My first Blind Date... and last

[GonzoStyle]

I was in the middle of typing the story and stupid computer froze up. So i'll just post the gist of it from an AIM convo with goaty.


ZippyAidsFace (9:57:05 PM): I went on the worst blind date a couple weeks ago
OA GoatWeed (9:57:31 PM): really?
ZippyAidsFace (9:57:35 PM): oh man
ZippyAidsFace (9:57:39 PM): the worst thing ever
ZippyAidsFace (9:57:43 PM): first and last blind date for me
OA GoatWeed (9:57:58 PM): yeah those never worked well for me either
ZippyAidsFace (9:58:16 PM): oh man I cant even begin to describe every horrible aspect
OA GoatWeed (9:58:19 PM): was she hot?
ZippyAidsFace (9:58:29 PM): picture grk
ZippyAidsFace (9:58:34 PM): but a spic version
OA GoatWeed (9:58:40 PM): so thats a yes
ZippyAidsFace (9:58:44 PM): NO!
OA GoatWeed (9:58:46 PM): haha
OA GoatWeed (9:58:57 PM): I never saw grk
OA GoatWeed (9:59:15 PM): I know she looks just like her sig
OA GoatWeed (9:59:16 PM): ...
ZippyAidsFace (9:59:53 PM): andre the giant fucked some spanish pig and voila
OA GoatWeed (9:59:58 PM): ouch
ZippyAidsFace (10:00:25 PM): horrible
ZippyAidsFace (10:00:43 PM): she got lost coming to the restaurant we were meeting at
ZippyAidsFace (10:00:50 PM): so she calls on my cell
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:11 PM): and I am pulling up and as I see her I say "oh fuck, no way" and forgot we were still on the cell...
OA GoatWeed (10:01:18 PM): oops
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:20 PM): yeah
OA GoatWeed (10:01:28 PM): great way to start the evening
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:31 PM): so i said, "oh I meant wow look at the time"
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:32 PM): yeah
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:45 PM): so she gets in ass first ofcourse cause she has to get in sideways
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:49 PM): and I have the flashback
ZippyAidsFace (10:01:50 PM): to grk
ZippyAidsFace (10:02:06 PM): and so I try to talk but not look at her at the same time as we are driving
OA GoatWeed (10:02:41 PM): hahaha yeah that uncomfortable
OA GoatWeed (10:02:52 PM): so you fucked her?
ZippyAidsFace (10:02:55 PM): no
OA GoatWeed (10:02:57 PM): wtf
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:04 PM): I am not that desperate
OA GoatWeed (10:03:13 PM): true
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:23 PM): so we get to the joint
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:30 PM): and I start right in on making fun of her heritage
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:38 PM): and just making really awful comments
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:47 PM): and shes just "ooh you're so bad tee hee"
ZippyAidsFace (10:03:49 PM): ugh
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:05 PM): so her dads a muslim
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:09 PM): that gave me even more ammo
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:12 PM): but nothing
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:16 PM): shes rubbing my leg
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:20 PM): and I pull away
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:31 PM): then she starts rubbing the back of my head and I pull away
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:35 PM): she aint getting it
OA GoatWeed (10:04:43 PM): damn
OA GoatWeed (10:04:49 PM): I woulda hit that anyway
ZippyAidsFace (10:04:52 PM): but thats not even the best part of the story
OA GoatWeed (10:04:53 PM): short & sweet
ZippyAidsFace (10:06:45 PM): so anyway when we are ordering dinner
ZippyAidsFace (10:06:54 PM): and of course the joint has no alcohol to dull the pain
ZippyAidsFace (10:07:17 PM): shes all like "oh well with my new raise I can afford something nice"
ZippyAidsFace (10:07:27 PM): so I figure well at least she realizes I aint payin for dinner
ZippyAidsFace (10:07:37 PM): of course when the check comes
ZippyAidsFace (10:07:41 PM): shes just sitting there
OA GoatWeed (10:07:44 PM): she wants you to pay
OA GoatWeed (10:07:45 PM): awful
OA GoatWeed (10:07:54 PM): wtf did she brag for then
ZippyAidsFace (10:07:54 PM): then she does the fuckin move
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:01 PM): "i'll be outside"
OA GoatWeed (10:08:12 PM): wow
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:14 PM): yeah
OA GoatWeed (10:08:21 PM): thats fucked up
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:23 PM): so I figure hey its like 40 bucks, fuck it
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:27 PM): just to get rid of her
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:37 PM): get it over with
ZippyAidsFace (10:08:58 PM): I get outside and she is waiting there
ZippyAidsFace (10:09:03 PM): and pulls out a cig
ZippyAidsFace (10:09:07 PM): I get one too
ZippyAidsFace (10:09:15 PM): and I light mine but shes fuckin standing there
ZippyAidsFace (10:09:36 PM): waiting
OA GoatWeed (10:09:37 PM): she wants you to light hers up
OA GoatWeed (10:09:45 PM): its like Gomez!
ZippyAidsFace (10:09:45 PM): yes!!!
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:16 PM): so she says, give me a light
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:20 PM): so I light her smoke
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:36 PM): and say "you smoke and dont have a fuckin lighter, whats wrong with youu?"
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:40 PM): she says and I quote
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:51 PM): "a beautiful lady never lights her own cigarette"
ZippyAidsFace (10:10:55 PM): to which I reply
OA GoatWeed (10:10:55 PM): hahahahahaha
ZippyAidsFace (10:11:05 PM): "yeah well exactly, wheres your lighter?"
ZippyAidsFace (10:11:27 PM): she didnt appreciate that one, but still didnt dissuade her
ZippyAidsFace (10:11:39 PM): so then I am like "so you walkin home?"
ZippyAidsFace (10:11:47 PM): no no no, cunt expects me to drive her
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:06 PM): so she lives like 3 mins away she says
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:09 PM): I figure, fuckin fine
OA GoatWeed (10:12:25 PM): damn
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:34 PM): so turns out she lives more like 10 mins away
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:48 PM): oh yeah plus she expected me to open the door for her
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:50 PM): to the car
OA GoatWeed (10:12:52 PM): hah
OA GoatWeed (10:12:58 PM): like in bronk tale
ZippyAidsFace (10:12:59 PM): I get on my side and shes standing there
OA GoatWeed (10:13:01 PM): bronx
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:06 PM): "a gentleman opens the door for a lady"
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:17 PM): "WELL LUCKY FOR US I AINT A FUCKIN GENTLEMAN!!!"
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:20 PM): and I get in the car
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:43 PM): I finally get to her house
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:51 PM): so I pull up and shes sitting there
ZippyAidsFace (10:13:59 PM): I click open the door to make sure she hears
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:09 PM): even though It was open already
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:21 PM): so she gets this pissed look on her face
OA GoatWeed (10:14:22 PM): I wish I was there for all this
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:34 PM): and we had taken the food we didnt finsh with us
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:38 PM): doggy bags
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:45 PM): CUNT FACE TAKES HER FOOD AND MINE!!!
ZippyAidsFace (10:14:54 PM): she stole my doggy bag!
OA GoatWeed (10:15:12 PM): oh shit
OA GoatWeed (10:15:14 PM): hahaha
ZippyAidsFace (10:15:19 PM): she took my orange chicken!
ZippyAidsFace (10:15:26 PM): that fuckin cunt
ZippyAidsFace (10:16:14 PM): you believe this cunt?
OA GoatWeed (10:16:22 PM): thats fucked up
OA GoatWeed (10:16:27 PM): spic tho, right?
ZippyAidsFace (10:16:57 PM): yeah
OA GoatWeed (10:17:03 PM): well there ya go
OA GoatWeed (10:17:51 PM): although, that latin blood makes them fuck like animals
ZippyAidsFace (10:18:22 PM): it was awful
ZippyAidsFace (10:18:48 PM): I loved the diva attitude
ZippyAidsFace (10:19:02 PM): a lady never lights her own... SHUT THE FUCK UP
OA GoatWeed (10:19:48 PM): her sense of entitlement sounds like it was slightly off
ZippyAidsFace (10:19:54 PM): yeah it was
ZippyAidsFace (10:20:04 PM): that and makin me pay the check
ZippyAidsFace (10:20:34 PM): and stealing my food
OA GoatWeed (10:21:31 PM): so whens the next date?
ZippyAidsFace (10:21:41 PM): atleast she didnt order the fuckin lobster
ZippyAidsFace (10:21:47 PM): i'd have made that bitch was the dishes
ZippyAidsFace (10:21:58 PM): next date is the tuesday after never
OA GoatWeed (10:23:00 PM): she got a friend whos into married dudes?

