Observations

[Galt]

It's not called lying when it's in the same paragraph.

The only caffine I ever have ever ever ever is when I drink captain and cokes. That's it. Only a couple a night and only on weekends. I never have redbull. I never have Jolt. I never have mountain dew. I never go to a restaurant or other foodstuff place and order a coke or pepsi.

now...back to observations

[Black Lazerus]

Spanish, Indian and poor White people, are rudefucking people that can't wait for people to move out of there way. They don't say excuse me they have no manners. How hard is it to utter "excuse me"?

[Galt]

Indian people all actually smell like curry. Their apartments all smell like curry. Elevators and cars they're in smell like curry.

[Goatweed]

I can attest to that curry observation. WHen I worked for Electrlux (the vaccuum company), one of the things that "got us in the door" to prospective clients was by offering to shampoo a rug in one or two (small) rooms. Anyway, we went to several Indian homes, and the rugs just reeked of it. The machines used to keep the odor too, which used to linger in the car (since that was where we used to keep them at the time, instead of having to go back to the office for a machine every time).

So yeah, they fucking bathe in that shit.

[Keyser Soze]

And who can forget the phoenix-like rise this summer of the phenomenon known simply as "guest bartending?" Heres how it works: some chick youre somewhat friendly with mass mails everyone in her address book, inexplicably CCing everyone instead of BCCing, which results in the inevitable reply-to-all clusterfuck. Her message? Shes "guest bartending," so everyone should drop everything, call all their high school friends, college friends and camp friends and come to some lounge recently rated by Zagat as "consistently abominable." There, forty sweaty bankers in blue button-downs with black attache bags slung across their shoulders clamor at the undersized bar while the guest-bartending girl flails clumsily with the soda gun and serves way-too-strong drinks for free with a wink and a smile that shames you into tipping her five bucks anyway. I think Ill pass.

[Velociti]

I too have experienced the guest bartenting invite and you got it perfectly

[Keyser Soze]

Memo to dudes wearing class rings: what are you thinking? The only guys who should be wearing rings are married men and Warren Sapp.

Memo to people wearing t-shirts from Urban Outfitters: thrift store t-shirts arent cool if they cost thirty bucks and everyone has the same one.

Memo to dudes in suits wearing baseball caps: the fact that you are wearing a suit pretty much eliminates the possibility that youre going to the beach or a baseball game, thus by wearing a hat for no apparent reason, you are actually calling more attention to the fact that you are clearly bald.

Memo to food service employees: if you leave those latex gloves on the whole day, including when you handle money and use the bathroom, it kind of defeats the purpose.

I can never remember anyone?s name. In fact, names are my third biggest weakness (behind a complete lack of sense of direction and brunettes in wife-beaters). I am also a sarcastic wiseass who cant resist cracking a joke at someone elses expense. Surprisingly, this actually helps with my names problem. The other day my friend Jen started telling me a story and I stopped her like, "Wait, Jessica, who is that?" And Jen was like, "She?s the blonde that you met last time I visited." "Oh yeah, I made fun of her shirt and she hated me." "No Karo, that was Linda. You told Jessica the gap in her cleavage was unusually wide and she started crying." "OK, right, Linda, shirt, Jessica, cleavage. Got it!"

Women act like "girls night out" is some sort of secret, sacred ritual. But I think I know whats going on. It?s twelve girls in heels going to an overpriced restaurant where everyone orders a salad or the tuna, the last three guys that each girl hooked up with is given an official nickname, at least one dish gets sent back, everyone gets tipsy off two glasses of white wine, the bill is paid on twelve different American Express cards and then everyone leaves and calls each other on their cell phone to gossip about all the other girls. See, I know whats up.

[Galt]

Keyser. That "guest bartender post" could be your best post ever.

I'd never done that, or heard of that before until about three weeks ago. And the situation was exactly as listed. Not only was there an email chain, but there was an evite and people were responding to evite responses over email.



Edited By Galt on 1089665729

[diceisgod]

He's one hell of a cut and paster

[HedCold]

his constant use of the word twentysomethings annoys me

[Keyser Soze]

hows quarterlifers?

[Sweet Angel]

In my bathroom, there is a can of air freshener with the scent "Butterfly Garden." Thats great, when someone takes a shit and then uses the spray, it smells like someone took a shit in a butterfly garden.

I suggest Lysol "green apple" fragrance. Takes the shit smell away immediately and leaves your house with a pleasant apple-y scent. I can't stand most air fresheners that leave the bathroom smelling like shit scented lilacs.

Every single person I know can swim.

I know a few people who can't swim. Most of them are terrified of the water.

How about the people that walk into a store ahead of you and don't hold the door? That makes me crazy.

why is it that shit stinks the healthier your food is?

That's so true. Eat nothing but salad for a few days and you reek!

Oh, and Fresca is nectar of the gods, but not widely available. Might I suggest Diet Dr. Pepper? No caffeine in that either. So what do you drink when you are at a restaurant? Sprite? Yuck.

Women act like "girls night out" is some sort of secret, sacred ritual. But I think I know whats going on. It?s twelve girls in heels going to an overpriced restaurant where everyone orders a salad or the tuna, the last three guys that each girl hooked up with is given an official nickname, at least one dish gets sent back, everyone gets tipsy off two glasses of white wine, the bill is paid on twelve different American Express cards and then everyone leaves and calls each other on their cell phone to gossip about all the other girls.

That cracked me up because that was exactly my opinion of girls night out. With my friends, thank God, it's not like that at all.

My observation...Keyser has a hard time finding the apostrophe key on the keyboard.

[Keyser Soze]

That cracked me up because that was exactly my opinion of girls night out. With my friends, thank God, it's not like that at all.

i'm dying to hear what sweet angel's girls night out is like.

please, don't leave out any details.

[Galt]

stuffed animals don't gossip

[Velociti]

ouch

[Sweet Angel]

stuffed animals don't gossip

Speaking from experience?


Okay, I'll bite. I've actually only had a few girls nights out and they were for bachelorette parties. I don't hang out with really high-maintenance girlie girls....no, they're not dykes either...just regular girls.

The first one was supposed to start off with dinner at some fancy French restaurant and then end up at a club. I was dreading that. We ended up eating at a local bar and then at a club. All in all, the dinner at the bar was the best part of that evening. Afterwards, they went to a bar in Sleazeside and by then three of us were so bored we called our boyfriends/husbands for a ride home.

The second one was more fun...we went to a club in Sayreville for their male review (which I thought was going to be lame, but ended up a lot of fun -- I love watching people make asses out of themselves). Limo to the club, shots, drinks, etc, in the limo. "Blowjob" shots all around when we first arrived and just a really good time.

Third one -- an "adult toy" party. That one was funny.

Not all women get together to drink wine and act pompous...some just like to go out and have a good time.



Edited By Sweet Angel on 1089667291

[Keyser Soze]

details. name the clubs and bars.

[Sweet Angel]

Green Room @ The Sawmill - Sleazeside (they later went to Club XS)
Sayreville - Club Abyss
Toy party - private home

Not all girls nights appear to be something out of Sex and the City.

[Goatweed]

I still wear my high school ring - I paid a nice amount of coin for it, so why not? Plus it looks pretty sweet.

[The Jays]

I also agree with HedCold's observation. Stop using twentysomething. It sounds too much like thirtysomething, and that sucked.

Black people can't swim because they stand in front of fire hydrants, not in pools, and they're nowhere near water since it's too expensive to live there.

I observed once that there's alot of black people in New York City. Another time I observed that New York City is surrounded by water.