Your wallet

[Ants in My Pants]

I keep it in my front pocket. I have a few reasons for this: 1) it's annoying to sit on it when you have it in your back pocket, 2) it's easier for a pickpocket to take it from your back pocket, and 3) sometimes I like to rub it up against a woman from behind and let her think that the bulge she's feeling is actually my penis.