad left, it was my grandfather who took care of him, his brother, his sister and his mother. And on his deathbed what does he do? Stops by for a few hours then take off to hang with his buddies for the remainder of his trip.
His way of making things right was to not help gram and pop out with money since he had a shit load of it. What did he do? With a 78 year old man barely being able to walk and my 75 year old grandmother who’s frail bones were barely keeping up and trying to take car of pop – he get’s them….a puppy.
Yep, a fucking puppy. Like they need this headache and work.
Some say that was his way of dealing with it. I say bullshit.
So before pop finally passed – a few months later he (Tony) flew back to town and stopped by my grandparents house, left a note written exactly like this.
“Hello gram and pop. I just got into town. Stopped by but you weren’t here”
Tony
Uhm, they weren’t there? No shit Sherlock, POP IS IN THE FUCKINGOSPITAL.
I saw this note because I stopped by gram & pops just after he did, I guess.
Seeing the large space he left between his note and his name – and seeing how he left the pen he wrote the note with laying right there next to the paper, I felt the urge to “add to his note”.
I amended it to read as follows.
In black are Tony’s words – in red are my additions.
“Hello gram and pop. I just got into town. Stopped by but you weren’t here”
I was hoping to see you first to let you in on the good news. I have finally come out of the closet and I wanted to share my joy with the people I love most, you.
Yes gram & pop, I am gay. This may be a shocker now but it really shouldn’t be.
I will explain everything later tonight and you will get to meet my lover, Sheldon because he made the trip with me to support me in pop’s time of need.
Tony
Now remember, I thought Tony would stop back in, see the note and give me the business for writing it.
I was wrong. My grandmother stopped home first. She read it and believed it.
Immediately called my aunt Donna, (Tony’s mother) crying and asked to speak to Tony.
Tony wasn’t there so gramma asked Donna if she knew.
Aunt Donna said, “Knew what?”
Gramma told her and low and behold, Aunt Donna believed it!
This sparked a tirade of phone calls between family members informing one another about Tony’s gayness. Finally Aunt Donna got hold of Tony – he told her it wasn’t true.
I didn’t know any of this was going on until mom called me at home.
She said “Have you been to your grandmothers”?
I said “Yeah, why”
She said “Did you write a note saying it was from Tony”?
I said “Well I added to an existing note, why”?
She said “You son of a bitch, your grandmother and aunt are in tears and Tony is irate that they would believe it in the first place”
I said “You’re kidding me. They believed it? That’s awesome!”
It was then mom hung up on me.
Can you imagine?
Your own family believing it? Not questioning it?
As if they were just waiting for it to be revealed?
I tell you, I got a kick out of it but not even I could’ve burned my cousin worse than his own mother unquestionably believing he was gay.
So my family has a black sheep and no, it isn’t me.
It’s my cousin Tony.
He’s always been very introverted and unlike the rest of us.
When we were into sports he was into magic.
When we were watching games on TV he was recording soap operas to watch later.
When we were dating girls he was home, doing home work.
Of course because of these we always referred to him as the family fag.
But none of us ever really thought that.
Maybe it was because of this ridicule that if he did have a girlfriend throughout college or after, we never knew about it. He wasn’t femmie acting but quite the opposite.
Some would call him conceited but I always thought of him as just shy.
See, his father used to abuse his mother, left my aunt penniless with 3 kids after “borrowing” 10 grand from my grandparents to “make ends meet” for his family.
Tony was the oldest so I felt he felt the need to mature faster and be the man of the family. Tony was very smart, graduated college with straight A’s, got a job with the government in Washington DC then left that job for a private firm in Florida making ridiculous money.
Because of this, a few jealous family members who achieved less in life always thought Tony was condescending towards us. Maybe they were right.
I never agreed with them until my grandfather got in really bad shape last year.
Our family was extremely tight, because of my grandfather who was the centerpiece of my family and our little town. Everyone loved him.
So when Tony did finally fly home to “see pop” the first time knowing he had very little time – he stopped by my grandparents house for one day then left to stay in Syracuse for 3 days, to hang out with his friends then he went back home to Florida.
This pissed everyone off, even me. What a piece of shit. When his dad left, it was my grandfather who took care of him, his brother, his sister and his mother. And on his deathbed what does he do? Stops by for a few hours then take off to hang with his buddies for the remainder of his trip.
His way of making things right was to not help gram and pop out with money since he had a shit load of it. What did he do? With a 78 year old man barely being able to walk and my 75 year old grandmother who’s frail bones were barely keeping up and trying to take car of pop – he get’s them….a puppy.
Yep, a fucking puppy. Like they need this headache and work.
Some say that was his way of dealing with it. I say bullshit.
So before pop finally passed – a few months later he (Tony) flew back to town and stopped by my grandparents house, left a note written exactly like this.
“Hello gram and pop. I just got into town. Stopped by but you weren’t here”
Tony
Uhm, they weren’t there? No shit Sherlock, POP IS IN THE FUCKINGOSPITAL.
I saw this note because I stopped by gram & pops just after he did, I guess.
Seeing the large space he left between his note and his name – and seeing how he left the pen he wrote the note with laying right there next to the paper, I felt the urge to “add to his note”.
I amended it to read as follows.
In black are Tony’s words – in red are my additions.
“Hello gram and pop. I just got into town. Stopped by but you weren’t here”
I was hoping to see you first to let you in on the good news. I have finally come out of the closet and I wanted to share my joy with the people I love most, you.
Yes gram & pop, I am gay. This may be a shocker now but it really shouldn’t be.
I will explain everything later tonight and you will get to meet my lover, Sheldon because he made the trip with me to support me in pop’s time of need.
Tony
Now remember, I thought Tony would stop back in, see the note and give me the business for writing it.
I was wrong. My grandmother stopped home first. She read it and believed it.
Immediately called my aunt Donna, (Tony’s mother) crying and asked to speak to Tony.
Tony wasn’t there so gramma asked Donna if she knew.
Aunt Donna said, “Knew what?”
Gramma told her and low and behold, Aunt Donna believed it!
This sparked a tirade of phone calls between family members informing one another about Tony’s gayness. Finally Aunt Donna got hold of Tony – he told her it wasn’t true.
I didn’t know any of this was going on until mom called me at home.
She said “Have you been to your grandmothers”?
I said “Yeah, why”
She said “Did you write a note saying it was from Tony”?
I said “Well I added to an existing note, why”?
She said “You son of a bitch, your grandmother and aunt are in tears and Tony is irate that they would believe it in the first place”
I said “You’re kidding me. They believed it? That’s awesome!”
It was then mom hung up on me.
Can you imagine?
Your own family believing it? Not questioning it?
As if they were just waiting for it to be revealed?
I tell you, I got a kick out of it but not even I could’ve burned my cousin worse than his own mother unquestionably believing he was gay.
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