12-30-2004, 11:21 AM
An interesting theory, albeit completely wrong.
Sure it sounds nice on paper, but the semantics of hovering over a toilet to do anything, much less masturbate, are flawed. Specifically, how does one actually "hover?"
You can't stand upright in front of the toilet and shoot as if you're taking a piss - not without some uncomfortable cock bending, anyway. And even still, chances are you'd be too high up, so at some point you'll miss and need to clean off the toilet rim, seat or even the floor.
On your knees? I can only speak for myself, but I'm about even with the bowl when on my knees. Meaning I'd need to plop my balls on the ice cold porcelain and, once again, bend my cock downward to get into the toilet rather than onto it. And not just porcelain, but any old, wet pubic hair or piss that may be present on it at the time.
Or do you go into a half-squat like Jason Varitek calling for a fastball? I don't know about you, but I find it tough keeping my balance in such a position while simultaneously trying to masturbate. Keeps feeling like my knees are
gonna give at any second.
Of course, there's the sit on the toilet phenomenon, but it goes without saying the kind of leaning forward/cock bending that would be involved here. Not to mention the potential cock dip into the water, or rubbing against the dirty porcelain. Plus whenever I sit on a toilet my ass automatically assumes I need to shit, so involuntarily widens enough to accomodate. Not a good sensation to have when you're trying to get or stay aroused.
The best way as I see it to masturbate over a toilet would be to get into the Varitek position with one hand leaning against the wall and the other for jacking. Not exactly the most comfortable position to be in, even if it is just for stroking your own cock. Plus, say you just cleaned the toilet, then have a mastubatory emergency come up in a few hours. Do you really want to jerk off into a toilet you just scrubbed clean? Not only would that feel like a waste of time, but a waste of a perfectly good toilet duck as well.
I mostly agree with the tissue concept, but there's really no aiming involved if you just wrap yourself up in time. Using only one tissue though is just asking for a mess, either on the ceiling or on the bed or wherever you're stationed. Multiple tissues (minimum 4) will prevent breaking and help make the cleanup that much quicker. On the same note, a paper towel would be much more sturdy than a flimsy kleenex. And if it's that big a deal to have some spunk-crusted tissues festering in the garbage, here's an idea - TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT!
The shower is really not that bad if you live alone and know full well you will be the only one using it. Otherwise I agree, it's nasty. You don't need to stand or lean or bend, you can lather up as much as you want, lay down, kick your legs in the air, sit, whatever the shower accomodates. And since when is semen in the least bit resistant to water? It's a liquid! Unless you don't clean up afterwards and let it sit there for days, it's not that difficult to get rid of. Speaking of which, what's wrong with cleaning/scrubbing the shower? You should be doing that on a somewhat regular basis anyway, regardless of what you're doing in there. But even if you don't, somebody will before any new people move into your place, so that's not even an issue.
Agreed, beating off into a sock is completely disgusting if you're going to wear that sock again. Which is why you use socks that you'd otherwise throw out. Not because they're dirty (that's what a WASHING MACHINE is for), but because there's a small tear near the calf/ankle, they got stretched out, you just got new ones and these are expendable, whatever the case may be. You separate these from your regular socks - be it in another drawer, shelf, shoebox, cabinet, closet, whatever is most convenient and inconspicuous. Same goes for after-use, no way they should ever be mixed with normal laundry.
Of course, it's tough validating an entire load of laundry for one soiled sock. Which is why a collection of 10-12 masturbation socks is warranted. This will make up a respectable small load (of laundry), and you won't have to worry about reusing an old, yellow, crusty sock. This method should only be used with white socks, so as to bleach the holy shit out of those things in the wash.
While I don't "need" to be able to watch something while masturbating, it certainly does help and is preferred. I don't have a hard drive full of porn just to casually watch and critique over a meal. Since I don't have a laptop, it's just not practical to get all worked up to some porn, then run into the bathroom with my shorts down/off to lean against the wall on wobbly knees and (try to) aim into the toilet. All I would be able to concentrate on is aiming and how if I slip and fall I'd do some serious damage and have an awkward story to try telling. However, I do agree that anyone that pays $11 for a porno magazine is indeed retarded.
Sock masturbation is clearly the way to go. You can use it while in a chair in front of the computer, leaned back, laying down, in bed, on the couch, on the floor, watching TV, wherever. This is of course assuming the above sanitary conditions are met. Otherwise you may as well try spelling out your name on the kitchen floor, because that's how disgusting you probably are.