[The Jays]

I had a blind date with a girl who turned out to have epilepsy, and enjoyed the first Resident Evil movie. She made me take her to Applebees so that she could have soup, and then guilted me into watching Resident Evil 2.

Worst date ever.

[GonzoStyle]

epilepsy woulda been entertaining atleast, she was talking like we were on AIM.

[diceisgod]

i told you not to leave the house

[GonzoStyle]

It's how I get my best material and also explains your lack of such, mr. fake ass heroin user.

[Goatweed]

I dont remember giving permission to post that convo!

[The Jays]

look what i wrote on my dry erase board!

[GonzoStyle]

now watch me spell my name out... IN HEROIN!!!

[diceisgod]

i'm hitting my stride. The more I fester in here and dope myself up, the better the material I'll conjure up. It's like a fine wine.

[GonzoStyle]

I got hope in you, i've stuck by you this long.

[lush]

I remember the aftermath of the day after.
You had a lot more anger in you.

[diceisgod]

Less remembering and more giving of your pussy then maybe he wouldn't have such anger.

[GonzoStyle]

yes!

[GonzoStyle]

yes!

[Keyser Soze]

that wasnt a double post. gonzo was that excited.

[GonzoStyle]

frustrated

[diceisgod]

there all like, oh he's so funny! But at the end of the day, no pussy for him!

[lush]

We can't all get what we want.

[GonzoStyle]

I'm funny dammit!

[Goatweed]

looking*