These things don't happen very often...

[QuickStop]

So i go to check my mailbox yesterday and inside i find one of those little blue slips telling me that i have recieved a package and to go pick it up at another building. I was expecting it to be Donkey Kong Country for SNES, which i had purchased last week, so I was filled with joy.

I get to the mail center here on campus, hand them my ID and the blue packing slip, and a girl goes in the back and gets my package. The box seemed a bit large to be holding just a SNES game, but it wasn't out of the question. I signed for the package and was on my way.

I didn't really feel like carrying the box around, so I took a key and openned it up. I looked inside, and there seemed to be a lot of stuff. I move the invoice out of the way and instead of donkey kong, i see the words "Body Glide." I quickly stopped looking through the box, being that there was a high possibility that there was other sex toys in the box and I was walking down the street as I was looking inside.

My first thought was "my stupid friends sent me a bunch of gay shit as a joke," so i go to see what the return address is. But it turns out that this package wasnt even addressed to me. Instead, it was addressed to none other than my dickbag RA. This brought on both feelings of hapiness and disgust.

Upon further inspection, the full contents of the box turned out to be:
1) 1 set rubber cock rings
2) 2 tubes body glide
3) 1 set handcuffs
4) a "Bullet Vibrator"

So long story short, the asshole RA in my building is a sexual deviant, and in my opinion, these items are to be used in solitary, because it is highly unlikely that he is getting laid....by either sex.



p.s. I brought the package back today and got my snes game. i doubt he will ever ask me about what has happened, because "did you find my homo bondage gear" isn't too popular of a conversation starter.

[IrishAlkey]

I miss Rutgers.

[crx girl]

that sounds like a good package

[Arpikarhu]

i bet you say that to alot of guys

[Goatweed]

...but not to me

[Galt]

You should have brought it to his door and handed it to him open. He'll know you saw it, and you'll never get any shit from him ever again. He won't write you up no matter what.

Now you just have to tell all your friends about it, so the rumor starts that he's a poof and everyone just laughs at him.

[HollywoodJewMoses]

man that is gold, you should have done what galt said.

[fbd]

it would have been worth the embarrassment to get a free pass like that


stupid freshmen

[QuickStop]

i figure if anything happens where he goes to write me up, ill just say something about it. something subtle, but not so subtle at the same time. something like "i bet you a pack of cock rings that you don't write me up tonight"

[HollywoodJewMoses]

hmm i'd advise against this.

[Keyser Soze]

im not sure whats more gay. ordering a bullet vibrator for yourself or ordering donkey kong country for a fucking ancient nintendo console.

[Mad]

Good point.

Nintendo equals kiddie toy, suitable for women and children.

[drusilla]

that really was a waste. the look on his face when you handed him the package would have been priceless. & you still could have used it to your advantage later on.

[crx girl]

i'm still not seeing what's the big deal with that package. even if he doesn't know any chicks, maybe he's hoping too. i've received stuff that could be construed as far more embarassing than that. maybe...

[Hoon]

You guys know I am related to Rutgers Fullback, Brian Leonard #23, right?

If you're cool to me, I might get you a signed football.

[HollywoodJewMoses]

your relative probably has herpes

[Hoon]

No signed football for you.

[Keyser Soze]

ill take one

[Hoon]

I'll have one when they come to play Syracuse in mid October.

I was going to auction it off and send the proceeds to Hurricane survivirs but giving it to Keyser would be way more satisfying.

[Goatweed]

can I have one, but w/o the herp?