Sure it sounds nice on paper, but the semantics of hovering over a toilet to do anything, much less masturbate, are flawed. Specifically, how does one actually "hover?"
You can't stand upright in front of the toilet and shoot as if you're taking a piss - not without some uncomfortable cock bending, anyway. And even still, chances are you'd be too high up, so at some point you'll miss and need to clean off the toilet rim, seat or even the floor.
On your knees? I can only speak for myself, but I'm about even with the bowl when on my knees. Meaning I'd need to plop my balls on the ice cold porcelain and, once again, bend my cock downward to get into the toilet rather than onto it. And not just porcelain, but any old, wet pubic hair or piss that may be present on it at the time.
Or do you go into a half-squat like Jason Varitek calling for a fastball? I don't know about you, but I find it tough keeping my balance in such a position while simultaneously trying to masturbate. Keeps feeling like my knees are
gonna give at any second.
Of course, there's the sit on the toilet phenomenon, but it goes without saying the kind of leaning forward/cock bending that would be involved here. Not to mention the potential cock dip into the water, or rubbing against the dirty porcelain. Plus whenever I sit on a toilet my ass automatically assumes I need to shit, so involuntarily widens enough to accomodate. Not a good sensation to have when you're trying to get or stay aroused.
The best way as I see it to masturbate over a toilet would be to get into the Varitek position with one hand leaning against the wall and the other for jacking. Not exactly the most comfortable position to be in, even if it is just for stroking your own cock. Plus, say you just cleaned the toilet, then have a mastubatory emergency come up in a few hours. Do you really want to jerk off into a toilet you just scrubbed clean? Not only would that feel like a waste of time, but a waste of a perfectly good toilet duck as well.
I mostly agree with the tissue concept, but there's really no aiming involved if you just wrap yourself up in time. Using only one tissue though is just asking for a mess, either on the ceiling or on the bed or wherever you're stationed. Multiple tissues (minimum 4) will prevent breaking and help make the cleanup that much quicker. On the same note, a paper towel would be much more sturdy than a flimsy kleenex. And if it's that big a deal to have some spunk-crusted tissues festering in the garbage, here's an idea - TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT!
The shower is really not that bad if you live alone and know full well you will be the only one using it. Otherwise I agree, it's nasty. You don't need to stand or lean or bend, you can lather up as much as you want, lay down, kick your legs in the air, sit, whatever the shower accomodates. And since when is semen in the least bit resistant to water? It's a liquid! Unless you don't clean up afterwards and let it sit there for days, it's not that difficult to get rid of. Speaking of which, what's wrong with cleaning/scrubbing the shower? You should be doing that on a somewhat regular basis anyway, regardless of what you're doing in there. But even if you don't, somebody will before any new people move into your place, so that's not even an issue.
Agreed, beating off into a sock is completely disgusting if you're going to wear that sock again. Which is why you use socks that you'd otherwise throw out. Not because they're dirty (that's what a WASHING MACHINE is for), but because there's a small tear near the calf/ankle, they got stretched out, you just got new ones and these are expendable, whatever the case may be. You separate these from your regular socks - be it in another drawer, shelf, shoebox, cabinet, closet, whatever is most convenient and inconspicuous. Same goes for after-use, no way they should ever be mixed with normal laundry.
Of course, it's tough validating an entire load of laundry for one soiled sock. Which is why a collection of 10-12 masturbation socks is warranted. This will make up a respectable small load (of laundry), and you won't have to worry about reusing an old, yellow, crusty sock. This method should only be used with white socks, so as to bleach the holy shit out of those things in the wash.
While I don't "need" to be able to watch something while masturbating, it certainly does help and is preferred. I don't have a hard drive full of porn just to casually watch and critique over a meal. Since I don't have a laptop, it's just not practical to get all worked up to some porn, then run into the bathroom with my shorts down/off to lean against the wall on wobbly knees and (try to) aim into the toilet. All I would be able to concentrate on is aiming and how if I slip and fall I'd do some serious damage and have an awkward story to try telling. However, I do agree that anyone that pays $11 for a porno magazine is indeed retarded.
Sock masturbation is clearly the way to go. You can use it while in a chair in front of the computer, leaned back, laying down, in bed, on the couch, on the floor, watching TV, wherever. This is of course assuming the above sanitary conditions are met. Otherwise you may as well try spelling out your name on the kitchen floor, because that's how disgusting you probably are.